The Point of It All....

Dear B,

Responding to the letter that you left me, along with the photos that we took in Williamsburg is pretty much pointless because you have made your decision. However, I have so much to say; there are so many feelings inside of me right now. In the letter, you wrote me to scribble out all of the ways that you showed me that you loved me. Guess what? I was aware of all of that. I am not blind nor am I oblivious to you. I know you pretty well. In the end, the point of it all is that you left me. In a relationship, there are ups and downs. There are points when things are on top of the world, and points where it feels like you're at the bottom of the valley. In our 2 years, those valleys were pretty deep. You felt like I was unhappy with you because I never told you how much I appreciated you. But I did. I told you every single day. However, these ways weren't conveyed in a language that you understood and vice versa. Neither one of us took the time to try to understand the other person's language. And it has resulted in this.

Dear God...

Dear God, 

You are my best friend, my daddy - so I feel that I can be open and honest with you about everything. With that being said, you know the desires of my heart. You said so in your word. You know more about me than I know. You know that I desire a man that is affectionate, open, honest, knows how to show emotion, a ONE WOMAN man, God-fearing and seeking Your face more than me, a man TRULY after your heart, a man who understands me and makes room for me to grow - not one who badgers me and makes me feel horrible about my faults. A man who is secure. A man who isn't ashamed of me, but who realizes the jewel that he has and wants the whole world to know! 

And if he looked like this, it would be even better:

LOL! I'm just saying!

I Worship You

Friday was another confirmation of the work of God in my life.  I'm normally very high-strung, attitudinal, and frustrated when I'm being pulled in 10 different directions; literally! But on this day, I felt a calmness in me.  There was an unusual peace. I know that it was God.

Every since "me and mine" broke up, there has been an almost eerie peace around me. Even on the morning after the break-up happened, I felt a sense of calm. I didn't cry until I got to work and was re-telling the story to a close friend.  Those tears were natural tears felt from the pain of my flesh losing something that has been a part of it for so long.  But deep down inside, there has been a refreshing sense of stillness.

Trust

I'm not really motivated to write at the moment. I have A LOT to say, I however am not sure how I want to go about presenting the information that is in this brain of mine.

I'm going through a test... process... life!

I do know that if I go through it correctly this time, it will stop coming around. I'm ready for the next phase in my life. I'm tired guys.

Trust. Trust. Trust. That 5 letter word has never been more real or true to me than now.

So, I shall leave you with a Bible verse that is getting me through and words from one of my favorite songs:

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3: 5-6

"Just knowing Jesus is worth it all. To rest on His promises is worth it all. I will go where He leads - trust Him and obey. Just to know Jesus is worth it all."

Obedience is Better

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3

 

I'm not going to bore you with drawn out details. But I will say this, when God speaks, listen to Him and TRUST Him. A lot of times, the command that God gives you doesn't make since. In my situation, it made no sense. I listened to God the first time. Then, the second time, I gave in and went with what I wanted. I was warned numerous times, but chose to ignore it. But you know what? Because I've decided to trust Him, I have a peace that really surpasses understanding. It's crazy. And I'm so thankful because He could've easily chosen not to be here with me through this situation. I thank God that He is faithful and not like man. I clearly didn't listen to him when He told me through my spiritual leaders and His own Word to keep moving. Even still, after dismissing Him and choosing to go with my "feelings", He has shown me that He is in control and that He is involved. He is even involved in the INTRICATE details of the matter. That blows my mind.

 

How can someone be so loving and faithful? :) It makes me smile.

 

Trust God today with WHATEVER it is that you are going through. He will NEVER steer you wrong. Keep your eyes on Him. Keep your focus on Him.

 

The enemy is crafty and will do what he can to lure you away from the command and the promise that God has given to you. This is why you must remain in prayer and remain connected to God.

 

The energy that you put into being in-tune with that person that you are in love with is the same way that we need to strive to remain connected to God. This world is against us. Every minute, there are visual baits that lure and tempt us. If you're not connected spiritually, you'll fall into the temptation to negate what the Lord has shown you. Before you know it, you've gone left field, your spiritual life is a mess, and you're wondering what went wrong.

 

Obedience. It's better than sacrifice. I did my own thing, and in it I was unhappy and spiritually drowning.

 

I've tried and tested the scripture, 1 Samuel 15:22. Now, I can truly and honestly say that God is faithful. His ways are not are ways. His thoughts are higher than ours.

 

Trust Him. =)

Ponder On this....

What sense does it make to trade in everything you want for someone who gives you nothing that you want?

#fail

Realization #2

"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall."

Proverbs 16:18

A Prophet's Profit

"He that receiveth a prophet in the name of a prophet shall receive a prophet's reward; and he that receiveth a righteous man in the name of a righteous man shall receive a righteous man's reward." 

Matt 10:41

My Sunday started off horribly. I woke up upset because my friend and I had a horrible argument. I made him feel a certain way, and instead of apologizing for making him feel that way, I tried to get him to understand that I didn't mean to make him feel that way. That turned into all out war. We got off of the phone frustrated, mad, and just plain spent. On top of that, I had just gotten a flat tire- with no spare. Which means that I have to come out of pocket.