It's My Time, It's My Turn

I know its so cliche to say that God is up to something.

But seriously. He is up to something.

My Bishop has declared 2010 "The Year to Become". He has spoken some very prophetic words over us. Its up to the people to accept it and receive it. I've done all of the above and then some. It's crazy because well before the new year, I could tell that God was shifting things around. I was slowly starting to lose control.

I didn't realize how much of a control freak I am until about a year and a half ago. I like to be in control of my life. Sure, I'm easy going. I don't plan my days out. I rarely use my daily planner. But when it comes to matters of the heart or things dealing with my emotions, I like to be in control.

When I feel ANY inkling of that control being lost, I freak out. What's funny is that I want God to take over. "Take control of my life!" "Take over, Lord" "Your will be done!" But God can't have His way unless we allow Him to take control.

I have been driving this car for almost 27 years. It's hard handing over the keys, especially when you see a route that you want to take. I saw a journey that I wanted to go on. But instead of allowing God to take the wheel, I have gone around in circles- over and over again. And I'm not just talking about one area. It's been in my finances, career choices, relationships, and my spiritual life.

Deuteronomy 2:2-3: Then we turned and took our journey into the wilderness by the way of the Red sea, as the LORD spake unto me: and we compassed mount Seir many days.

And the LORD spake unto me, saying,

Ye have compassed this mountain long enough: turn you northward

I have been driving around in circles far too long. The journey to no where stops here. The never ending cycle of unhealthy relationships stops here. The halted dreams stop here. This is my year to become ALL that He has called me to be.

I mean, He said it himself:

Philippians 1:6: he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ.

I have a purpose. I have destiny. I have a calling. God did not save me from destructive relationships and a lifestyle that was spiraling out of control just to leave me. He began a good work. And like it or not, believe it or not, its going to come to fruition. This is my time. =)

Praise Break!

Don't have time to write what I want to write! But I just had to give glory to God real quick! He is truly awesome! He keeps on blessing me. He is faithful, full of mercy and grace. And He is sooo worthy to be praised. He is my best friend. He is my redeemer. He is my provider. He is my father. He is my healer! I LOVE HIM!!!

Praise the Lord today. And thank Him for His goodness.
My reasonable response is that I will praise you!

"I live to praise. I praise to live!"

Revolutionary Road

Last night I watched a movie that I had forgotten that I wanted to see. Revolutionary Road. Wow. The movie had me in tears. The movie isn't a tear jerker. It's actually quite hilarious at certain moments. (But I have a very weird, eclectic, unusual sense of humor.) The movie did, however, bring out emotions in me that I thought I had dealt with. And I really did sob a little- just a little.


The movie is about a married couple who struggles behind closed doors with their personal demons.

That last line...... hmmm.....

Guilty Pleasure

I have a love affair with music. I call it a love affair because of the views of my church and a lot of the people that I'm around. Secular music is the devil! Watch what you put into your temple! I agree to an extent. Not all secular music is "the devil". Sure, I can see how listening to Teddy P. or Maxwell can make one want to call up their significant other and get it poppin. And I definitely know from experience that Lil Jon can make you want to jump on a trifling hater and pull all her hair out feel a little hostile.

I used to be a Three 6 Mafia chick. The Unbreakable's was my favorite album. If you know anything about them, you know that the subject matter of all of their songs is: sex, weed, money, sex, more weed, more money... oh and taking the charge. And I used to LOVE IT! But now, I know that those things aren't in my best interest. And there is nothing Christ like about any of that. So, I don't listen to it.

My problems arise when their is a tight beat or melody. I love music. Maybe I just need to get me some instrumentals or something. Because if a song has a tight beat, I will usually find some way to justify me listening to it. As long as the lyrics aren't way out there, then I'll probably nod my head to it.

With that being said, these are my guilty pleasures at the moment. None of them have horrible lyrics. The fact that some of these songs are arguably crap is why I call them my guilty pleasures.

1. DIVA- Beyonce

Now, I have NO CLUE what she is talking about. I get that a "diva is a female version of a hustler. Of a hustler. Of a, of a hustler." But what is she saying? Out the blue she says, "tell me something. Where your boss at? Where my ladies up in here that like to talk back?" WHAT?!?

When I first heard it, I hated it. But then, I listened to it a second time. And that pulsating A Mili like beat got me. And it was over. I LOVE the way the bass pulsates in the background with that kick drum... AH! I turn it up really loud in my car and just ride. I'm so ashamed.

2. Heartless- Kanye West

"How could you be so Dr. Evil? You're bringing out a side of me that I don't know." I LOVE IT! Once again, its the beat. It's the drums and then the melody on top of the drums.... man o man. I have to listen to it at least once a day. I think the video is pretty hot too. Kanye is a really creative guy. I want to know how they made that video. What type of animation is that? I need to go do some research. Research=Wikipdeia. =)

3. Wanderland (album)- Kelis

I've always been a fan of Kelis. I first heard of her my junior year of high school. Jason put me on her. I immediately went and bought her first album and was hooked. I have loved her and the Neptunes ever since.

I guarantee that NONE of you have ever heard of this album. Wonderland was not released in the US. But I got my hands on it. It's the Neptunes at their finest. Kelis sings over classic Chad and Pharrell beats. Pharrell is heard throughout the album along with Clipse before they even had a hit. I love the music. It's mellow, melodic, and far out there.

I need to do a list of my guilty pleasures. I'll leave it at that for now. I'm going to go put my Wanderland album on my computer here at work so that I don't have to keep bringing the CD in. =)

Lie To Me, But Please Don't Leave

I have a love affair with music. I am no respecter of genre. If it's something I can feel, then I'll listen to it. Luckily in my almost 26 25 years of living, I've been exposed to different cultures and a mixture of different people that have given me an ample dosage of all types of music. One of my favorite songs is "Strong Enough" by Sheryl Crow. That song... I just feel it all down on the inside. And I love it so much because it describes me to a T.

Are you strong enough to be my man? Yes, there are things that we must change about ourselves to help the relationship. But there are also things about me that make me the fullcomplexity that I am.

And it begs the question,

"Are you strong enough to be my man?"

God, i feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage i cannot fight
I'd be the
last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Nothing's true and nothing's right
So let me be alone tonight
Cause you can't change the way i am
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise i'll believe
Lie to me
But please don't
leave

I have a face i cannot show
I make the rules up as i go
It's try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?

When i've shown you that i just don't care
When i'm throwing punches
in the air
When i'm broken down and i can't stand
Will you be man enough
to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise i'll believe
Lie to me
But
please don't leave

Get Down Girl, Gone 'head!

I've been taking these long pauses in between posts. I was in a funk. I don't want to dwell on it because I am out of it now. I've been delivered! The hard part is staying that way. It's so easy for us to walk back into something after God has redirected our paths and moved the junk. It's like we're attracted to the madness. God knows what's best and says, "No." But we say, "please! yes!" We're like toddlers. You can tell them to stop touching something until you're blue in the face. They will continue to go after what they want until it hurts them or you hurt them first. So, I'm not going to go back. And I know it's not going to be a piece of cake. I have to continually- like every morning- renew my mind. Pray without ceasing, even when I don't feel like it.

I have some awesome news!! Mystery has named me an "Honest Blogger"!! Whoo hoo! Thanks love!!! That really touches me because I really do put myself out on a limb in this here cyber space. If you were to ever take a gander at my posts from the past, you will see all of the ups and downs, heartaches, joy, and pains that I've gone through. And I'm so glad that my pain can be used to help someone else. So thank you, Mystery.

I'm supposed to nominate 7 other blogs that I think are worthy of this award. Click the link to check them out:

Muze:: I love this girl. I promise you, it's like I know her. She is transparent when she writes. Everything about her is beautiful.
Myowne:: She is as honest as it gets. The way she expresses herself, so clearly and effortlessly, draws me in every time. I love her spirit, the fact that she is a woman of God, trying to live this life the right way.
Talulazoeapple:: She always has interesting posts about everything from movies to men to politics to God. And she gives some good advice. =)
Coffee Rhetoric:: She is real and isn't afraid to say what the deal is. I love reading her posts. They're engaging and funny too.
Mystery:: She is very inspirational. And I can feel what she's going through. When she writes about love and being... well, go read it for yourself. ;)
Don:: This guy is something talented. His poetry is awesome. And his posts are always thought provoking. I miss you Don. Where the heck are you?!?
UrbanCurlz:: I read her daily. She is my hair/fashion/everything else dose for the day! I love reading it!!! My roomie and I come home and share tips that we learned only to find out that we both got them from UrbanCurlz. =)
Eb the Celeb:: OK. So this makes 8. Well, I love her too. She says all the things that I want to say. =)

Ok, next I must list (if I can and or dare) at least ten honest things about myself. Soooo here they are:

1. I LOVE kit kat bars. And I like them to be nice and melted so that the chocolate just rolls off of the scrumptious wafer. So, I'll stick it in my back pocket or sit on it before I eat it. ;)
2. I hate failure, which causes hindrances in other areas of my life.
3. I'm self-conscious and conceited all at the same time. lol! What a combination...
4. I'm no where near where I want to be in my relationship with God. But I'm so glad that He hasn't given up on me. Everyday He lets me know that He loves me.
5. I secretly want to get off of one my ministries at church. I know. I know.....
6. I'm defiant when it comes to dealing with authority that isn't job related or family. You do the math....
7. I love my hair! =)

Give Me a Good Laugh

I LOVE to laugh.... this one had me cracking up for about 7 minutes straight....





Watch/LISTEN to dude's reaction... LMBO!!!!

My Wish List

I l-o-v-e music. Secular and Gospel. This ruffles the feathers of some. And I don't think that we should listen to any old thing. Some stuff is absolutely ridiculous and I don't want that nonsense in my head. But I know that I will never give up ALL secular music. Not going to happen. And if you have a problem, then click that button at the top right of the window with the "X" on it. =)

Q-Tip's new album: The Renaissance:: I've always loved his music, solo and with A Tribe Called Quest. "Let's Ride" was my fav. Yall remember that? His sound is always so refreshing! His latest single, "Getting Up" is my jam. I love the piano on the track. Not to mention that he is talking about loving his woman.

Feelings that should never end And you respect me like a friend But love me like your man No other could contend

I like to watch everybody gravitate towards you Your magnetic presences make them come thru The same way you got them you got me too

The Foreign Exchange:: I've NEVER heard of them before. But I am so glad I stumbled across them. And they've been out for a minute too. They have a song out called "Daykeeper." I like. Very mellow. Melodic. Vocals are tight. His voice!!!! The album is called, "Leave It All Behind". It's reminiscent of Dwele and Raheem. More Dwele though. I LOVE IT!

Why dont you stay here with me I pray that our morning won't leave Let me keep you Then youll see Dont hide the truth from yourself Its you that i'll love and protect Let me keep you here with me

Ahh, Musiq:: His new album is entitled, "On My Radio." Honestly, I'm not feeling the first single. I don't get it. Who is he trying to appeal to? It's so left field for him. I mean, change is good. It worked for Mr. Legend on "Green Light." But I'm not feeling "Radio" at all. It sounds like he tried too hard. Booo. BUT, "So Beautiful," which is the song that you hear playing right now is MY JAM! AAHH! I love it! Now, this is what I call good Musiq. I'm iffy about his entire album, but I will definitely dish out .99 cents to get that one track off of Itunes.

The music comes in all soft and seductive. And then he croons:

You're my baby, my lover, my lady All night you make me want you It drives me crazy i feel like you were made just for me babe Tell me if you feel the same way cuz it just feels so right I dont wanna waste no time If i had to choose I know im gone always choose to be with you

Girl dont you know you're so beautiful I wanna give all my love to you girl Not
just tonight but the rest of your life I wanna be always here by your side

I see a trend. All of these songs are about a man loving his woman and wanting to be with his woman. No games. No foolishness. No other woman. It's just you and me baby. That's how its supposed to be. =)

America

Yes, we did.

The significance of what occurred last night is so great that I still can't quite put my psyche around it. We, America, voted a black man into office. We did it. We actually came together and made a change. Obama represents change. He has inspired so many people. He has given hope to those who never thought that their vote counted. They didn't think that they mattered. But last night, all of that changed.


I had a get together at my house. When the announcement was made, we were happy. We were half asleep though, so the joy didn't quite come out. But we understood the significance. I didn't cry. I didn't leap for joy. I sat there in utter awe.


This morning I picked up the phone and called my grandparents. My grandmother's words will always stick with me. She told me that she literally fell to her knees. Can you imagine how big this is for her? My grandmother was born in 1939 in Montgomery, AL. You do the math. She grew up in one of the most raw, racist, and rural states during that time. She lived through it all. She watched Dr. King march through Alabama. She stood by and watched as her brothers and sisters were abused, oppressed and murdered. She knows what it feels like to go to the back of the bus. She knows how it feels to have to use filthy bathrooms that aren't fit for any human being- simply because of the color of her skin. She cleaned up after people, took care of their children. My grandmother lived through it all and I'm so happy that she is alive today to see Barack Obama become our next President.


But you know something? This isn't about black or white. It's not about rich or poor. It's not about Republican or Democrat. And it's not about Obama or McCain. This is about God. And all glory must go to Him. He is the one who appointed Barack for such a time as this. He is the one that opened those doors. He is the one who is going to deliver us from not only the past 8 years, but from years of oppression and captivity of even our minds. We must remain humble and realize who really did this. We don't want to stay in this wilderness.


Aiight. That's my two cents. =)

A change has come.

No Looking Back

Philippians 3:13-14

Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do,
forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things
which are before,
I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling
of God in Christ Jesus.

What's your stronghold? What thing has you in bondage? It may not be every day of your life. But what situation, addiction, thought, mentality, or person causes you to struggle? What in your life can't you seem to get over or let go of? What is holding you back from being who God has called you to be? These are all strongholds.

In the dictionary, a stronghold is defined as, "a fortified place or a fortress". In the old testament, a stronghold was a fortified place used as a means of protection. In the new testament, a stronghold is defined as, "arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God." 2 Corinthians 10:3-5

Satan starts working on building strongholds early on in our lives. He is a crafty little pesk. He also takes his time. Think about the strongholds in your life. Chances are, the root of the problem began years ago. You may not be able to trust because of something someone did to you 10 years ago. You may be addicted to something because of one encounter that you had years ago. Your way of thinking, your thought process, may be a little off because of something that happened in your childhood or simply because of the way you were brought up.

These things take root in our lives and prevent us from moving forward. God can't use us the way He wants to if we have junk blocking our flow.

My stronghold was my mind. There are things that happened to me and situations that I went through that had completely altered the way I thought about myself and my world. I was seeing the world through false lenses. And because I saw the world the way that I wanted to see the world, because I saw myself the way I wanted to see myself, it kept me from realizing who I truly am.

I would find myself in situations that weren't right. And instead of just dealing with it the right way and going to God, I would break my neck trying to make it go my way- because that's the way I saw things. I would worry myself to death! God was telling me, "my child, let go." But I would hang on to the situation with all my might- kicking, screaming, crying- continuing to dig myself into a deeper mental hole. My mind was always all over the place. I let people easily get to me. I didn't have a sense of who I was. And the devil played off of that- for years.

I tried to do the unspeakable a few years back. And its because I didn't know who I was. My mind was messed up. Satan had it out for me. And lately, I found myself back in the same situations, having the same thoughts, feeling the same way.

But let me tell you, because my God is an awesome God, He heard my cry. He saw me when I got down on my knees in full submission to Him. He felt me lay all of my issues out in front of Him. And He gently lifted me up and renewed my mind. God took situations that were meant for my bad, even those that I meant for evil, and worked it out for my good.

You have to recognize the strongholds in your life, present them to God, tell Him that you are a mess and you don't want to be this way. And I guarantee that He will make a way. He will pull you out of whatever it is that is holding you in bondage. You just have to believe.

And once he does it, you CAN'T LOOK BACK. There is no looking back.

Damita Haddon has a song out called, "No Looking Back." She says:

I am leaving this place now
Letting go of all my fears
Saying goodbye to the memories I hold dear
I can finally breathe again
It's a new day, farewell past
As I close this chapter
I say free at last

I made up my mind, there's no turning back
The past is behind me, there's no looking back
I'm looking forward, not behind
I made a decision to give You my life
And there's no looking back.....

That's real right there. Recognize the crap in your life- the things that you know aren't right, the things that are grieving your spirit, the things that you can't shake- and ask God to release you. Ask God to examine you and wash you anew. He can and He will. He did it for me.

Can't Believe It

I don't know how I heard this song. I think I was flipping stations in my car. The music caught my ear. So, I stopped and listened. Turns out its T-Pain. Go figure... The song is about how good this woman makes him feel.

She "makes the people say yeah."

Whatever that means.

He then says "I can't believe it. She all on me. I think she wants me." haha lol! That cracks me up because if I were him, I wouldn't believe it either. Ok. That was mean. I take that back. hehe....

Anywho...I love the music. Just give me the instrumental to ride out to. And of course Lil Wayne has to get on the song at the end. I didn't even listen to him. He was doing something funky with his voice, slurring his words, and talking nasty. Too much for me. I'm trying to go forward....

Music takes my mind to other places; places that I have no business revisiting. And,

for as he thinketh in his heart, so is he. Proverbs 23

So, I have to keep control over my mind. That is why I choose not to listen to certain secular songs. It's the music that gets me though. I heard that first note and I was hooked.

Always!

This song has been in rotation on 104.1- D.C.'s station for praise! hehe... And I had no clue who sang it. But it is my jam!! Me and my friend tear that song up when it comes on while we're riding in the car. So, I did a search. Couldn't find it. I then went to Yahoo! Answers and typed in the lyrics. And voila! I found it!

The song is called "Always" by Jason Champion. It has this funky beat to it. It's almost cheesy. lol! But I love it!!!!!! And he does that Zapp or T-Pain (for those who have no clue who Zapp is- and shame on you if you don't) thingy with his voice on the chorus. It isn't over kill. Just slightly. Anywho... that song makes me wanna dance with a huge smile on my face. It's just one of those cheesy happy songs that reminds you that "everything is gonna be ALRIGHT!"

Youtube only has a remix (that I don't like). However, his myspace page has a snippet of it.

Check it out: http://www.myspace.com/officialjasonchampion

You can also hear it on his album: Reflections

Simply Beautiful

Ever have one of those days when you simply feel beautiful? Yeah, today is that day for me. I didn't do anything out of the ordinary. My hair is in the same ol' wash and go thrown in a puff with a headband. I have on a button up shirt and one of my same ol' skirts. My eyebrows aren't even done!! But I feel "simply beautiful." =) It's kinda like when you're chilling with your man and your hair is messy, you're in some old sweats and a t-shirt, and he looks at you and tells you how beautiful you are to him in that moment. =D That's how I feel right now. Perhaps it's God's love that I'm feeling. He's telling me that he thinks I'm simply beautiful.....

Someone who thought I was simply beautiful put me on to this song. I can't really listen to it because it makes my stomach turn. Not because he put me on to the song, but because of the way things turned out. I do that with friends too. Everyone has a song(s) that remind me of them. And if something goes wrong, it takes me a while to be able to listen to the song without going over the deep end in thought; wanting to pick up the phone and beg for rapprochement...

With that said, I give you "Simply Beautiful" by Mr. Al Green

I'll Trust You

To avoid putting it all out there, I'll just write about the goodness of the Lord.

Last night, I opened my Bible, not knowing where to look or what to read. But I happened upon Psalm 91 and I just read it over and over again. Meditating on it. And I got so happy and so thankful that God will protect me. If I dwell in the secret place of the Most High, God will keep me safe. And its so funny because "I'll Trust You" by Richard Smallwood happens to be one of my favorite songs. And this song was taken from Psalm 91.

That has to be my favorite Psalm. No matter what, if I remain faithful and dwell with my Lord, I have nothing to worry about. I won't dread the terror by night. When I call on Him, he will answer me in my time of trouble. He will be there. There is no one on this earth, not mother, father, boyfriend, sister, or cousin that can do the same.

So, you know what? I will trust you God. I will dwell under your shadow. I won't dread the terror by night, for angels are all around me. So, I will not fear.

Hallelujah!!!!

Inside My Love

I have a confession.......


I love Minnie Riperton's "Inside My Love"

It's the dreamy, love drunk music, her angelic voice, that 7 octave range, the funky 70s sound....

I love it.