I Worship You. When I Feel Like It....

The expression on my face describes
how I felt.

"But when David saw that his servants whispered, David perceived that the child was dead: therefore David said unto his servants, Is the child dead? And they said, He is dead. Then David arose from the earth, and washed, and annointed himself, and changed his apparel, and came into the house of the Lord, and worshipped" 2 Samuel 12: 19-20

A few weeks ago, I was driving on interstate 66, on my way to work. This particular interstate has a reputation for having really bad traffic. On this particular morning, I woke up late and missed the 5:45 train that I usually take. So, to avoid the wrath of the director of the office in which I work, I decided to drive into the nearest Metro Station. (This is the subway for Virginia). During my commute to the metro station, I begin to pray and completely lost track of where I was. I totally missed my exit. This would be fine except for the fact that traffic really picks up after this exit and it is hard to turn around. So, I freaked out for a moment and then realized that I still had time to just drive to work. I would just have to pay the $14 for parking. Well, as I'm driving, I notice a sign for another metro station. I decide that instead of paying $14 for parking that I would rather still just ride the metro.

So, I get off at the exit. As soon as I took the exit, I see a police officer pointing a flashlight at me. I slowed down, perplexed, and looked at him like he was crazy. I know I wasn't speeding. What in the world is he stopping me for? I roll down my window and he tells me that I'm being pulled over for an HOV violation. I was so confused. Apparently, the ENTIRE exit was HOV only. ARE YOU SERIOUS?

It's A Process

Have these words ever come out of your mouth?

Lord, make me more like You. Or Lord, I just want to please you. Lord, take out anything that is not like you.

If you are serious about your walk with the Lord and have a heart for God, I’m pretty sure you’ve prayed that at some time or the other.

Well, guess what? The word says that the prayers of the righteous availeth much. God hears us, even when we don’t want to be heard. And He is faithful to answer prayer. So, don’t be surprised that, after seriously praying those words, all Hades breaks lose in your life!

I Hated You, But God....

Unforgiveness:

Jealousy. Anger. Bitterness. Bondage. Insecurity. Depression. Spiritual lockdown. Stagnation. Judegmentalness.

The words above are just a few results of unforgiveness. Unforgiveness is the root of many issues that we have. Unforgiveness holds us in bondage. As we hold on to that situation or person that has hurt us, we also hold on to the pain. By not releasing them, we allow ourselves to remain stuck. We become stagnant. We think that we are doing ourselves good by not forgiving. We are mean, hateful, and constantly judging the ones that hurt us. But all we're really doing is blocking our own flow and building our own mental jail cell.

God, Oklahoma City, and a Cab

I'm sitting in the airport in Oklahoma city. It has been an interesting four days. I really can't say that I am ready to go home. It's not that there is so much to do here in Oklahoma; because there isn't. It's the fact that I'm away. Oklahoma city is eerily quiet. When my coworker and I were walking to the building in which our training was held, I was taken aback at the fact that I could actually hear birds. I looked up and saw a group of birds flying amongst the branches, chirping. The sky was so blue and the air smelled so fresh. It's totally different from the DC area. I would love to wake up to that every morning. It was different not hearing car horns honking, seeing people running to catch trains, smelling the burning of the metro trains as they pulled off, or having to fight to push my way through the crowd just to walk across the street. It reminded me of Alabama. Half of me was weirded out by the quietness and the other half was comfortable with it.

I will miss the serenity and friendliness of Oklahoma. Everyone, and I am not exaggerating, smiled and spoke. I didn't run into one person who didn't acknowledge my presence. People in DC think you're crazy if you're too friendly. Even the homeless (well, I'm not so sure they were homeless. But the only other word I can think of to describe them is bum. That's not nice) were friendly! One guy told us that we were "beautiful, in the name of Jesus." LOL!

I had awesome food at Toby Keith's restaurant, watched Black Swan (this movie deserves a blog post by itself. It was CRAZY!!!), and visited the memorial for the Oklahoma City Bombing. But the best part of this trip was the last day.

On my way to the airport, God spoke to me through a cab driver. He gave me direction and instructions regarding two things that I have been in prayer about. I was sitting in the back of that cab in pure awe. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was one of those things where you know without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord is speaking to you. And to top it off, in order to give me confirmation that it was Him, this cab driver's daughter's name was ALMOST the exact same as mine. The only difference was our middle names. However, they both start with D. :) 

God is so awesome. He shows up when you least expect Him to and in the most unconventional ways. This is why it's important that we live. Go out and live your life. Talk to the Lord about everything and watch Him move. It's the only way. I used to believe that God would drop everything I needed into my life simply because I was a "good" Christian and went to church every other day of the week. But faith without works is dead. We can have all of the faith in the world. But how can God bless if He has nothing to work with? Would you invest in someone who sat on their butt all day only talking about what he wanted to do? Neither would I. 

Another thing that I'm learning is that God loves in spite of ______________. Fill in the blank. He loves you in spite of that mistake you made yesterday. He loves you in spite of that habit that you're trying desperately to break. He loves. He is love. The last thing I expected God to do was speak to me about my concerns. I hadn't even taken time out to talk to Him this morning. Yet in still, He loved me enough to use that opportunity to speak to me. 

I encourage you to never give up on God. It sounds cliche, but He NEVER gives up on us. He is always there, showering us with undeserved grace, mercy, blessings, and love. This path gets hard. This way of life sometimes feels impossible. But I've found that the easiest way to get through it is to simply walk. Mary Mary was on to something when they made that song. I'm walking, trusting, and believing. 

That's all we can do.

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The Prodigal Daughter... That's Me

Hello world!!

I'm back for the 347th time. Haha! As usual, I retreat when life takes twists. Because I've allowed my blog to become so visible, and my identity is no secret, I've shied away from writing about the difficulties and mistakes that I've made which could become "gossip" for some people. Nevertheless, I'm back.

During my time away, I spent a little time back in Egypt. For those of you who can decipher what exactly that means, kudos to you! To those of you who can't, just know that Egypt is the land that God brought the children of Israel out of in order to bring them to the promised land. You following me now?

In Between the Promise and the Blessing

I don't know where to begin! It's been a couple of days since I posted something meaningful on here. The past few weeks have been hard for me. I'm growing more and more in the Lord. And with that comes pain. Growing pains are no joke. Who ever coined the phrase, "no pain, no gain" knew what they were talking about.

The latest principle that God is teaching me is the element of waiting. Remember how it felt when you asked your parents for something and their response was, "just wait"? Last Wednesday, I had a temper tantrum. I briefly touched on this in my "Thankful Friday."

Quickie



pic from Kirk Franklin's album

I realize that my posts have been a bit heavy lately. However, I write from my own experiences. Right now, things have been that way. It's not a bad heavy; more like growing pains.

I'm learning to trust the Lord. When Paul told us in 1 Timothy 6:12 to "fight the good fight of faith," he wasn't talking about fighting others. He was talking about fighting ourselves. We determine whether we want to have faith or not.

Everyday, I have to make a choice. I can choose to believe what the Lord has spoken to me concerning my situation; or I can choose to ignore him and do my own thing.

Maturity comes when we choose to believe. Believing is having faith.

It's a FIGHT because it is unnatural to believe in what we can not see. If the bank called you up right now and told you to come down because you've somehow inherited $5,000 you would probably leave work to claim that money.

Growing in Faith

When God speaks, there is no comma or question mark at the end of the sentence. It is declarative and ends with a period. Often times, we add question marks, semicolons, and comas to the end of what God says because we are trusting in our own understanding. God will tell us to go left; but because we don't want to, because it doesn't make sense, because it doesn't fit into the happy ending that we've concocted, we begin to question it.

I Worship You

Friday was another confirmation of the work of God in my life.  I'm normally very high-strung, attitudinal, and frustrated when I'm being pulled in 10 different directions; literally! But on this day, I felt a calmness in me.  There was an unusual peace. I know that it was God.

Every since "me and mine" broke up, there has been an almost eerie peace around me. Even on the morning after the break-up happened, I felt a sense of calm. I didn't cry until I got to work and was re-telling the story to a close friend.  Those tears were natural tears felt from the pain of my flesh losing something that has been a part of it for so long.  But deep down inside, there has been a refreshing sense of stillness.

Obedience is Better

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3

 

I'm not going to bore you with drawn out details. But I will say this, when God speaks, listen to Him and TRUST Him. A lot of times, the command that God gives you doesn't make since. In my situation, it made no sense. I listened to God the first time. Then, the second time, I gave in and went with what I wanted. I was warned numerous times, but chose to ignore it. But you know what? Because I've decided to trust Him, I have a peace that really surpasses understanding. It's crazy. And I'm so thankful because He could've easily chosen not to be here with me through this situation. I thank God that He is faithful and not like man. I clearly didn't listen to him when He told me through my spiritual leaders and His own Word to keep moving. Even still, after dismissing Him and choosing to go with my "feelings", He has shown me that He is in control and that He is involved. He is even involved in the INTRICATE details of the matter. That blows my mind.

 

How can someone be so loving and faithful? :) It makes me smile.

 

Trust God today with WHATEVER it is that you are going through. He will NEVER steer you wrong. Keep your eyes on Him. Keep your focus on Him.

 

The enemy is crafty and will do what he can to lure you away from the command and the promise that God has given to you. This is why you must remain in prayer and remain connected to God.

 

The energy that you put into being in-tune with that person that you are in love with is the same way that we need to strive to remain connected to God. This world is against us. Every minute, there are visual baits that lure and tempt us. If you're not connected spiritually, you'll fall into the temptation to negate what the Lord has shown you. Before you know it, you've gone left field, your spiritual life is a mess, and you're wondering what went wrong.

 

Obedience. It's better than sacrifice. I did my own thing, and in it I was unhappy and spiritually drowning.

 

I've tried and tested the scripture, 1 Samuel 15:22. Now, I can truly and honestly say that God is faithful. His ways are not are ways. His thoughts are higher than ours.

 

Trust Him. =)

A Prophet's Profit

"He that receiveth a prophet in the name of a prophet shall receive a prophet's reward; and he that receiveth a righteous man in the name of a righteous man shall receive a righteous man's reward." 

Matt 10:41

My Sunday started off horribly. I woke up upset because my friend and I had a horrible argument. I made him feel a certain way, and instead of apologizing for making him feel that way, I tried to get him to understand that I didn't mean to make him feel that way. That turned into all out war. We got off of the phone frustrated, mad, and just plain spent. On top of that, I had just gotten a flat tire- with no spare. Which means that I have to come out of pocket. 

What's Your Source?

I keep going through tests and trials. I'm convinced. I know that without a shadow of a doubt that what happened to me yesterday was a test that I failed.

I take the VRE (Virginia Railway Express) to work. Yesterday, I missed the 5:45am train. So, I caught the 6:15am train. I was extremely sleepy and a little loopy because I couldn't seem to go to sleep the night before. The train pulls up to my stop, and I clumsily stumble off the train. I took about ten steps and then realized that I had left my government I.D., my monthly VRE pass, and my metro card on the train. I need my I.D. to gain access to the building in which I work. I need my monthly $234.20 pass to get to and from work. I need my metro card to catch the metro train. So, I'm sure you understand my frustration when I realized I had left it. I turned to get back on the train. The door politely closed in my face. I then spotted one of the conductors getting on the train. I tried to reach her, but those doors closed and it pulled off before I could even let out a yell.

Standing amidst the crowd of employees rushing to make it to work, I stood there dumbfounded. I immediately began to cry. I managed to pull together enough sense to call the VRE office. I reported my items. I then sat on the steps and cried.... and cried... and cried. I tried calling my boyfriend. He couldn't answer because he was on the metrotrain with no service. So, I sat there and cried some more. By the time I got up, I was frustrated, confused, and pissed! This was the icing on top of a cake that's been baking the entire month of August.

What You See.... ISN'T What You Get

"If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14

God is such a good God. Yesterday, I was praying before Bible teaching. And I just flat out told the Lord that I wasn't sure if he would make a way for me. I know that I could be further along. I know that certain situations are the way that they are because of me. Why ask for help? I was feeling bogged down. 


I made it to Bible teaching and God did what He does best. He answered me. He spoke directly through my Bishop to me. 2010 is the year to become. To become what? It's the year to become ALL that God said I would be. It marks the year and decade that God proves Himself in me and through me. 


Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Bishop broke that down for us last night. Of course, the devil doesn't want us to have faith. We know that, "without faith it is impossible to please Him." God works via faith. So, if the enemy can kill that, then we're doomed. How does the enemy kill faith? By killing our hope. Faith is the substance of things HOPED for.
The enemy doesn't want us to have faith or hope. When we hope for a new day, hope for better living, hope for help for Haiti, hope for salvation, we are saying that we want these things. We can't see them, but we want them. Faith says that we are believing God for those things which we can not see.

But if we allow the enemy to kill our hope, there will be nothing to have faith for.

Yesterday when I went into prayer before Bible teaching, I was feeling that way. I was losing hope that the Lord could truly help me. I was losing hope that he would turn things around for me. I was listening to the enemy tell me, "Why are you praying? Why are you asking God for help? You've screwed things up! So just don't even bother to pray about it."

But thank God that He is who He is!! God immediately brought that prayer to my mind and all I could do was shout Hallelujah because in that moment I knew that this is still my year. In the natural, things are looking kinda shady. I see relationship issues. I see financial strains. I see bruised hearts. I see almost impossible goals. But spiritually, I know that my faith will take me to the place that God has already set up for me.

I will continue to pray. I will continue to have hope. I will have faith! I will work and watch God meet me. Devil you are a liar. Seriously. You are a pesky, insignificant, defeated liar.

You even threw a dart at me this morning! But its cool. I've got the victory. Guess what? I know who I am.

Walk in victory. Walk in faith. Don't live life according to what you see. Live life according to what God says. =)


Be blessed.

Surgery

I open my eyes and I'm laying on an operating table. The bright white from the lamp blinds me as I try to look around to see where I am. I look to my right and see a man standing in full scrub gear with knife in hand, ready to cut on me.


I immediately tense up and try to run. But something is holding me down.


"This is what you wanted, isn't it?"


Yeah, it's what I wanted. But no one told me it would hurt like this.


"I tried to protect you. I offered you plenty of anesthesia. But every time the opportunity to take it was given, you ignored it. You chose pain instead."


Tears begin to run down my face. I lay there in my puddle of tears realizing that there is no other way to go through this. I've been given plenty of chances. Now, I just have to trust.


"You're going to have pain. But the sufferings that you feel now will not be comparable to the joy that you will have when I'm done with you."


I cry even more. I cry at the fact that my purpose of rejecting the anesthesia was to keep me from this inevitable pain that I'm still going to end up experiencing. There is no need to think back. There is no sense of dwelling. What is done is done.


"Look at Me. Look forward and focus on Me......."


I look up. But things begin to become unclear.... I can't control it. The tears continue to flow. Just before I loose consciousness, I hear the words again,


"Look forward and focus on Me...."


to be continued.......

It's My Time, It's My Turn

I know its so cliche to say that God is up to something.

But seriously. He is up to something.

My Bishop has declared 2010 "The Year to Become". He has spoken some very prophetic words over us. Its up to the people to accept it and receive it. I've done all of the above and then some. It's crazy because well before the new year, I could tell that God was shifting things around. I was slowly starting to lose control.

I didn't realize how much of a control freak I am until about a year and a half ago. I like to be in control of my life. Sure, I'm easy going. I don't plan my days out. I rarely use my daily planner. But when it comes to matters of the heart or things dealing with my emotions, I like to be in control.

When I feel ANY inkling of that control being lost, I freak out. What's funny is that I want God to take over. "Take control of my life!" "Take over, Lord" "Your will be done!" But God can't have His way unless we allow Him to take control.

I have been driving this car for almost 27 years. It's hard handing over the keys, especially when you see a route that you want to take. I saw a journey that I wanted to go on. But instead of allowing God to take the wheel, I have gone around in circles- over and over again. And I'm not just talking about one area. It's been in my finances, career choices, relationships, and my spiritual life.

Deuteronomy 2:2-3: Then we turned and took our journey into the wilderness by the way of the Red sea, as the LORD spake unto me: and we compassed mount Seir many days.

And the LORD spake unto me, saying,

Ye have compassed this mountain long enough: turn you northward

I have been driving around in circles far too long. The journey to no where stops here. The never ending cycle of unhealthy relationships stops here. The halted dreams stop here. This is my year to become ALL that He has called me to be.

I mean, He said it himself:

Philippians 1:6: he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ.

I have a purpose. I have destiny. I have a calling. God did not save me from destructive relationships and a lifestyle that was spiraling out of control just to leave me. He began a good work. And like it or not, believe it or not, its going to come to fruition. This is my time. =)

More to Come

Wow! This test is ALREADY becoming my testimony. This is crazy..... I'll explain later.


I knew that Sunday was a setup for what was about to happen. How can one hear without a preacher? I received that word and it is already manifesting: 

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy

Just Get Back Up When it Knocks You Down

"Giants do die. The bigger they are, the harder they fall. Giants they Die. Just walk around the Jericho wall. Now I come in Your name and I stand on Your Word. What is loosed in the Heavens will be loosed on earth. Let God arise, giants fall."

SO.... I'm so digging (yes, I used that word) the Lord right now. It's crazy. I had some darts thrown at me this weekend. These were huge, cannon ball sized darts. I was knocked down. But I didn't stay down. And I thank God because my weekend could've easily gone a different route.

Yes, I cried. Yep, I even let out a scream. And at church on Sunday, I couldn't stop crying. Rivers flowed from my eyes. At our 9am service, the scripture for the sermon was barely read all the way through before tears started streaming down my face. I really think my spirit was weeping. Is that possible?

Sometimes I wonder about myself. There are times when I worship the Lord and I feel absolutely nothing; there are no tears, no emotional outbursts. And then there are times when I just cry. But I know for a fact that my worship on Sunday was more of, "I don't understand. This hurts like crazy. But I'll trust you." I think that's why I cried the way I did.

I was knocked down hard on Saturday. But I'm up again. The fight continues on. To God be ALL of the glory.

I Need More/ The Shack

I'm reading "The Shack". If you haven't heard about it, either you're living under a rock or maybe you just don't care for books, especially ones about God. This book has completely and utterly given me a new view on my God. The book is a page turner. I can't put it down! It knocks all of the religious stereotypes right out the window. But at the same time, it makes you want more. I'm so thirsty for a real relationship with the Lord. It's unreal.

That's my focus right now. The way one goes about spending time with their significant other is what I'm doing with God. It's harder though because I can't see Him or touch Him.

What God wants is relationship. That's why Jesus died. Not only did He pay the ultimate price for our sins, but through his death and resurrection, we were reconnected to God again. God loves us very much and He wants the best for us. The only way that we can truly know and understand His will for our lives is via relationship.

What does a relationship entail?
Communication- We need to pray. Talk to God. It's realy simple. You don't have to pray like the senior deacons in your church. Just talk to Him.
Understanding- We have to read the Word in order to really get to know Him and understand him.
Time- How can we cultivate a relationship without investing time? Make time out for God, just like you do in your natural relationships.
Trust- As you grow and learn more about Him, you will begin to trust Him more. Trust and believe the promises that He has for your life.
Reciprocity- We want God to shower us with all of these gifts and blessings. But what do you give Him? Praise Him! Worship Him! When praises go up, blessings come down. ;)

"It's a new season, it's a new day. A fresh anointing is coming my way. It's a season of power and prosperity. It's a new season, coming to me."

Grab a hold of my coat tail! Because I'm going all the way! =)

Round 3

I've been fighting many a battle. This is really probably more like round 345. But for the sake of simplicity, and my blog, we're gonna call it round 3. (Round 2)

Ephesians 6: 12
"for we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places"

Jeremiah 29:11
"for I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope"

I'm stronger. I'm wiser. I'm better. Yeah, Marvin Sapp was pretty much on point when he said that. He obviously went through something. And he realized those things. And now, so have I.

I'm on a higher ground. I have the mind of Christ. And old things have passed away. And I have FAITH enough and sense enough to know what the Lord has for me.

So, bring it on!

I'm ready.

Praise Break!

Don't have time to write what I want to write! But I just had to give glory to God real quick! He is truly awesome! He keeps on blessing me. He is faithful, full of mercy and grace. And He is sooo worthy to be praised. He is my best friend. He is my redeemer. He is my provider. He is my father. He is my healer! I LOVE HIM!!!

Praise the Lord today. And thank Him for His goodness.
My reasonable response is that I will praise you!

"I live to praise. I praise to live!"