If I Were A Boy

If the tables were turned, how would you feel if I popped up with gifts, your favorite dish, kisses and hugs? How would you feel if I held you tight, talked with you all night? How would you feel if I asked you out on a date, made dinner, sat with you and ate? How would you feel if after all that I tell you that you're nothing more than a friend, who I happen to do other things with? That things could never go back to where they were. So, what in the world was all of that for?

Friday Randoms

* I saw a giraffe bird this morning. No lie! I was driving and looked up and there was this thing sitting on a power line. It had a short, stumpy lower with this extremely long neck! A giraffe bird! Look it up!

* So, the song, Mary Jane, by Rick James- that wasn't about a woman named Mary Jane, was it? I was jamming this morning in my car to it and it dawned on me. Where have I been???

* I'm in such a wonderful mood. I'm alive! I'm blessed! I'm a winner!! =) Shout out to HLCC.

* I'm going to be 26 in 4 months. What the h-e double hockey sticks?!?! Where is the time going?? OMG!!!!

* I miss you. Let's go find something stupid to watch and fall out laughing together. How about the play???

* I let my soul sisters hold my Kinky Curly. I finally got it back and went to use it this morning and that bad boy was empty! Really guys????

* If McCain and Palin get elected, we can rest assured because he was in a war and she knows how to hunt. WOO HOO!!! That makes me feel secure living here in America.

*And what is so great that they are mavericks? What is that about? Please explain it to me. No seriously, someone email me or comment and tell me what that means.

* Why am I so disobedient?

*This guy that I work with embarrasses me when I come into work. He makes a big deal out of my beauty. lol. I'm not being conceited. I don't mean like that. But he says things out loud like: "Oh my goodness! (then turns to other co-workers) Do you see this? Do you see this? Who is this? I don't think we've met." or "Look at this super model right here." It's embarrassing. I don't want the whole office looking at me. Stop!

*Why do men think that we'll want them more if they let us know that other women are chasing after them? Please! I'm 25. Not 15. That is a turn off. If you feel the need to announce that then go ahead and play with the other women. I'm me. lol! I don't need a man to validate me. I don't need anyone who tries to make me feel anything other than fabulous. And I definitely don't compete with anyone! I'm a gem. A jewel. And if you can't see that, then you are not the one! Got it? Good.

This is so stupid...

ever feel like everything that you say makes things worse?
ever feel like you can't win for loosing?
ever feel like the situation that you're in is stupid and childish?
ever feel like grabbing the person in the situation by the neck, punching him/her in the face, and telling him/her to get the fcuk over it?
ever feel like screaming?
ever get so frustrated/angry/upset that you don't even want to pray about it?
ever have something end before it ever really started?
ever not realized how much you wanted things to work until it began to not work?
ever felt adrenaline run through your body while you're sitting at work and can't do anything about it?
ever not known what to do to make it right again?
ever wanted to cry, but couldn't?
ever realized that you prayed about this, that God is God, and that there is nothing that you can do about it but sit back and go for the ride?

God's will is perfect.

Black Enough?

What makes one person "blacker" than the next? What does it mean to be black? Who started this nonsense about being black enough?

I read an article by Vanessa Grigoriadis entitled, "Black & Blacker". Hmmmm.... Which immediately made me think about Dumb & Dumber. One was dumb. The other one was more dumb. Michelle and Barack. One is black. The other one is more black than the other?

First of all, why is it an issue? The truth of the matter is that Barack is the Democratic nominee for the President of the United States of America. Barack happens to be a black man. But one would argue that, no, he isn't black because his mother is white. It's funny how people's ideologies will completely change to pacify themselves. If he hadn't have actually won the nomination, he would be just another black man- no matter if his mother was white or not- because his father was a black man. An African.

But back to the topic at hand......

Why would you even think to compare the "blackness" of Michelle and Barack. Michelle grew up in the south side of Chicago. Her father struggled to provide for them. And even through his disability, he went to work so that his children could have better lives. She struggled. Barack on the other hand was raised by his mom and grandparents. They lived in Hawaii. Smooth sailing. So, does this makes Michelle more black because she struggled? Is Michelle more black because she grew up in a strong black neighborhood?

Why can't black represent achievement, intelligence, wealth, goals, accomplishments. I'll use myself. I grew up in Alabama. My mom married when I was in elementary school. My step father is in the military, so we moved around a bit. I was exposed to different cultures. I don't really remember struggling. I articulate my words. I say "totally" and "OMG!" Does this make me less "black"? Had I remained in Montgomery, AL, with my mom working three jobs to support us, adapting the slang of the streets, conceiving a child before the age of 17, and not gone to college, would this weigh more on my "black" card? And I use all of that because statistically, those things should have happened to me.

It pains me to see the ignorance of this country. Everyday it is something new. And it's not limited to one racial group. We're all guilty of it in some shape, form, or fashion.

Some of the comments made in that article made me wriggle my noise and scrunch my forehead in utter disbelief and awe. For example:

“The fact that, as a successful black male, Barack did not choose a lighter-skinned woman, as most of them do, sends a message to me,” says a black female supporter at the Pontiac rally.

What kind of message does that send????? So, because Michelle is darker skinned, she is more black? This makes Barack a better man? What does skin tone have to do with anything?? Ignorance.

"See, Barack is the son of an African immigrant, which I like since I adopted me
a country years back, but he’s a Harvard grad, with a white mom and white
grandma.” The lady reaches onto the dash for her purse, and forks over the cash.
“Black as this guy is,” he tells her, “he’s whiter than you!’

Do all white people go to Harvard? What does that mean? Ignorance. Why is it so astounding that this man went to Harvard? Why is it so astounding that someone NOT WHITE can articulate words and form a complete sentence? Ignorance.

Call it what you want. But this nonsense about who is blacker is just that: nonsense. We have to stop it within our own conversations, communities, and culture.

Black doesn't equal poor. Black doesn't equal struggle. Black doesn't equal uneducated. Black doesn't equal unqualified. And until we get that, own that, and live it out, there will continue to be pointless articles written, ignorant comments made, and useless arguments over issues that should be a non-issue.

"Good Good"

As I was perusing blogs this morning, I came across a link to Ashanti's latest track: "Good Good". It is similar to Missy Elliot's ".... Don't Fail Me Now". I must admit, that was my jam in college. I was like 19 years old. I really just liked the beat. The music was hot. Missy's harmonies were on point. And Tweet's strong soprano added that extra umph that the song needed. Now, Ashanti's "Good Good" is no where near Missy's level when it comes to production and vocals. It's a simple song. It echoes the talentless, pointless, crap that runs ramped on radio and TV.

My problem with the song is the message. See, the problem with our youth and young adults today is that we don't know our worth. We don't realize that we are worth more than sex. We don't realize that we are worth more than being someone's "Bust it Baby". We don't realize that skimpy clothes and weave DO NOT make us beautiful. But see, that is what we see on TV every day. That is what we hear on the radio every day. So, teenagers strive to look like the video girls that their favorite artists are lusting after.

And I know this because I used to look at videos and compare myself. I'll never forget how hurt I was when my boyfriend and I were watching the video for "Say My Name". Beyonce did this thing with her hips and he FELL OUT! Up until that point, I was never insecure about myself. I never compared myself to anyone else. I thought I was the ISH! I could never understand why women got mad about their men looking at untouchable celebrities on TV. But my perfect little world came to an end that day. All of a sudden, I noticed the things that they had that I didn't have. And I wanted it.

So, imagine what young ladies are thinking now. Now they must have that GOOD GOOD to keep a man. Sex will make him stay. Sex will make him want me. Sex will make him want to marry me. Are you serious???? Sex is sex. And everything that she says in that song is all wrong! There is always someone better- no matter what the circumstance is. So, saying that your good loving is going to keep him is naive and stupid. And you would think she would grasp this concept- being a grown woman and all.

Let's also talk about how this is promoting sex before marriage. No, I'm no virgin. Yes, I did some things in my day. But thank God that I'm still here to know that everything that glitters isn't gold. There is a problem with our youth and songs like "Good Good" and "Bust it Baby" are contributing factors. Why can't we "Wait Awhile" anymore? And how you gonna take a song about waiting to have sex and turn it into NASTY, DEGRADING, GARBAGE????? And then have the nerve to say (on BET) that God put you in a position to do what you're doing. Nah, son. SATAN put you in that position. Why in the world would God put someone in a position to promote the opposite of His word?? These artists kill me with that.

Anywho... the point of the matter is- Ashanti, your audience ranges from children to adults. You need to be more mindful of the things that you put out. No, you can't control who buys your albums. But you can control the impact that you have. Realize how much influence you actually have and OWN IT. Do something with it. Make a song about empowering young females. Show them that they don't NEED a man. And they definitely don't need sex to keep one. Show them that they are special and that they shouldn't cast their pearls to swine. Teach them to move on when they've been hurt. Not to kill the dude.

Sigh... I digress.

America the Racist

CNN has an article entitled: Behind the Scenes: Is Obama black or biracial?

Are they serious? First of all:

Why does it matter? It amazes me how people will find any way to justify to their own ignorant minds that a BLACK man may be the 44th president. The article is debating whether Barack is "mixed" or indeed "black". Clearly, Barack refers to himself as a black man. So, he is a black man. How are you going to have a debate over a grown man's identity? Who is the author of this madness???

If this were 40 years ago, Barack would be labeled as a nigger. Back then, if your great great great grandfather was black, and everyone else was white, you were black. No question about it. One drop of black equaled black. And now that a black man has a strong chance of becoming our next President of the wonderful USA, all of that is thrown out the window.

The article even went on to say that, "He may be the nation's first black president, but he would also be the nation's 44th white president." In what world??????? I just find it laughable that we actually thought there was progress in America.

To me, it has all been a cover up. We are still a bunch of niggers, just better educated now with better laws to help us out. And there are still a bunch of racist, ignorant people out there who can't accept the fact that anyone not "white" can accomplish great things.

(Please click on the underlined link above and read it.)

I'm Not A Racist, However

I'm sick. And I'm mad. I'm disgusted. I'm naive.

I'm sick of ignorant people. I'm mad that people even think like this. I'm disgusted at their thought process. I'm naive because I really thought that we've made progress.

Yesterday I was playing the "Not Working" game. I was on the internet reading blogs and came across this video. The little white woman was on South Beach on Memorial Day weekend. And because of the black kids who were out partying, living it up, drinking, wearing bikini's, and using foul language, she stated that Barack had lost her vote. Watch it for your self....




And then there is the fist bump. Dap. Why is everything that Obama does scrutinized? They are freaking out over a dap!!! WTH?!? They, and yes THEY as in ignorant people, find ANY reason not to vote for the black man. I can't believe I'm even writing this. But it is true. I'm not going to spend a lot of time on this. I just had to get my 1 1/2 cents out.

And another thing...

I don't understand why people think Diddy's "new word" is cute. That phrase is everywhere!

I think it is rude and unacceptable. Granted, I think differently about things now. But even when I was doing what I did and cursing like a sailor, I didn't walk around- well.... lol.... never mind. I had a shirt that said, "Niggaz ain't..." on the front. And on the back it said, well, you know what it said....

So, I guess I can't go off on them and call them heathens for having it in their status on Facebook and Myspace. But now that my eyes have been opened, I see how ridiculous it all is. Talking like that is not conducive to anything positive. It sets no boundaries. It's lewd. It's rude. And people love it!!

It's funny how we grab onto and base our lives around the words of celebrities. Celebs have no power. They can't save you. They can't get you out of a rut. They can't heal. They don't even know you! Yet, we watch them faithfully. We make time out of our days to watch their shows. Faithfully! We know when the album is going to drop. We give them our money. This is worship, people. Yet, we can't find time to give God a simple thanks...


Remember that commandment??

You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything
that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the
water under the earth Exodus 20:4

Whether you know it or not, like it or not, we are making these images, people, shows, music, our idols! It's being put before the Lord.

What would you rather do?

Watch a football game on Sunday or go to Church?

Watch American Idol on Wednesday night or go to Bible Study?

Stop and give God thanks for what He's done or finish listening to that song on the radio?

This may seem extreme to some. But I'm a believer. And I speak from experience. I did it too. And it's something that I have to work through. I don't want to put anything before God.

And I definitely am not going to walk around talking about, "Girl did you see the way he was acting? That was just plain bit**a**ness."

HORRIBLE!!!

Video didn't Just Kill the Radio Star...

**Disclaimer: "Video Killed the Radio Star" is a song from the 80s...**

Randomness- Yesterday I finished an entire box of Girl Scout Cookies- BY MYSELF!!!!! I felt so weird when I got home. I was drained or something. I guess my body was coming down off of that sugar high. I was afraid to go take a shower because I thought that I would pass out...

Ashanti's new video, "The Way That I Love You." I don't think its cute at all. Sure, its just TV. But, in my opinion, media is getting entirely out of hand! There was a little girl in Maryland who stabbed her boyfriend to death last week! I wonder where children get ideas like that from? Yeah, I'm sure some see it because of their surroundings. But what do you think happens when a child turns on the television to see the body of a man that cheated on his girl in a bath tub??? Their minds aren't really mature enough to deal with that.

I am a witness! And I'm gonna share my testimony. My friend's mother took us to see "A Thin Line Between Love and Hate." We were in the 6th grade. I walked out of that movie theatre thinking that that was the way to act when you love someone who didn't love you back. And that's how I was. I went through high school trying to fight females and spent college being called, "crazy" because I was quick to key a car or go publicly off on my man if he did wrong.

These images are wrong. We shouldn't be setting examples like this for children, or adults! I was disgusted. Honestly.

And that's my randomness for today.

Back In The Day... Puff????

Ever since I purchased Ms. Badu's new album, New Amerykah, I have been on this Erykah kick. I tend to do that. If I am into a particular artist's album, I'll want to go back and listen to every other piece of work that they ever put out.

Well, I was listening to "Back in the Day (Puff)" off of her World Wide Underground CD. Man, listening to music is like playing with fire for me. It took me right back to undergrad, circa summer 2003. Now, keep in mind that I was an entirely different person back then... I was walking on campus, probably coming from work- on my way to class, when a green crown vic with dark tinted windows pulls up. I recognize the vehicle immediately. But to avoid embarrassment (if it wasn't who I thought it was) I just kept looking straight. So, the green vic pulls up next to me. The window rolls down to reveal a car full of well known boys from a popular fraternity. I was cool with all of them. So, they said whats up, asked me where I was going and some way I ended up in the car with them.

We drove around Tuscaloosa on that beautiful, bright, sunny day. I sat in the back with two other guys. They were smoking black and milds and drinking. And so naturally, I drank too. I don't really remember much more than that. I just recall not going to class and riding around the entire afternoon. I do remember telling them to take me home When the sun started to shift in position a little. I was stupid for jumping in the car with them, but the little sense I did have screamed, "DON'T STAY OUT PAST SUN LIGHT WITH THEM!!"

So, after another hour of pleading to drop me off, they finally take me to my apartment. It's a Tuesday evening, not even 9 o'clock, I didn't go to class, and I'm good and tipsy. And that was fun for me. Wow. Talk about how things change.... Thank God for a new life!

Hastiness Cost me $200

I haven't written in a minute. I haven't been inspired to write anything. Perhaps something will come from me sitting down at the computer and just typing. Well, I did do something STUPID as HELL this weekend.

I got this habit from my friend (shout out to Toni) of talking on my cell in the shower. I guess I'm more impatient than I thought. When I want to do something, I want to do it then and there. So, my phone rang and I picked it up and talked on it while I was in the shower. Not the smartest move in the world. This I know. I've done it before without a problem. So, I get off the phone and get out of the shower. I pick up my phone and it has turned off. I try to turn it back on, and it won't. I finally get it back on, but the key pad doesn't work. This goes on the rest of the night. I finally realize that my phone is dead.

I wake up the next morning and go straight to T-mobile. I can't go without my phone. I have no insurance on my phone, am not eligible for an upgrade, and don't want to get another two year contract, so the guy walks me down to this little cell phone booth place to buy an unlocked phone. I do. I get a Motorola L6.
I hate it. I'm sitting in the house sick to my stomach about spending money on this phone. I then realize that my phone is not a year old yet and call T-Mobile. They tell me that they can send me a new one. CRAP! What am I gonna do with this L6 that I just bought? So I go back to the mall to take it back... no refunds. Shit.

I go home, mad as hell. So I put the phone on EBay to try and sell it. Later on that night, I go upstairs. I go in my room and the phone that is supposedly dead says, "insert SIM card". I do, and the bitch turns the fcuk on!!!! Now I have three freaking phones and am out 200 bucks!! WTF?!?!?
Moral to the story: Don't be hasty.