The Point of It All....

Dear B,

Responding to the letter that you left me, along with the photos that we took in Williamsburg is pretty much pointless because you have made your decision. However, I have so much to say; there are so many feelings inside of me right now. In the letter, you wrote me to scribble out all of the ways that you showed me that you loved me. Guess what? I was aware of all of that. I am not blind nor am I oblivious to you. I know you pretty well. In the end, the point of it all is that you left me. In a relationship, there are ups and downs. There are points when things are on top of the world, and points where it feels like you're at the bottom of the valley. In our 2 years, those valleys were pretty deep. You felt like I was unhappy with you because I never told you how much I appreciated you. But I did. I told you every single day. However, these ways weren't conveyed in a language that you understood and vice versa. Neither one of us took the time to try to understand the other person's language. And it has resulted in this.

Being in a relationship, when problems arise, it's important to talk things out. However, instead of that we argued. We argued that Wednesday night because emotions were high. True feelings were not conveyed, but were instead covered up with angry words and ridiculous accusations.

The fact of the matter, though, is that you left me. Did you ask me why? Did you ask me how? Did you try to talk to me to understand me? Did you consider the fact that there was another person in this relationship? No. Instead, you accused me of not wanting to truly be with you and accused me of being unhappy. Then, you left me. You have every right to leave a situation that you are unhappy with. But to put it on me is a cop out... the point of it all.

Trying to give me a reason: that I was unhappy and didn't realize how much you felt is manipulative and a cop out. I can't for the life of me figure out how you ended our relationship based on realizations about my feelings that you NEVER came and talked to me about. You deduced your own conclusion.

You left me. As Bishop said on Sunday, I have been rejected. That is the point of it all.

So, I thank you for the letter reiterating what I already knew. But what you fail to realize is that in all of that, you still did not once stop to think about my feelings - why things were the way they were - why I did/felt the way that I did to even try to work it out.

We have 2 years of chapters worth of pain as well as joy. But because you are able to bounce back and forget EVERYTHING, you expected me to operate in the same manner.

Was I angry with you? No. Had I forgiven you as well as myself? Yes. But the fact of the matter is that I am still human and there are parts of me that were bruised. I expressed this to you. 

But none of that mattered. And it's okay. I will allow you to believe that you left because of my feelings. That you left because you couldn't bare to see me unhappy.

The point of it all is that you left because you wanted to. And writing me a letter to list all of things that you did for me and to end it with me not being able to see it lets me know what the real deal is, how you operate, and what truly left me.

Before I end this, I need to apologize for my ineffective ways of communicating myself to you. I need to apologize for not being able to tell you what was going on with me in a manner that you understood. I apologize for not being able to get you to understand my point of view on things that were important to me.

With that being said, I'm not mad. I'm not bitter. I wish the best for you.