Her Storm, My Desire

OK. So, it's been a MINUTE since I've written anything. I had to get over my fears of certain people knowing about whats going on in my life. But see, that's just it. It's MY life. And I don't live my life for any of the people who read this thing.

Life here in VA is strolling right along. The career is going well. I've made a few friends. Well, one that I can really call someone that I can count on. I've joined a church. And I've even met a guy. That's what's on my mind right now.

I've become her. I am an extremely empathetic person. I don't like to get involved in situations where I feel that I contribute to any one's unhappiness. I don't like drama. Well, here is my question of the day:

Why am I dealing with someone else's storm??

And I know for a fact that he is someone else's storm. He is the love of someone else's life. I am her B and he is my Ke. She is me, a year ago.

But I can't do it. Me and him are not together. However, we are seeing one another. We both acknowledge the fact that we enjoy being around one another and that there is a connection. There is a very strong connection between me and him. But when is enough enough? He talks to me about his situation with her. I listen. I occasionally get angry because sometimes, no, I don't want to hear about her. But this is only natural. How long can two people go on, nurturing a connection, without anything else happening? How long will I be ok with how things are?

At the moment, I am fine. Our strong connection, friendship, companionship hasn't been long. But it took off and never stopped. I don't want to be his girl because there are issues with his ex that aren't resolved. There is drama. DRAMA. But how and when do I know to really back off. He is a man. Men want their cake. And they want to wash it down with all the ice cream and soda that they can get their hands on. Do I remain his confidant, risking falling for him and getting hurt if things take a weird turn? Do I sit and continue to listen to his situation and be there for him, knowing that 45 minutes from me is a woman who is going through the same things that I dealt with barely a year ago?

That empathetic part of me wants to leave him alone and urge him to go to her, make it work. But the other part of me says, what if he was meant for you to get to know? I know that people can remain in relationships that aren't good for them. They can try and try to make it work, even adding an addition to the relationship, only to find that they still aren't for one another. I've been there.

Maybe I will just continue to sit and be his friend. His confidant. His companion. I'm not falling. Surprisingly. Maybe I won't. But I just can't swallow the idea of me becoming her, him becoming him, and she being me.