Lessons Learned

I'm off work today. I get to be lazy and lay around in my sweats and hair scarf all day. Its great. I got a job. I'm super excited. I was so ready to leave my current employer. That place is hell. Seriously. And its more the management than anything. But as the saying goes, you go through everything for a reason. Man, those were some rough 7 months. I can't believe I stayed there that long. But you know what, I've made some friends that I adore. And I have learned some lessons. Some were lessons that were already learned, but perhaps reiterated. I really think I've met some people who are going to be a part of my life for a very long time. They're already like a second family to me. I love them. And one is about to bring a new life into this world and I'm so excited for her. It's such a blessing......

Men. Ha ha! Another lesson learned. So, yeah, I kinda entertained this guy that I used to work with. And when I say entertained, I mean just talking on the phone, texting, movies, stuff like that. And as picky and stubborn as I am when it comes to men, I started to like him. But of course if I like you, there is something terribly wrong with you. He didn't want a girlfriend. And I didn't want a boyfriend, so it was cool. But of course he wanted to sleep with me. That's always the story though. And he's not to blame for that. But I'm not gonna air my dirty laundry on here for everyone to read. What it came down to though was the fact that I was the one making the most effort. To even just chill. It was weird. No woman should have to chase behind a man, not for a relationship or friendship! So, I stopped calling. I stopped texting. And of course that was the last I heard of him. I think I was supposed to learn that I don't have to chase after anyone. If a man wants to be a part of your life, he'll do just that. He will make every effort to be a part of your life. And I call this a reiteration because my butt got over 2 years of that crap. You would think I'd take a clue....

Keeping on with the subject of men, I learned another lesson while being up here. Yes. There was someone who made it clear to me everyday that he WANTED to be a part of my life. And I knew that. But I shouldn't of had to make myself see things his way. I shouldn't have had to question anything. I shouldn't have had to set aside my feelings about situations that were still plaguing me just because he was ready to love me. OK, maybe not love me. But you get the picture. I've learned to follow MY heart and MY intuition about things. I don't have to make myself want anything. I don't have to MAKE myself get over anything. And I don't OWE anyone anything. That's not how it works. You like me, yes. You chose to put effort into me. You chose to put yourself out there. I never once asked you to do that and you CAN'T hold that against me. And I'm not saying that I didn't like you or that I didn't care about you. But you can't just force your feelings on someone and expect them to respond when and how you want them to.

Another lesson learned is to hold on. God will take care of you. And I almost feel bad for writing this and feel like I don't deserve to because I was ANGRY at Him. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be working at the place I was working. I felt like I was being punished. I was jealous of my friends who are all together down there. I was jealous of the people who found great jobs right out of college. I was miserable. But apparently God knows exactly what He is doing. And He is showing that to me.

I've learned that you can't judge people and you can't treat people the way that they treat you. Some really awful things have happened at my current employer. And I fed into the madness. I have been disrespectful to my boss. I've been short. I've had an attitude. And its not right. But shoot! You try going through the things that I went through. I'm just thankful its over.

Hm. Apparently the growing pains don't end as you get older. You continue to learn more. And that's a good thing. I'm a lot wiser.