August has been the roughest month for me this year. 2010 started off exciting for me. My Bishop declared it to be "The Year to Become". In this year, we are expecting to be made into what we are to be from here on out. I interpreted that to becoming what God has called me to be in His kingdom.
I know that seldom anything occurs over night, especially when you're dealing with God's process. He makes sure that you are fully equipped and ready to operate in the capacity in which He has called you. I also know that this requires trials, tests, faith, wisdom, strength, and a good dose of Holy Spirit.
I'm not sure what this month has been about. I don't know if I'm in some type of test. I don't know if this is something that I've brought on myself. But I feel spiritually void. Something is lacking. The more I fight it, the more it fights back. I don't know what "it" is. I'm battling myself.
At the start of this year, I was on a spiritual high. I was constantly in my Word. God was talking to me.... and I was fully aware of it. I could feel myself becoming stronger. But, something happened.
Something shifted and now I'm trying desperately to get back. I'll have a good day: praying, singing, reading my Bible and then literally the next day it seems as though something crazy happens.
I just don't know. I honestly have no clue. I've run out of words to say. Now, my prayer is, "search me, oh Lord." Because I just don't know.
3 comments:
I know the feeling...*hugs*
So, these words came to mind/my Spirit when I read your entry:
You don't know my story,
All the things that I've been through,
You can't feel my pain,
What I had to go through to get here,
You'll never understand my praise,
Don't try to figure it out,
Because my worship,
My worship,
Is for real.
I would dare to tell you that sometimes, two things happen:
1) The enemy tricks us into thinking we're distant or disconnected to keep us from what God has for us. It's a simple ruse: get you to doubt that you're hearing from God and you get yourself off track worrying about what you think you've lost
and
2) Sometimes in relationships -- all kinds -- there must be a period of silence. In the silence, things take root: His words, prophecies, promises. Whatever.
I say this to say, GOD IS STILL THERE. And just because it appears that He isn't speaking to you or it feels that you can't reach Him, doesn't mean it's true. Your worship -- not the rehearsed stuff that looks like worship to the world, but yoUR WORSHIP is for real. God knows you're still talking to Him, trusting Him, and waiting on Him. So keep talking...and tell the enemy NO WEAPON formed will prosper. You know that your God has neither forgotten nor forsaken you.
Embrace the silence. When you're in His presence, there's always stillness and peace. Reclaim your peace, embrace the stillness, and watch God's promises start to unfold before you.
...sorry for the book, but I wanted to share. Love you!
Thanks so much love!!! I really really really needed to read that.
Love you too.
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