sex.... [gasps] yeah, i said it

When spoken, this three letter word evokes all types of emotions. Some people blush at the word. Others raise their eyebrows in excitement. Some become fidgety and nervous. For me, it evokes curiosity. 
Now, seeing as though I am a Christian who is not ashamed of the Gospel; one who isn't afraid to profess her love for Jesus Christ; one who has written about her faith all throughout her blog, to some of you, this may throw you for a loop. Rightfully so. It would throw me for one too. Regardless, if you choose not to read about my inner thoughts on the three letter word, then kindly hit the back button and go back to where you came from. =)






I'm actually having a hard time writing this because all I can think about is the reactions of those who may stumble across this. But why is sex such a taboo topic? Yes, I'm a Christian. Yes, I do believe that sex is something that God meant for a married man and woman to share. But the reality is that I'm still human and I have human feelings.

Now, before you go jumping to conclusions, let me clear up that last sentence. I have human feelings, but that is no excuse to go out and tongue down the next hot guy who comes my way or give my man the goodies. Got it? Good. Okay. Now, let's proceed.


Lately, I've been craving a man's touch. I don't know where it's coming from. It started off as me just wanting to have someone hold me. I wanted to cuddle. I wanted to be comforted. I figured it was just the effects of my friend that comes to visit me monthly. However, she has packed up and left town, and the feelings are still here. The cuddling and comfort has escalated to wanting the three letter word!


The night before last, I had a dream. Yep, a "dream". I don't have these types of dreams often. I was entangled with an ex. I woke up completely confused, bewildered, and slightly amused. What is going on? I've just been saying, "Lord, help me." And I mean it. I told my friend that He sent this snow storm to keep me from making phone calls. LOL! (that was a joke)


But seriously, maybe it's the fact that I'm getting older? I know that most women don't reach their sexual peaks until the 30s. The big 3-0 is only a few years away. Am I going through a change?

When I had a boyfriend, I was very attracted to him. So, of course, I would become turned on. That's natural. And then comes the battle of the flesh versus the spirit. But there is no boyfriend. It's just me, myself, and I. So why am I feeling this way?


This wave of emotion comes at the weirdest time because I'm happy being single. I don't miss fighting. I don't miss wondering what's on his mind. I don't miss worrying about the females who are supposedly "friends". I don't miss any of it. So, I know this has nothing to do with wanting a man. 


Perhaps I miss intimacy with the opposite sex. I miss the hugs and cuddles which has heightened into a desire for the three letter word. Yeah, I think that's it. Lucky for me, I have ways to combat this. Prayer and writing.


What is spectacular about me is the fact that I'm extremely picky. When I didn't care about what God had to say about sex, I was never one for one night stands. I just couldn't get myself to do it. It grossed me out. Sure, he may have been sexy. But the thought of giving myself to a complete stranger turned me off. I even tried it. The results were disastrous to say the least. So, running into cutie from around the way and giving him the business isn't an option.


I'll just continue to marvel at myself. Yes, marvel. I'm marveling at this person that I'm becoming. I'm noticing changes on so many levels.

Spiritually- my hunger for God is growing. I want to please Him. So, no, I won't be out there fooling around. I'll just talk to Him about it. God knows me better than I know myself. He knows what's going on. It's my job to talk to Him about it and trust Him when He says to give EVERYTHIING over to Him. 


Physically- My body is changing! I looked in the mirror this morning as I was getting out of the shower and noticed that my hips have decided that they want to grow a little. My stomach has a cute little pooch to it. And curves are rolling around like crazy. I like it. =) Bring on 30!! LOL!


So, I'll take these feelings, emotions, and growth and roll with it. I believe that I'm becoming the woman that God has been molding me to be. (I've just been in the way). If you didn't know, 2010 is the year to become. Why should "become" have limits? I'm becoming a beautiful woman. Inside and out. And this sexy, God fearing woman is going to blow the mind of whomever gets the privilege of enjoying her. =)


That's all for now.


Be blessed.