Loving Me for Me

All that is on my mind is Jesus and my hair!!!!! Ha! And I need to come correct. I will spend hours on end on people's Fotki's and Nappturality.com. That is time that could be spent with my Lord. *sigh* I beat myself up about it a lot....... but anywho- since we're on the subject of hair.. See what I mean??? LOL... I just wanna talk about it and talk about it!

My friends think I'm a weirdo. I'm so quick to undo a flat twist and show them the nappy's that are growing in. I'm so intrigued with my hair. And this hair journey has been about more than just my hair. I'm learning to love me.

First, let me say that there is nothing wrong with a woman who wants to relax her hair. I was addicted to the creamy crack for almost 13 years! Black women are beautiful regardless of what weight, shape, skin tone, or style they decide to wear their hair in.

HOWEVER, for me, I feel like it's high time that I truly love the woman that God created. He didn't give me a head full of straight hair. Granted, I took very good care of my hair. I became a "relaxed hair" expert!! I always got compliments on my hair. But I've come to realize that that's not me.

No, I am not my hair. I am not my skin. Shout out to Ms. Arie. So if you choose to relax- do you!

But, how can I be ashamed of something that God created? Why would I change my kinks, curls, and nappys? What's the REAL reason why I relaxed?

1. I wanted to do it. It's like a rite of passage for little black girls.

2. I wanted straight hair. It's that simple.

3. "Nappy" has been turned into a negative thing. And I believed that. I believed that I had to "fix" my hair by burning it straight every couple months.

4. It's sexier and more accepted. Turn on the T.V. What do you see? Black women in weaves and wigs. It makes sense to me now when I think about that lyric that Lauren spit:

"It's silly when girls sell their soul because it's in...Look at where you be in hair weaves like Europeans...Fake nails done by Koreans...Come again"

I was at a friends house the other night and her son walked in. We got on the topic of hair and I told him that I was cutting mine off to go napptural. He immediately exclaimed, "NOOOOO! It's so pretty!" So, I asked him what was so great about long straight hair. What makes it so pretty? He responded, "It's sexy!" I then told him, "Well, I'ma make nappy sexy!!" =)

Some where down the line I fell into society's way of thinking: long + straight=beauty. God is perfect. He makes no mistakes. He made me this way. So, how in the world did I ever think that anything about me was ugly??? It's like slapping Him in the face. "Ok Lord, I know You had good intentions when you made me this way, HOWEVER, it's just not working for me." Really?!? Wow....

And again, if you relax- more power to you! I'm not knocking it. I'm simply sharing my point of view. My realization. My journey. Our journey's are different. Thank God! I'm me and you are you! =)

I'm learning to love me for me. I used to hide behind my hair. I've never thought that I was ugly. But I knew that I had nice hair. If my hair wasn't done, I felt ugly. I rocked short hair in high school. But it was relaxed and ON POINT! Never out of place.

And now that I'm transitioning; wearing it twisted straight back, not slicking down my edges, letting the nappys do their thing, it's kind of freeing. I feel beautiful. This is me: frizzy hair, big forehead and all.