Walk Away

It's been two months since I've written anything. And I think its because I was afraid of what came out of me when I sat down and began to type. I was reading over my last entry. I've actually made up with the friend that I called "my ace." She crossed my mind and I sent her a text message. We ended up on the phone the next day and talked for three hours straight. And it's funny how things work out, because she ended up being there for me when I made the decision to leave the guy that I was dating.

Read through my blog, and I'm sure you'll get plenty of background info on him. So, no need to go into all the details. But I did something that I've never had the strength or courage to do. I simply walked away.

Women. We tend to stay in situations, knowing that they're not good for us. They're actually unhealthy! But we want to stick it out. Things will change! It will get better! If I just do this, then he'll come around! If I give him what he wants.... blah blah blah

I am guilty of it. I'm guilty of putting myself in a situation where the man didn't respect me. He didn't want to be with me. He wasn't even over his ex. And I allowed him to treat me how he wanted to treat me. He was quick to tell me about myself, without stopping to look at himself. He was quick to compare me to other women- especially his ex. There was no satisfying him. And when I was told that I was a conflict of interest, I had to get out. That was the last straw.

Don't ever allow anyone to tell you that you are a conflict of interest in any type of way. Don't settle for BS. And definitely don't fret over what will happen once you put your foot down.

When I told my friends about what happened, some of them immediately began to ask me about other guys. They would say, "well, what about the guy you met last month?" or "what about the guy who lives up the street from you?" I don't have a problem with being single. And moving on to someone else isn't going to solve anything. My problem is the fact that the relationship that I had with this person did not work out. But I'll get over that small factor. I'm actually looking forward to my time alone. I think its needed. I'm never selfish. I always think about everyone else's feelings. So, its high time that I focus on me, not to mention my relationship with God. Yes, it seems to be an ongoing thing. I go back and forth.

I put God on the back burner when I was dating this guy. My Sundays ended up being spent with him. And its not the guy's fault. It's mine. I did it. And after all was said and done with the guy, I shamefully went to God with my head bowed and asked him for forgiveness, help, and peace. I felt like God was punishing me; like he wasn't listening. But you see, I wasn't listening. Last night I opened my Bible. And honestly, I did it full of doubt. I didn't think that I would get any answers by simply opening my Bible. But guess what I found?

Psalm 77- The person is in despair and calls on the Lord, feeling though that He is ignoring him. But he then begins to meditate on all of the wonderful things that the Lord has done for him and remembers that God's love is unfailing.

I then turned a few pages and landed on this: Philippians 4:4-7 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Now, if that's not God speaking to me, then I really don't know what is. He told me. Don't be troubled. Don't feel anxious about the outcome of the situation. I've got you. Give it all to me in prayer and I will give you peace beyond your understanding.

I questioned whether I did the right thing. Now I know.