Yesterday I was upset. And I can't really pin point why. The day started off bad. I get to work, and the vibe is bad. Towards the end of the day, my boss pisses me off to the point that I am shaking. I ended up staying at work and extra hour and then when I do get off, I get outside and my car wont start because someone left my lights on. I say it was my friend. She says it was me. I had to get a jump. So the car starts working. I come home and have a message from someone on the Lamebook. (don't ask me who, cuz its not important.) Just know that it added to the madness. My heart felt so heavy. The many deaths that have occurred this year were also on my mind. All of this was mixed up in my mind. I called my friend and I told her how heavy my heart was.
And I then began to cry.
I sobbed on the phone. And she just listened. Like a friend is supposed to do. It was the next best thing to crying on her shoulders since we live 12 hours apart...
I then realized how much I'm beginning to learn about myself. Prior to moving up here, I thought that I was OK with change. I always thought that i was the type of person who accepted and needed change. I see now that I was wrong. The uncertainty of life scares the hell out of me. I remember saying (in between sobs) how I wanted to go back to college where everything was laid out.
Being out of Alabama and the element that I lived in for almost 5 years has really allowed me to focus on me. I react to stimuli. I react to the things that bother me or force me to stop and take a look at myself. Its a scary thing when you think you know yourself, and come to find out that you have no clue who that person was 2 years ago.
God is doing some major renovations within my life right now. I can't wait for the finished product.....
No comments:
Post a Comment