As is the case with me, when I'm going through something, I retreat. I have to get my thoughts together and process the situation that is going on in my life. I'm usually an extremely reactive, impulsive person. So, if I were to write in the climax of crap, I would not only embarrass myself, but those involved.
Alas, I finally humbled myself and prayed. Let me tell you, it was the best thing that I could have done for myself. I'm not over the situation completely, but I am a lot better. I have more peace now. Before submitting to God and praying, I was a mess.
God deals with me in seasons and situations, as He does all of us. Most recently, the Lord has been teaching me the art of faith and waiting. Now, I've graduated on to FORGIVENESS.
I've found that I don't realize what is inside of me until I'm put to the test. I thought that I was a pretty forgiving person. I consider myself to be extremely compassionate and understanding. However, when inflicted with pain that crosses my threshold of compassion, I become angry, bitter, vengeful, and full of wrath. The last thing I want to do is give the culprit ANY satisfaction.
You want me to talk to you? Kick rocks! I'll ignore you.
You want me to hear you out? Shoot yourself! Go tell it to someone who cares.
You want me to forgive you? Boy please! I'd rather see you fall into a deep depression before I utter those words to you.
See what I mean?
Honestly, all of thee above are what I have been feeling this past week. When the news was first told to me, I was mad; but there was an eery numbness to it. As the days went on, I began to feel again. My mind began to process everything, causing more anger to seethe from the deepest parts of me.
How do you simply forgive and let go? The culprit needs to know that this is not cool. The culprit needs to understand that I am done having my emotions dragged through the mud. The culprit needs to realize just how much pain has been inflicted.
As I was laying in bed last night, a song came to my mind: "A Heart That Forgives" by Kevin Levar. Every single syllable of the song is my cry to God. I can't let this hinder me. God has brought me such a long way. I can not allow the culprit's actions to slow me down. I can't be bound by unforgiveness.
I'm at work right now and can't access YouTube to post the song. But google it. If you're going through a similar situation, I'm sure this song will bless you too.
2 comments:
wow thanks for posting this. I looked that song up, it's great. I've been dealing with a close friend that hurt me, considers herself a Christian but won't apologize! I felt like I forgave her but I really needed to hear an apology (and preferably a sincere one) before I could move on... I was so happy to find this article on John Piper's website. http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/pipers-take-on-forgiving-an-unrepentant-person
Pray girl! and keep pushing
I was wondering where you were. I lack all types of things but what I have mastered is the ability to get over things quickly. Unfortunately that comes with or without forgiveness. Time heals all*hugs*
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