It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday

How do I say goodbye to what we had?
The good times that made us laugh outweigh the bad.... I thought we'd get to see forever, but forever's gone away
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

I don't know where this road is going to lead. All I know is where we've been and what we've been through.

If we get to see tomorrow I hope it's worth all the wait.
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

And I'll take with me the memories to be my sunshine after the rain
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

Last week, I had a moment. I was organizing my inbox at work when I came across over 300 emails from my ex. Of course, I started to read through them. I found myself analyzing the emails, trying to figure out when things took a turn for the worse. The emails date back to July. I could feel emotions begin to rise. I knew that I needed to delete the memories, and then delete them from my deleted items. But I couldn't. I straight up told God, "I'm not ready to let go." It wasn't a sentiment that I expressed non-verbally to God. I opened my mouth, looked up towards the sky and said, "I'm not ready to let go."

Even though our relationship was over, I wasn't ready to let him go mentally. I carried him around with me everyday. I still thought about him, looked for him in church, and even talked about him.

The next day, my friend asked me to sing with his group at a church in DC. I reluctantly said yes, even though I was excited on the inside. So, he sends me the songs to learn so that I would be prepared on Friday. I really thought that the Lord was simply using me to help usher in praise at this church service. Boy, was I SO OFF!!

Friday night, we get to the church. We get up to sing and the Lord really did bless. I praised, worshipped, thanked the Lord, and sat down. Next, it's time for the pastor to speak. He gets to the pulpit, and says that he is going to talk to us about, "Letting Go." I just closed my Bible. I already knew where it was going. Within 7 minutes of his sermon, the tears were flowing. I couldn't contain it. By the end, I was weeping.

He preached out of the book of Jonah. You know the story - Jonah and the wale. He preached about letting go of our Jonahs. Jonah was running from God. He got on a boat and immediately the storms begin to rage. When the people figured out that the storm was because of Jonah, they asked him to pray to his God to have the storm cease. Jonah told them to throw him overboard.  Let me repeat that: Jonah told them to throw him overboard.

The sailors decided against it. Instead, they continued to try to row to shore.... and the storm continued to rage.

Finally, they got smart and threw Jonah over. Guess what happened? The storm ceased.

When my ex and I were together, things would go smoothly for awhile. Then out of nowhere issues would arise, causing us to argue and fight. The smallest things turned into all out war with us. God told me back in March to keep moving forward. I probably even blogged about it! But instead of listening to God and the storm that was engulfing us, I tried my hardest to make it work. I just wanted to get to the shore. I just knew that if I kept on rowing, we would make it to land and everything would be alright.

Even after breaking up, I still had hope in my heart. Some way or another, things would change because I love him. I would be able to make him happy and vice versa.

God said, "let it go."

Honestly, something has lifted. The heaviness that I felt last week is completely gone. The yearning that I had to have him back in my life is gone. It just doesn't get any clearer than this. God has been holding me by the hand, ordering my steps. I liken it to a little girl who is just learning how to walk. Her daddy is holding her hand, guiding her so that she doesn't fall. She may stumble a bit, but his hand keeps her from falling.

On the way back home, I laughed, looked at my friend and told him, "God brought me all the way to DC to tell me to let it go."

What more is there to say?

So, I let it go. bloglovin