Count Your Blessings

I hope you all have a safe and happy Thanksgiving. Eat a lot! Laugh a lot! Love a lot!! And please remember to stop and count your blessings. I don't realize how blessed I truly am until something tragic happens to someone close to me. A co-workers son died yesterday. That is so horrible. And it was totally unexpected. I can't imagine what she is going through right now. So, when you feel like life is at its worst, remember- it could be even more worse.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

God Bless.

Have You Seen Me?

Somewhere along the way I lost myself

I'm not sure how and I can't tell you when

But somewhere along the way

I lost myself

$80 jeans, stiletto pumps, a bag to match each fit

That was never me

I was cute in my overalls, flip flops, and a baby Tee

Worrying about my hair, eyeshadow on my lids?

A ponytail and some chapstick was all that I'd give

And with this simplicity I was confident and care free

You get what you got, love me or hate me

But somewhere along the way

I lost myself

BCBG, Nine West, Baker's, Steve Madden

Where did all of this come from?

Louis Vitton, Coach, Prada

MAC eyeshadow and lipgloss

Just a whole lot of

junk

Junk that was suffocating me

Junk that was blinding me

Junk that was turning me into

someone else

Somewhere along the way

I lost myself

Chemical fire cream every 12 weeks

Roller wraps, flat irons

hair so sleek

I did all of this

just for you

to not even acknowledge

the pain that I went through

to become someone else

to become her

just to have you love me less

deeper and deeper

i was drowning

in this sea

suicide

slowly murdering the real me

I'm not sure how i survived

don't know who came to my rescue

but I'm glad i was revived

my life brand new

Somewhere along the way I lost myself
I remember now and can tell you when

But I'm happy to say

that it'll never happen again

You Think You Know

I love the internet. My love of the internet has been fueled by my love for computers. My parents always thought I was going to end up doing something with computers. I just never had the drive. Now I regret it. But back to the internet... The internet is similar to my world. My world, known to me and those around me as "(my name) land" is where my thoughts are free to roam wild. There are no inhibitions. No chains. No judgement. No turning up of noses. No "gasps" made in shock. I can think about anything and everything.

I love "(my name) land". The internet is the same. I can get on and read about anything and everything. I get to become lost in the blogs of those that share the same sentiments as me. When I'm feeling funky, sad, spiritual, goofy, sexy... there is something for it all.

At times, I wish I had kept this blog private. I'm limited.

Don't front.

We all have different sides to us. You will never get to see every side of a person. The you that others know is what you allow them to know. And the me that the blog world knows is only what I've allowed you to read.

There are topics that I would love to write about. There are issues that I want to put in words. But that would be too much. So, I'll continue to live vicariously through others; commenting on experiences that I can relate to; laughing at things that I've been through; and crying with those who are in pain also.

It's not me being fake. It's me protecting those who think they know me.

Maybe one day, I'll unleash another part of me. Maybe I'll just start another blog and post anonymously. Or maybe I'll keep it to myself and my FBD: the only person that I can talk to who doesn't judge me.

We'll see.

FullComplexity

Can I be candid? Can I be honest? Can I be real?
---Of course I can. This is my blog.

I love rainy days
I love watching clouds float by in the sky
I love music that doesn't quite fit in a box
jilly jill
dwele
ms. badu
miles
kelis
coltrane
N.E.R.D.
I see colors when I listen to music
I want my house to reflect my musical tastes
My favorite's always bring to mind deep earth tones
browns
reds
black
oranges
purples
I love to touch
I can lay with you all day long
and not say a single word
Just being near you
hearing you breathe
listening to your heartbeat
is enough for me
I want a house with lots of trees
I love trees
I love nature
I love the fall
I love your lips
I love the way you look at me
I love my complexity

But with that brings intricacy, confusion, and rage
I'm a ball of love, compassion, tears, passion, fears, worship, anger, and happiness
I'm constantly thinking
constantly analyzing
constantly amazed at myself
I fight internal battles that only God knows about
But the aftermath resonates

I believe you pick up on it
I believe you know
I believe you would never do anything to
intentionally hurt me
I believe you would never do anything to
perpetuate this battle

I need you to be understanding
I need you to be here for me
I need you to be
even when you don't feel like it

Selfish
Add that to my repertoire too

I'm trying to understand myself
my motives
my wants
my desires
my heartache
my worship

Where is all of this going?

Could you really be made just for me
I stopped believing
stopped trying
stopped caring

This urgency pulls from inside of me
It causes me to completely loose focus
change courses
and retreat
How can I get past this
Why hasn't it gone away
Women's intuition
The Devil in me
God trying to tell me something
My own evil mind

I'm trying to find
But to ease it all
I'll just think about the fall
the trees
the music
your lips
watch the clouds
paint colors
and cry

this sounds sad, but i'm actually extremely happy. just wanted to add that. =)

And It's Funny You Should Call Today

My roomie emailed me and asked me if everything was ok because I haven't posted anything in a while. Ha! For some reason, I haven't been inspired to write or share. This is bad though because I know for a fact that we learn from one another and we can also overcome from other's testimonies.

Not much has been happening in my life. I'm happy to say that we finally got it together. :) And I really can't imagine it being any other way. It's like all of the madness stopped as soon as we decided that we were just going to be together. Maybe that was the problem the entire time....

My high school sweetheart called me today on my lunch break. He has cancer. I was fine until I typed that last sentence. He has cancer. When he told me, I was flabbergasted and confused. And as he talked, it was amazing to me that the thing that was bothering him the most was an argument that he had with his girlfriend. He said that he was in extreme pain on Sunday and wanted to go to the doctor. But, she insisted that he just go to church. "Maybe you'll feel better," she told him. However, he was fixed on going to the doctor. This prompted a huge argument.

He wanted to know if she was wrong. Geez. These types of subjects are touchy. I told him that she was wrong for trying to force it down his throat. Not even God forces us to worship Him. In Deuteronomy 30:19, God tells us that He has set before us life and death, blessings and cursing. He then told us which one to choose. He simply said, "choose life." So, the option is there. You just have to do it.

I do agree with her that He needs to start attending church regularly. We all need a relationship with God. We have to have it. It's imperative. And there is no way that one can cultivate a healthy relationship without church. I don't care what you believe, what your momma did, or what you heard on the radio. In Ephesians 4:11, it says that He "gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up." How can one hear without a preacher? Romans 10:14.

Ultimately, I told him that his girlfriend is just extremely worried and doesn't know how else to convey that she wants him to put his trust in the fact that God can heal. I told him not to be mad. But I also told him that he needs to pray. He feels wrong because he doesn't have a relationship with God. He feels like he has no right to ask for healing. He asked, "why should God help me when I haven't done anything for Him?" And I told him, "God is not like man." That is the beauty of God. God is love. He is perfect. And He already helped us- when we were far, far, far away from Him, separated by stinky sin, He died on the cross for us. It's already been done. What we have to do is accept the gift. Just receive it and believe.

Once you make up your mind that you want God to take control of your life, let Him in. He will knock. You just have to make the choice.

I then gave him some scriptures and told him to pray. I honestly believe that everything is going to be OK. You wait and see.

My Wish List

I l-o-v-e music. Secular and Gospel. This ruffles the feathers of some. And I don't think that we should listen to any old thing. Some stuff is absolutely ridiculous and I don't want that nonsense in my head. But I know that I will never give up ALL secular music. Not going to happen. And if you have a problem, then click that button at the top right of the window with the "X" on it. =)

Q-Tip's new album: The Renaissance:: I've always loved his music, solo and with A Tribe Called Quest. "Let's Ride" was my fav. Yall remember that? His sound is always so refreshing! His latest single, "Getting Up" is my jam. I love the piano on the track. Not to mention that he is talking about loving his woman.

Feelings that should never end And you respect me like a friend But love me like your man No other could contend

I like to watch everybody gravitate towards you Your magnetic presences make them come thru The same way you got them you got me too

The Foreign Exchange:: I've NEVER heard of them before. But I am so glad I stumbled across them. And they've been out for a minute too. They have a song out called "Daykeeper." I like. Very mellow. Melodic. Vocals are tight. His voice!!!! The album is called, "Leave It All Behind". It's reminiscent of Dwele and Raheem. More Dwele though. I LOVE IT!

Why dont you stay here with me I pray that our morning won't leave Let me keep you Then youll see Dont hide the truth from yourself Its you that i'll love and protect Let me keep you here with me

Ahh, Musiq:: His new album is entitled, "On My Radio." Honestly, I'm not feeling the first single. I don't get it. Who is he trying to appeal to? It's so left field for him. I mean, change is good. It worked for Mr. Legend on "Green Light." But I'm not feeling "Radio" at all. It sounds like he tried too hard. Booo. BUT, "So Beautiful," which is the song that you hear playing right now is MY JAM! AAHH! I love it! Now, this is what I call good Musiq. I'm iffy about his entire album, but I will definitely dish out .99 cents to get that one track off of Itunes.

The music comes in all soft and seductive. And then he croons:

You're my baby, my lover, my lady All night you make me want you It drives me crazy i feel like you were made just for me babe Tell me if you feel the same way cuz it just feels so right I dont wanna waste no time If i had to choose I know im gone always choose to be with you

Girl dont you know you're so beautiful I wanna give all my love to you girl Not
just tonight but the rest of your life I wanna be always here by your side

I see a trend. All of these songs are about a man loving his woman and wanting to be with his woman. No games. No foolishness. No other woman. It's just you and me baby. That's how its supposed to be. =)

New America

pic by Patrick Moberg

On my way to work this morning, I listened to people discuss ignorant comments that have been made to them and their children. It's only been 2 days! My goodness. After discussing the results of the election with her class, one teacher stood up and politely informed her class that, "Barack is more white than black." Huh?? Another woman called into the show and recounted about how a co-worker came up to her and asked, "Are you happy now?"

Are you serious? People are hilarious. If you encounter any ignorance, simply ignore it. Don't snap back. Don't add fuel to the fire. Just smile and walk away. Let them say whatever. It's not going to change a thing. He's in baby! For the next 4 years!

And this brings me to my next mind spill:

How can anyone NOT see the hand of God in all of this?

Look at his background. He was a little black boy who came from a single family home. They weren't rich at all. His grandparents raised him. Statistically, well, you know what statistics say. He shouldn't be where he is. Yet, he managed to come out on top. This guy attended and completed Occidental College, Columbia University, and Harvard Law School. It's like his entire life has been covered up until and for this time.

This man had the WORLD rallying behind him. Who does that? Who has that kind of power? That kind of swagger? That kind of ability to ignite hope in nations near and far? France, Italy, Japan, Africa, Israel.... You'd think that Mr. Barack Obama was running for President of the world! That is nothing but God.

And I say its nothing but God because we don't have the power or ability to accomplish anything on our own. It is in Him that we have our being. Whether you realize it or not. Whether you believe it or not. And if you didn't know, now you know.

I'm excited to see what's in store. I'm excited about change. I'm excited about my generation becoming involved in this America. It's ours also. We should care. We should know what's going on. We need to be a part of every aspect because this is our Nation. This is our America.

As a black woman, I'm excited that we have such a positive, influential black man leading our country. He loves his wife. He takes care of his family. He is educated. He is articulate. He wears a belt! He defied the odds and did something with his life. This makes me so happy because my siblings have the example right there in their faces. There are no excuses. You can succeed. You are someone. You do matter.

Ok. I think I'm done with my Mr. President posts.... for now.

(pics courtesy of The Huffington Post, Nov 4, 2008)

America

Yes, we did.

The significance of what occurred last night is so great that I still can't quite put my psyche around it. We, America, voted a black man into office. We did it. We actually came together and made a change. Obama represents change. He has inspired so many people. He has given hope to those who never thought that their vote counted. They didn't think that they mattered. But last night, all of that changed.


I had a get together at my house. When the announcement was made, we were happy. We were half asleep though, so the joy didn't quite come out. But we understood the significance. I didn't cry. I didn't leap for joy. I sat there in utter awe.


This morning I picked up the phone and called my grandparents. My grandmother's words will always stick with me. She told me that she literally fell to her knees. Can you imagine how big this is for her? My grandmother was born in 1939 in Montgomery, AL. You do the math. She grew up in one of the most raw, racist, and rural states during that time. She lived through it all. She watched Dr. King march through Alabama. She stood by and watched as her brothers and sisters were abused, oppressed and murdered. She knows what it feels like to go to the back of the bus. She knows how it feels to have to use filthy bathrooms that aren't fit for any human being- simply because of the color of her skin. She cleaned up after people, took care of their children. My grandmother lived through it all and I'm so happy that she is alive today to see Barack Obama become our next President.


But you know something? This isn't about black or white. It's not about rich or poor. It's not about Republican or Democrat. And it's not about Obama or McCain. This is about God. And all glory must go to Him. He is the one who appointed Barack for such a time as this. He is the one that opened those doors. He is the one who is going to deliver us from not only the past 8 years, but from years of oppression and captivity of even our minds. We must remain humble and realize who really did this. We don't want to stay in this wilderness.


Aiight. That's my two cents. =)

A change has come.

November 4, 2008

The day is finally here!!

Today marks the end of 8 years. This is the year of new beginnings. And America's new beginning has come. I really feel that God is doing something huge. I'm not worried. We are a chosen people. And God is going to take care of His chosen people, no matter who is elected.

Be anxious for nothing.