Nonexistent

emotions.
i try not to be ruled by my emotions
these feelings that overcome me and send me
into an abyss of overwhelming thoughts

gut feelings.
my women's intuition kicks in and
i can't fight the feelings
i can't shake them
i want to ask questions
i want to know if what i'm sensing is
the truth

is my living in vain?
am i nonexistent to you
in the sense that i want to exist to you?
am i your scapegoat?
am i carrying you on my shoulder while you decide
what you really want

i'm not pressuring.
i am however a woman with
feelings. emotions. gut feelings.
i don't want to be hurt

the shit has hit the fan.
i don't want to jump into a relationship
but
a relationship is what we have
i want you to acknowledge what is in front of you
i want you to see
the present
and not
the past

and until you can do that
i am the one who is in fact
nonexistent