- "Inside My Love" Minnie Riperton. She is the lady that sings "loving you is easy cuz you're beautiful...." and then hits that high note at the end that now only Mimi can do.
- "I Love Your Girl" The Dream. I wrote an entire blog about my guilty pleasure relationship with music. But, it shall remain a draft. No need to put my bizness out like that! lol.....
- "Save Your Love For Me" Nancy Wilson. She is a fantastic Jazz/Soul singer. This song was my theme for Seem. I used to play it in my car and sing my little heart out. Boooo.....
- "Holding On" J Moss. Sometimes its hard to hold on...
- "Having You There" Mississippi Mass Choir. I was brought up on this stuff. I love it better than any Gospel song thats been put out today. They just don't make music the way they used to do it.
- "Yes" Mississippi Mass Choir
- "Near The Cross" Mississippi Mass Choir. You thought I was playing about them????
- "Old Luvas" Dwele. I'm still waiting on mine.
- "Is It Possible" Raheem DeVaugh. Seriously, is it possible???
- "Happy Feelings" Maze I feel that happy feeling. I'll spread it all over the world.
- "Golden Time of Day" Maze Classic
- "Half Crazy" Musiq I'll always love this song
- "Take You There" Musiq His way of politely telling her that they don't have to have sex cracks me up. And the music is phenomenal.
- "I Wanna Be Where You Are" Dewayne Woods. I love this song. I still can't figure out some of the lyrics. But the song captures my feelings about the Lord.
5.30.2008
Music Makes Me High
These sum up my feelings at the moment- and are on my playlist:
Dreams... NOOOO!!!!!!!
If you were to take a gander at my blogs of the past-somewhere in between 06 and 07, you would see that I am a huge dreamer. My dreams are like an outlet for me. I used to be extremely emotional, letting the whole world know when something was bothering me. If I was heart broken or missing someone, everyone in my vicinity would know about it. I've grown out of that. But now I suppress it. This isn't healthy either. And I know that this is happening when I start dreaming about the person or situation.
In college, I was dangerously in love with my ex. And I say dangerously because it wasn't even love. It was some unhealthy, addictive, cycle that I was caught up in. It completely consumed me. I couldn't see anything past him. It was crazy. Satan is good. He tried to take me out during that situation. My friends don't even like to talk about him or that period. They tell me that I was like a completely different person. I even lost a friend (for a few years) because of it. But anywho, the point of saying all of this is that after I ran away from the whole state and tried to start a new life, I dreamed about him EVERY SINGLE NIGHT for an entire year!!! It was crazy. It was like he haunted me in my sleep. And in the beginning, I would always see him, but he would never see me. As the year went on and I started to get over him, we would interact in the dreams. It was crazy. But anywho...
I dreamed about seem last night. Lawd!! Please don't let this mess happen again! Well, I know I'm not in the condition I was in two years ago. I wasn't infatuated with seem or dangerously in love. But he popped up in my dream last night. I won't get into the whole thing. But, I woke up right after we stepped into my bedroom. *sigh* I need to go to a dream interpreter. I've always said that.
Please go away seemie.
In college, I was dangerously in love with my ex. And I say dangerously because it wasn't even love. It was some unhealthy, addictive, cycle that I was caught up in. It completely consumed me. I couldn't see anything past him. It was crazy. Satan is good. He tried to take me out during that situation. My friends don't even like to talk about him or that period. They tell me that I was like a completely different person. I even lost a friend (for a few years) because of it. But anywho, the point of saying all of this is that after I ran away from the whole state and tried to start a new life, I dreamed about him EVERY SINGLE NIGHT for an entire year!!! It was crazy. It was like he haunted me in my sleep. And in the beginning, I would always see him, but he would never see me. As the year went on and I started to get over him, we would interact in the dreams. It was crazy. But anywho...
I dreamed about seem last night. Lawd!! Please don't let this mess happen again! Well, I know I'm not in the condition I was in two years ago. I wasn't infatuated with seem or dangerously in love. But he popped up in my dream last night. I won't get into the whole thing. But, I woke up right after we stepped into my bedroom. *sigh* I need to go to a dream interpreter. I've always said that.
Please go away seemie.
5.29.2008
Man Qualifications:
So, I was watching the Flavor of Love 3 Reunion yesterday. I was truly disgusted. Flava Flav represents everything that I DETEST in a man. All of the qualities in a man that make me sick to my stomach, everything that I've dealt with, and all of the backwards ideologies and notions make up Flava Flav.
In my experiences with men, I've found that the majority of them have the same dumb, macho, stupid idea about how to treat a woman. They are backwards and hypocritical.
Men expect a woman to lay everything out on the line. She has to put her heart out there. She can't be involved with anyone else- at least 2 years prior to him talking to her. She has to be a 10! She can't ask questions that pry into his personal life or touch on the subject of what he is doing when he isn't with her. Everything that needs to be put out there is off limits. But if a woman acts this way, she is, well... you know.
So here is a list of qualities that my man MUST have:
1. No kids. Sounds harsh, I know. But I've had my experience with the guy with a child. Not happening EVER again. Especially if the child is under 10 years old.
2. No ex within the past year. Men like to act all hard. But they are the most sensitive and weak creatures when it comes to the ex. Especially if he loved her. If you still talk to your ex or have to communicate with her for some reason and you've only been a part for less than three years, you can walk on by. I'm not dealing with it.
3. Good credit report. I need to see a print out of your credit report. Seriously. And if you can't do that, you need to demonstrate to me that you can handle your finances in a responsible manner. If I have to help you get a cell phone, then walk on by. If you have a decent job, making more than me, and still can't make ends meet, then walk on by. And this would be for dumb reasons like: spending all your money on clubbing. Which brings me to my next topic:
4. No clubbing or drinking. The lifestyle that I live is an inebriated free, no clubbing lifestyle. As a man thinketh, so is he. If he spends his time in the club, chasing after half-naked women, then I don't want him. His world is different from mine. He finds comfort in that type of environment. I've been delivered from that and we definitely aren't going to see eye to eye on anything.
5. Devout Christian. This should have been number one. I know. Being a Christian and living for Christ is a decision that I make daily. I choose not to drink. I choose not to club. I choose not to have sex. I choose to pay my tithes. I choose to do ministry. I choose to spend my free time helping out the Kingdom of God. I choose to get up on Sundays and drive to church. I choose to go to choir rehearsal on a Friday night instead of who knows what. If he isn't in church, then he won't understand. And we will not work.
I'm hungry now... But I will add to this list later....
In my experiences with men, I've found that the majority of them have the same dumb, macho, stupid idea about how to treat a woman. They are backwards and hypocritical.
Men expect a woman to lay everything out on the line. She has to put her heart out there. She can't be involved with anyone else- at least 2 years prior to him talking to her. She has to be a 10! She can't ask questions that pry into his personal life or touch on the subject of what he is doing when he isn't with her. Everything that needs to be put out there is off limits. But if a woman acts this way, she is, well... you know.
So here is a list of qualities that my man MUST have:
1. No kids. Sounds harsh, I know. But I've had my experience with the guy with a child. Not happening EVER again. Especially if the child is under 10 years old.
2. No ex within the past year. Men like to act all hard. But they are the most sensitive and weak creatures when it comes to the ex. Especially if he loved her. If you still talk to your ex or have to communicate with her for some reason and you've only been a part for less than three years, you can walk on by. I'm not dealing with it.
3. Good credit report. I need to see a print out of your credit report. Seriously. And if you can't do that, you need to demonstrate to me that you can handle your finances in a responsible manner. If I have to help you get a cell phone, then walk on by. If you have a decent job, making more than me, and still can't make ends meet, then walk on by. And this would be for dumb reasons like: spending all your money on clubbing. Which brings me to my next topic:
4. No clubbing or drinking. The lifestyle that I live is an inebriated free, no clubbing lifestyle. As a man thinketh, so is he. If he spends his time in the club, chasing after half-naked women, then I don't want him. His world is different from mine. He finds comfort in that type of environment. I've been delivered from that and we definitely aren't going to see eye to eye on anything.
5. Devout Christian. This should have been number one. I know. Being a Christian and living for Christ is a decision that I make daily. I choose not to drink. I choose not to club. I choose not to have sex. I choose to pay my tithes. I choose to do ministry. I choose to spend my free time helping out the Kingdom of God. I choose to get up on Sundays and drive to church. I choose to go to choir rehearsal on a Friday night instead of who knows what. If he isn't in church, then he won't understand. And we will not work.
I'm hungry now... But I will add to this list later....
Just a Thought
I've always been a daydreamer. I've always been nostalgic. I've always been one to dwell in the past. I would never truly move on with my life. Part of me tries to move forward while the other half is stuck in the dealings of times past. I'd finally come to a place in my life where I truly let go of the past. I let go of all the mistakes that were made. I forgave myself for the dumb stuff that I did. I forgave those that hurt me. I was done.
So, why is my mind slowly drifting to things of the past? And not surprisingly, I think one of my close friends is also dealing with this. I was trying to be quiet about it. But maybe if I write about it, I can deal...
I dreamed about my ex the other night. Why???? I think subconsciously it bothered me that he acted like he didn't know who I was when a mutual friend told him that I said hi. I know. It's so petty. But I really think that bothered me. I'm really trying to figure out why he is harboring ill feelings towards me. If anything, I should be the one angry. But I'm not. I've moved on with my life. I wish him the best in everything. And I find myself wanting to dial those 10 digits that I still know by heart just to hear his voice and say hi. I know nothing will come from it. I don't want him. But it would be nice to see how he is doing. Funny thing is, however, is that when he tried to do the same to me, I cussed him to the high heavens and told him to stay out of my life. Hm... Maybe that's why he's bitter? But that was over a year ago. You ended up with the woman you wanted. You made your choice. Why be angry?
And then, there is Seemie. Sometimes I find myself wanting to see him. But I know that he is not what I need. I know that he doesn't have half of the qualities that I want in a man. In actuality, he is the reason why I have such high standards. Isn't that something? But I do care for him. And I worry about him. But is this me being the caring person that I am? Or am I suppressing some feelings for him that I thought were gone?
And as I type this, I am reminded of a conversation that I had with my friend. The things that I told her are the same things that I'm wondering about myself.
I KNOW that I don't want my ex. I really think that the re-introduction of him into my psyche: hearing his voice, him acting like he didn't know me, bothered me. So, that's why he is on my mind.
But Seem? That one is questionable.
So, why is my mind slowly drifting to things of the past? And not surprisingly, I think one of my close friends is also dealing with this. I was trying to be quiet about it. But maybe if I write about it, I can deal...
I dreamed about my ex the other night. Why???? I think subconsciously it bothered me that he acted like he didn't know who I was when a mutual friend told him that I said hi. I know. It's so petty. But I really think that bothered me. I'm really trying to figure out why he is harboring ill feelings towards me. If anything, I should be the one angry. But I'm not. I've moved on with my life. I wish him the best in everything. And I find myself wanting to dial those 10 digits that I still know by heart just to hear his voice and say hi. I know nothing will come from it. I don't want him. But it would be nice to see how he is doing. Funny thing is, however, is that when he tried to do the same to me, I cussed him to the high heavens and told him to stay out of my life. Hm... Maybe that's why he's bitter? But that was over a year ago. You ended up with the woman you wanted. You made your choice. Why be angry?
And then, there is Seemie. Sometimes I find myself wanting to see him. But I know that he is not what I need. I know that he doesn't have half of the qualities that I want in a man. In actuality, he is the reason why I have such high standards. Isn't that something? But I do care for him. And I worry about him. But is this me being the caring person that I am? Or am I suppressing some feelings for him that I thought were gone?
And as I type this, I am reminded of a conversation that I had with my friend. The things that I told her are the same things that I'm wondering about myself.
I KNOW that I don't want my ex. I really think that the re-introduction of him into my psyche: hearing his voice, him acting like he didn't know me, bothered me. So, that's why he is on my mind.
But Seem? That one is questionable.
5.27.2008
Memorial Day Weekend 2008
This was the LONGEST weekend ever! It felt like a week's worth of events happened in a few days. Friday started off with choir practice and a pow wow at my friend's house. We watched Juno. Extremely interesting movie. It got a few laughs out of me. Saturday officially kicked off our MD weekend. We went to Maryland to cook out. We had a smorgas board of food!!! We ate, talked, laughed, sang, and watched "The Great Debaters". Pretty good movie! I had to wait until it came out on DVD because it was NO WHERE to be found in the movie theatres around my way- but thats another topic......
So, Sunday was supposed to, of course, be spent at church. Nope. It was spent at the ER. See previous post..... And that's all I have to say about that. However, my WONDERFUL sisters spent the entire day with me. I love those girls!!!! Muchos besos, chicas!!!But on Monday, I was ready to kick it again! We went to a Jazz Festival in the park. The weather
was absolutely beautiful!!! We just relaxed and enjoyed the sun, the breeze, the good music, and each other's company. It felt good to relax with your friends. No drama. No pettyness(however you spell it).
Remember Honey Suckles? There were tons of them. So, of course, we had to get a taste......
was absolutely beautiful!!! We just relaxed and enjoyed the sun, the breeze, the good music, and each other's company. It felt good to relax with your friends. No drama. No pettyness(however you spell it).
Remember Honey Suckles? There were tons of them. So, of course, we had to get a taste...... After the park closed on us, we ended up at TGI Fridays. We didn't want it to be over!!!! Besides, the sun was still up, kinda... who wants to go home?????
We waited FOREVER for a seat. Mind you, the restaurant was empty. Idle time + waiting for table + random guy willing to let us use him= PICTURES!!! So, we took pictures.
After I sat and talked to the random guy at the bar, invited him to church, and heard his entire life story about his crazy girlfriend who beats up on him, we finally got seated.
And of course we continued to take pics..... We had the BEST salad ever! It was just a regular side salad. But Friday's must have put crack or something in it. We all ended up ordering them, thanks to Bell. I love being around people who like to eat as much as I do. So, we sat and talked, played questions- well, "Christian Confessions" and then went on our merry little way. And that's my weekend in a few paragraphs. I really had nothing interesting to say. I just wanted to post pics. =)
5.22.2008
God's Got A Way
I'm in pain. I'm frustrated. I'm cranky.
I want to be angry. Why do we have to have these things in the first place???? It's not fair! UGH!!!!!
But then I realize that if I simply take care of my body, I wouldn't be having these issues.
God's got a way. He is very smart. He knew that we weren't going to always exercise the way we should. He knew we were going to choose a Whopper with cheese over that salad and fruit. He knew that we would sit on our lazy behinds and watch TV instead of taking a brisk walk around the neighborhood.
And because he knew this, he enabled our bodies to tell us when something is terribly wrong.
God's got a way.
So, I can't be angry. I can't be pissed off. There will be no "WHY ME?!?!" I did it to myself. And I'm going to completely change my entire lifestyle. I can't go through this anymore.
God's got a way. And it definitely got my attention.
I want to be angry. Why do we have to have these things in the first place???? It's not fair! UGH!!!!!
But then I realize that if I simply take care of my body, I wouldn't be having these issues.
God's got a way. He is very smart. He knew that we weren't going to always exercise the way we should. He knew we were going to choose a Whopper with cheese over that salad and fruit. He knew that we would sit on our lazy behinds and watch TV instead of taking a brisk walk around the neighborhood.
And because he knew this, he enabled our bodies to tell us when something is terribly wrong.
God's got a way.
So, I can't be angry. I can't be pissed off. There will be no "WHY ME?!?!" I did it to myself. And I'm going to completely change my entire lifestyle. I can't go through this anymore.
God's got a way. And it definitely got my attention.
5.19.2008
Venting
Why can't people accept the fact that I have MOVED ON? I am no longer in that place- mentally, physically, and spiritually! I'm not the same woman you knew. Please let the past go.
I got over it.
Why can't you???????
I let MY past go. I dealt with MY issues.
Why can't YOU let MY past go. Why can't YOU get over MY issues?
I'm tired of people thinking they know me, when they really don't. You don't KNOW ANYTHING about my life. What you think you know about me is a collection of images from your memory reflecting my past. A past that is null and void. Get to know the real me before you even think to open your mouth, pick up a phone, or send an email regarding anything that has to do with ME.
Then again, I guess if I were still there, still frozen in time- 6 years ago, I would think I knew me too.
I got over it.
Why can't you???????
I let MY past go. I dealt with MY issues.
Why can't YOU let MY past go. Why can't YOU get over MY issues?
I'm tired of people thinking they know me, when they really don't. You don't KNOW ANYTHING about my life. What you think you know about me is a collection of images from your memory reflecting my past. A past that is null and void. Get to know the real me before you even think to open your mouth, pick up a phone, or send an email regarding anything that has to do with ME.
Then again, I guess if I were still there, still frozen in time- 6 years ago, I would think I knew me too.
Turn, Turn, Turn
"But I can't stand these growing pains...." Ms. Badu never lied when she said that. I can't stand them while I'm in the moment. But hindsight is 20/20. And I'm so glad that I have to go through them. I'm a much better person once I go through the situation and learn from it.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 tells us that there is a season for everything. Everything happens for a reason. "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven..."
The Byrds made one of my favorite songs (Turn, Turn, Turn) using that entire scripture. And its so true.
I can see the transitions in my life. The structure of the relationships in my life are changing. People are going while others are replacing them just as quickly. The season that is ending in my life has to do with a friendship. The friendship showed me a lot about myself. I saw the good, the bad, and the ugly of me. The ugly really disappointed me. Be careful what you ask for. I asked God to take out what wasn't like him. And sure enough, he allowed me to be in a situation that uncovered all of my ways. Every bit of bitterness, anger, trust issues, and unforgiveness was surfaced. Oh, and let's not forget loving unconditionally.
I don't feel like going into it. But I have learned. I've learned how to be more assertive. I've learned how to not let people walk all over me. I've learned that friends can and do grow apart- even in the smallest amount of time. I've learned that, "make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold" is something that we all need to live by. And when a friend can't understand that concept, you should deal with the issue head on. Yes, deal with issues head on. I've learned to keep my mouth shut!!! I've learned a lesson in loyalty. I've learned to love through the flaws. I'm not perfect either... I can't stand drama and fakeness. It disgusts me. And I've learned that if this ever happens again, I need to talk to God about it and let him work it out. Because all we ever do is make things worse.
I'm going to take all of this into the relationships that blossom in my life from this day forward. No more drama. No more childishness. No more pettiness. No more. I'm a few years away from 30. No more games.
What's funny is that I've NEVER encountered anything like this before. So, I hope I've learned what I was supposed to learn. I will take the ugly in me and dispose of it. I will be a better me because of it.
I'm just glad its over.
pay no attention to the clips..... but it is the song.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 tells us that there is a season for everything. Everything happens for a reason. "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven..."
The Byrds made one of my favorite songs (Turn, Turn, Turn) using that entire scripture. And its so true.
I can see the transitions in my life. The structure of the relationships in my life are changing. People are going while others are replacing them just as quickly. The season that is ending in my life has to do with a friendship. The friendship showed me a lot about myself. I saw the good, the bad, and the ugly of me. The ugly really disappointed me. Be careful what you ask for. I asked God to take out what wasn't like him. And sure enough, he allowed me to be in a situation that uncovered all of my ways. Every bit of bitterness, anger, trust issues, and unforgiveness was surfaced. Oh, and let's not forget loving unconditionally.
I don't feel like going into it. But I have learned. I've learned how to be more assertive. I've learned how to not let people walk all over me. I've learned that friends can and do grow apart- even in the smallest amount of time. I've learned that, "make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold" is something that we all need to live by. And when a friend can't understand that concept, you should deal with the issue head on. Yes, deal with issues head on. I've learned to keep my mouth shut!!! I've learned a lesson in loyalty. I've learned to love through the flaws. I'm not perfect either... I can't stand drama and fakeness. It disgusts me. And I've learned that if this ever happens again, I need to talk to God about it and let him work it out. Because all we ever do is make things worse.
I'm going to take all of this into the relationships that blossom in my life from this day forward. No more drama. No more childishness. No more pettiness. No more. I'm a few years away from 30. No more games.
What's funny is that I've NEVER encountered anything like this before. So, I hope I've learned what I was supposed to learn. I will take the ugly in me and dispose of it. I will be a better me because of it.
I'm just glad its over.
pay no attention to the clips..... but it is the song.
5.16.2008
Andwele Gardner. Bday
"And find love with your guy name Dwele G...."I AM ECSTATIC about DWELE'S NEW ALBUM!!!
I've been waiting three years for another dose of him!!!!
I LOVE his music! If I had to choose one person to write the soundtrack to my life, it would be him.
Yall don't understand.
If you only know him from Kanye West's "Flashing Lights", then you need to seriously do your homework.
Some Kinda<--- that album right there, OH!!!! I still listen to it like it came out last week.
The melodies. The jazz. The funk. The soul. The love.
June 24th. Can't wait!!!
And while I'm on the subject, last night I had THE GREATEST TIME all by myself!
I like to have the music playing when I clean up. The radio wasn't playing anything worth listening to. I didn't feel like listening to choirs scream out notes (which reminds me that I HAVE TO go music shopping for some more gospel music. I don't want to hear the same stuff all the time!!!)
So, I put in BDay. Me + Beyonce = MADNESS!!!
I danced and jumped around SO HARD last night! I worked it better than Mrs. Carter herself!! And it was all in the privacy of my own home. And I had the best fun of my life!!
5.15.2008
The Price is Right!
So. I went to She's So Fly to get my dose of her- because I'm an addict- and she mentioned that she's had random songs stuck in her head all week.
ME TOO!!!!
From the time I woke up until the time I got in my car, the theme song from "The Price is Right" was playing in my head, ON REPEAT, mind you.
LOL!!! I'm doing my hair and getting dressed and casually going along with the song in my head. And then, when I started to run out of time, the music sped up! I'm so weird..... But you already know this.
And now, the song is in my head AGAIN!!!
So thank you She's So Fly for kindly triggering my subconscious to rememeber that freaking song. =)
ME TOO!!!!
From the time I woke up until the time I got in my car, the theme song from "The Price is Right" was playing in my head, ON REPEAT, mind you.
LOL!!! I'm doing my hair and getting dressed and casually going along with the song in my head. And then, when I started to run out of time, the music sped up! I'm so weird..... But you already know this.
And now, the song is in my head AGAIN!!!
So thank you She's So Fly for kindly triggering my subconscious to rememeber that freaking song. =)
5.14.2008
New Life?
I’m struggling with my sense of self
I’m struggling with me
How do I fit into this new life that has become mine?
I had no issues before
I am who I am
You either hate it or love it
But that now can’t be
How do I fit into this new life that has become mine?
Stressed out or burdened
Upset or broken
Idle or bored
I had a way to escape all of the above
How do I fit into this new life that has become mine?
R&B
Soul
Funk
Jazz
A sucker for
A beautiful melody
A crazy bass line
Harmonies out of this world
How do I fit into this new life that has become mine?
How I see myself
Young, sexy and free
How you dress
A representation of what’s on the inside
I agree to an extent
Mini skirt and tights
Cute top to match
Fierce hills
Hair free and wild
How do I fit into this new life that has become mine?
So afraid of letting Him down
Hearing the words of my leaders in my thoughts
Contradicting what I thought was right
I’m not talking about drinking
And I’m not talking about drugs
I’m not talking about clubbing
And its definitely not boys
I’m struggling with my sense of self
I’m struggling with me
How do I fit into this new life that has become mine?
I’m struggling with me
How do I fit into this new life that has become mine?
I had no issues before
I am who I am
You either hate it or love it
But that now can’t be
How do I fit into this new life that has become mine?
Stressed out or burdened
Upset or broken
Idle or bored
I had a way to escape all of the above
How do I fit into this new life that has become mine?
R&B
Soul
Funk
Jazz
A sucker for
A beautiful melody
A crazy bass line
Harmonies out of this world
How do I fit into this new life that has become mine?
How I see myself
Young, sexy and free
How you dress
A representation of what’s on the inside
I agree to an extent
Mini skirt and tights
Cute top to match
Fierce hills
Hair free and wild
How do I fit into this new life that has become mine?
So afraid of letting Him down
Hearing the words of my leaders in my thoughts
Contradicting what I thought was right
I’m not talking about drinking
And I’m not talking about drugs
I’m not talking about clubbing
And its definitely not boys
I’m struggling with my sense of self
I’m struggling with me
How do I fit into this new life that has become mine?
5.13.2008
Financial Woes
I was checking my credit report and saw that I have a credit card with Bank of America. It's open. The balance is of course $0 because I had no clue that it existed. The credit limit is way more than my little hands should grasp. The year opened is 2002. And I know exactly how I got it. These dudes were forever trying to get students to open credit cards. They would bribe us by saying, "FREE T-SHIRT!" And at the University of Alabama (ROLL TIDE ROLL!), T-shirts were all that we students rocked. We could make a T-shirt look like some haute couture. So of course, being the naive freshman/sophomore that I was, I applied and got my free t-shirt. I must've chucked the credit card when it came in the mail though. I honestly didn't know any better.
But now, this card is on my report! One of two things needs to happen.
A. I contact the bank and tell them to close it.
B. I contact the bank and tell them to send the card my way!
I know I don't need it. But times are hard! But then I hear,
"He will supply".
Gosh darnit. I guess I'll call and get the freaking card closed.
And while we're on the subject:
I haven't received my stimulus check from the good ol' 'govment' . I was thinking maybe it was because they didn't get my payment. Yes! I owed money! WTW (that is what in the world- for us non-cussers) But something told me to go and look at my transaction history. And there it was. They didn't waste anytime! As soon as I clicked submit, they took that money out of my account. And I was going to send them a check for the amount owed. Glad I didn't. Now, where is my stimulus check??????
But now, this card is on my report! One of two things needs to happen.
A. I contact the bank and tell them to close it.
B. I contact the bank and tell them to send the card my way!
I know I don't need it. But times are hard! But then I hear,
"He will supply".
Gosh darnit. I guess I'll call and get the freaking card closed.
And while we're on the subject:
I haven't received my stimulus check from the good ol' 'govment' . I was thinking maybe it was because they didn't get my payment. Yes! I owed money! WTW (that is what in the world- for us non-cussers) But something told me to go and look at my transaction history. And there it was. They didn't waste anytime! As soon as I clicked submit, they took that money out of my account. And I was going to send them a check for the amount owed. Glad I didn't. Now, where is my stimulus check??????
5.10.2008
Still
I tell myself that I'm over you. In my mind we are through. To love you and serve my God in no way can be true.
We're on two different pages. We're traveling down different paths. But I miss your conversation. How you made me laugh.
Stary skies, in your truck, you told me how you felt. I listened, though already there, you made my heart melt.
Months go by. Cycle after cycle. Continuous. Never an end. My soul in desperation. Living in this venemous sin.
New beginnings mark one year. You're still all in my ear. In my soul you've made a tie. I still held you dear.
I know what is best. I want to pass this test. God use me as you will. And our lives you shall forgive.
To You he gives his heart. Declares you as his Lord. But baby steps is what he tells me. Still filling his own void.
I cry out to you in pity and in pride. The other side of me no longer can I hide.
Still one month later. Still one year later. I lay here and tell myself that I'm over you.In my mind we are through. To love you and serve my God in no way can be true.
We're on two different pages. We're traveling down different paths. But I miss your conversation. How you made me laugh.
Stary skies, in your truck, you told me how you felt. I listened, though already there, you made my heart melt.
Months go by. Cycle after cycle. Continuous. Never an end. My soul in desperation. Living in this venemous sin.
New beginnings mark one year. You're still all in my ear. In my soul you've made a tie. I still held you dear.
I know what is best. I want to pass this test. God use me as you will. And our lives you shall forgive.
To You he gives his heart. Declares you as his Lord. But baby steps is what he tells me. Still filling his own void.
I cry out to you in pity and in pride. The other side of me no longer can I hide.
Still one month later. Still one year later. I lay here and tell myself that I'm over you.In my mind we are through. To love you and serve my God in no way can be true.
5.09.2008
Same Song All Day Long...
This started off as "Friday Whys" and ended up as a regular post:
Why are the dumbest songs the most popular?
Love in this club has to be the most ignorant mess I've heard in a while. And now Beyonce is co-signing on it.... *shakes head and sighs*
Why do the dumbest songs have the tightest beats?
Lil Wayne- Lollipop. Need I say more?
Why have we become so brainwashed into thinking that monogamy, love, NOT sleeping around, honesty, and a woman's worth are LAME?
Anita Baker sang about "Sweet Love".
Michael Jackson told his woman that she would always be the "Lady of My Life".
Phil Collins crooned about his "Groovy Kind of Love".
Dave Hollister told us that he is a "One Woman Man."
Janet Jackson, once upon a time, wanted to "Wait Awhile."
Maxwell serenaded the entire world about a "Woman's Worth."
And now we have our youth listening to men talk about women as if they were prostitutes on the street!
He "let her lick the lollipop."
He doesn't want to get to know you. But you look good in your skimpy attire in the club. So let me get some of that "love in the club" at the risk of pregnancy, AIDS, and your broken heart. Because, who wants a RELATIONSHIP anymore???
I understand that these are merely songs. But music is so impactful. Music is one of the few things that unites us all around the world. There is no denying the power of it.
Blacks, whites, Christians, Jews, and racists can all like the same song. Think about MJ in his hay day. That man had such an impact on the 80s and 90s. He got a whole generation to stop and look at the "Man in the Mirror." But that has been replaced today by sex, money, drugs, clubs, and parties.
And sadly, these things are more mainstream than ever.
Where are our morals? I am a lover of music. My IPOD has held everything from Jay-Z to Alanis Morissette. From the Foo Fighters to The Mamas and the Papas. From The Clarke Sisters to The Dixie Chicks. But I have noticed an increase in the decrease of subject matter that will build our youth up, especially in Hip Hop.
I tried listening to our Hip Hop/R&B station the other day as I was driving home from work. I couldn't do it. I was so disgusted.
I don't want my siblings singing these songs, getting these ideas in their heads, and thinking that its ok to be that way. It's not.
I guess that's where good parenting steps in. Prayer steps in. A good foundation.
I'm not here to blame the degradation of women, the disarray of our youth, or the state of America's society on Hip Hop. But I am saying that it plays a part. And the sooner that these artists, labels, and the industry own up to it, the faster we'll be towards a better mindset for our people.
Just in case yall (that's the Alabama in me :p) didn't know: Chrisette Michele was referring to me when she sang
Yesterday I saw a B-girl crying I walked up and asked
what’s wrong. She told me that the radio’s been playing the same song all day
long. So I told her I got something you’ve been waiting for. I got something
you’ve been waiting for.
I'm still waiting...
5.08.2008
Side Note
I OVER THINK everything. I OVER ANALYZE everything.
I have a hard time letting things be. It is what it is.
I have to psych myself out to stop myself from obsessing over whatever the issue is that really isn't an issue.
(Wow that was a long sentence)
I have, however, learned that the only thing I get from obsessing is anxiety, panic attacks, a messed up stomach, no appetite, and out of control nerves.
So this time, I'm going to let it go. It is what it is.
Keep Hope Alive!
Can we talk about how right on time God is? Can we talk about how deep his love for us goes? Can we talk about the Holy Spirit speaking to you and dealing with you about things?
For a long time I've been feeling lost. I feel like I'm running and not going anywhere. I feel like time is steadily passing, but I wake up everyday doing the same thing, stuck in the same place.
I no longer knew what to pray for. I just knew that I was unhappy. I stopped dreaming.
That's a dangerous place to be in.
Two weeks ago my church had its annual Women's Conference. I remember crying out to the Lord, asking him what his will was for my life. I had no clue anymore. I stopped going after the things that I wanted. I couldn't see anything. I felt blind. I tried to look beyond and only saw a vast nothing. This had been bothering me for a long time.
Yesterday I sat in my office and stared out the window. I just looked at the clouds, the sky, the people driving by and wondered what else was out there for me. I wondered how I was going to get out of this mess that I am in. I just sat there. I even began to blog about it. But it was just too much.
Wednesday night Bible teaching. The atmosphere was crazy! I could tell that tonight was going to be off the chain. Literally.
Pastor opened his mouth and the words hit me like a ton of bricks.
"Dream Again"
See, the truth of the matter is that God has a plan for our lives. Yes, I'm unhappy with my present state. Yes, I want more money. Yes, I want my own place. Yes, I want to have a career writing. Yes, I want a family.
But I let the enemy stop me from dreaming. I let him tell me that those things were silly. He would say to me, "People are starving and dying everyday and you're asking for some money? Rubbish!"
So, I wouldn't ask. I would simply say, "God, help me with my finances." If that.
But see, we have to dream. Pastor said that, "dreams speak about your victories, are visualized through your faith, and materialized through your efforts." You have to keep a dream in your spirit. If you have no dream, no passion, then what are you striving for? What are you striving to become?
And if you have a dream- whatever it may be- don't stop. If you stop dreaming, your hope dissipates. Hebrews 11:1 says that, "Faith is the substance of things HOPED for. The evidence of things NOT SEEN."
So, you have to have a dream to have hope. And you have to have hope to have faith. And without faith, it is impossible to please God. God is ultimately above ALL of what we perceive to be true. It's a must that we please him. It's a must that we diligently seek him. Because "for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him."
All in all, I've learned these things to be true:
For a long time I've been feeling lost. I feel like I'm running and not going anywhere. I feel like time is steadily passing, but I wake up everyday doing the same thing, stuck in the same place.
I no longer knew what to pray for. I just knew that I was unhappy. I stopped dreaming.
That's a dangerous place to be in.
Two weeks ago my church had its annual Women's Conference. I remember crying out to the Lord, asking him what his will was for my life. I had no clue anymore. I stopped going after the things that I wanted. I couldn't see anything. I felt blind. I tried to look beyond and only saw a vast nothing. This had been bothering me for a long time.
Yesterday I sat in my office and stared out the window. I just looked at the clouds, the sky, the people driving by and wondered what else was out there for me. I wondered how I was going to get out of this mess that I am in. I just sat there. I even began to blog about it. But it was just too much.
Wednesday night Bible teaching. The atmosphere was crazy! I could tell that tonight was going to be off the chain. Literally.
Pastor opened his mouth and the words hit me like a ton of bricks.
"Dream Again"
See, the truth of the matter is that God has a plan for our lives. Yes, I'm unhappy with my present state. Yes, I want more money. Yes, I want my own place. Yes, I want to have a career writing. Yes, I want a family.
But I let the enemy stop me from dreaming. I let him tell me that those things were silly. He would say to me, "People are starving and dying everyday and you're asking for some money? Rubbish!"
So, I wouldn't ask. I would simply say, "God, help me with my finances." If that.
But see, we have to dream. Pastor said that, "dreams speak about your victories, are visualized through your faith, and materialized through your efforts." You have to keep a dream in your spirit. If you have no dream, no passion, then what are you striving for? What are you striving to become?
And if you have a dream- whatever it may be- don't stop. If you stop dreaming, your hope dissipates. Hebrews 11:1 says that, "Faith is the substance of things HOPED for. The evidence of things NOT SEEN."
So, you have to have a dream to have hope. And you have to have hope to have faith. And without faith, it is impossible to please God. God is ultimately above ALL of what we perceive to be true. It's a must that we please him. It's a must that we diligently seek him. Because "for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him."
All in all, I've learned these things to be true:
- It's ok to want more for your life. God's will is for his people to be a blessed people. If we go higher, we can help the Kingdom of God in higher realms.
- We have to go through trials. We will have doors shut in our face. It's not easy. But your faith in God is what will please him and is what will get you through.
- Keep Hope Alive! Rev. Jessie Jackson was on point when he said that!! =)
- We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. And that being said, all things within the will of God: all things just, honest, true, pure, pleasing to him.
- Dreams don't magically happen. You have to put in effort. God will give you the strength. You just have to ACT on the Word and DO IT. Remember: FAITH WITHOUT WORKS IS DEAD.
- Don't let the enemy steal your dreams from you. He knows the plans for your life. He understands God's love for us more than we do. And he hates it.
I hope this helps someone. Because it sure did help me!!
Peace and Blessings.
5.05.2008
He Will Supply
January 2007
She and two of my other BFF's from college were all at the apartment doing what we used to do best. Hanging out, eating, talking, drinking, just having a good time.
I immediately jumped back two years. I could literally feel myself there. And for a second, I missed it.
May 2006
I never imagined that I would go in a completely different direction. I never imagined that I would be the one to stop partying. To stop drinking. To stop smoking. The question however is, would I have stopped had I not moved to VA?
May 2006I always thought that I made the choice to move to VA. I always thought that it was me. I ran away from Tuscaloosa, AL. I ran away from the heartache, the depression, the tears, the embarrasment, the slandering of my name.
But now I realize, that God brought me out.
Even when I didn't love myself, he did. I had nothing to do with it. God knew what he was doing. And he knew what it would take to get my attention. It took taking me out.
I love those women to death!!!!!! I would NEVER EVER want to lose their friendship. Those are my sisters. They understand me better than anyone. And I always thought that I would never meet anyone else like them.
Enter HLCC. I truly believe that our steps are ordered. And I know that God has been ordering my steps since day one. Even pledging. Had I not chosen the Sorority that I did, I would not have been around someone extremely instrumental in my faith and spirituality. Had I not pledged, I would have not gotten to know the person that proved me a liar.
Even when I didn't love myself, he did. I had nothing to do with it. God knew what he was doing. And he knew what it would take to get my attention. It took taking me out.
I love those women to death!!!!!! I would NEVER EVER want to lose their friendship. Those are my sisters. They understand me better than anyone. And I always thought that I would never meet anyone else like them.
Enter HLCC. I truly believe that our steps are ordered. And I know that God has been ordering my steps since day one. Even pledging. Had I not chosen the Sorority that I did, I would not have been around someone extremely instrumental in my faith and spirituality. Had I not pledged, I would have not gotten to know the person that proved me a liar.
And along with her came the most genuine, down to earth, loving caring people that a girl could ever ask for. Hallelujah!!
It's the little things that God does that amazes me. He knows what you need. And he'll always supply. If God cares enough to give me simple things, like a good support system, then I know that he can provide me with everything else. Why worry? No worries. Not when I have a Father like that.
I'm grateful. It's truly flowing from my heart right now. I'm in awe. And that's really all I have to say.
Weekend Update
I had an absolute blast this weekend. Some friends and I decided to go out and have fun. The weather was BEAUTIFUL! Why not hang out on a Friday night? We're in the D.C. Metro area, we're young, full of energy, ready to get this party started!!!! But then, we run into a problem.
We don't drink. We don't club.
We're in D.C.
Christians in the City. <--- oh! I think I have a concept for a new blog. Now, had this been a few years ago, all of us would've had NO PROBLEM. But, we've dedicated our lives to living according to the purpose and plan of God's will.
What do we do?!?!? We tried looking for spoken word spots. However, Friday nights are for dancing, bumping and grinding, drinking: "Love in the Club"
Everything non-alcoholic, non-lustful, non- 'party like a rock star' was null and void.
So, we ended up at Lucky Stripes. It's a club disguised as a bowling alley. When we sat down to eat, the first thing the waitress said was, "Wanna start off with some drinks?"
And she wasn't talking about coke products.
We made the best of it anyway. We ate- the food was good. We observed. We talked and laughed. We met some guys who wanted to bowl. Ha! That ended up being a disaster!!! Let's just say that letting a man, "beat that a$$ and getting drinks afterwards" just wasn't appealing to me.
We leave.
We end up at a pool/game place called Continental. It is empty. Probably because everyone is out clubbing. It was nice. We played games, danced around amongst ourselves being silly, and had a nice time....
looks like a commercial for, "Pantene Pro-V: Relaxed and Natural"
We don't drink. We don't club.
We're in D.C.
Christians in the City. <--- oh! I think I have a concept for a new blog. Now, had this been a few years ago, all of us would've had NO PROBLEM. But, we've dedicated our lives to living according to the purpose and plan of God's will.
What do we do?!?!? We tried looking for spoken word spots. However, Friday nights are for dancing, bumping and grinding, drinking: "Love in the Club"
Everything non-alcoholic, non-lustful, non- 'party like a rock star' was null and void.
So, we ended up at Lucky Stripes. It's a club disguised as a bowling alley. When we sat down to eat, the first thing the waitress said was, "Wanna start off with some drinks?"
And she wasn't talking about coke products.
We made the best of it anyway. We ate- the food was good. We observed. We talked and laughed. We met some guys who wanted to bowl. Ha! That ended up being a disaster!!! Let's just say that letting a man, "beat that a$$ and getting drinks afterwards" just wasn't appealing to me.
We leave.
We end up at a pool/game place called Continental. It is empty. Probably because everyone is out clubbing. It was nice. We played games, danced around amongst ourselves being silly, and had a nice time....
looks like a commercial for, "Pantene Pro-V: Relaxed and Natural"
5.02.2008
Friday Why's...
Why is the one thing that I loved the thing that I have to tone down?
before I decided to truly walk with Jesus, music was my refuge.
I went to my ipod, computer, and stereo if I was stressed out, upset, angry, happy, whatever.
I went to my ipod, computer, and stereo if I was stressed out, upset, angry, happy, whatever.
But I'm learning that my refuge is Jesus.
Why does "Crown Royal" by Jill Scott have to sound so good????????
...
Why didn't I twist my hair a week ago?
I didn't realize how long my hair really is until I twisted it last night.
I would post pics but my camera needs batteries
I would post pics but my camera needs batteries
and my phone is acting crazy.
Which brings me to my next "why"...
Why is my INTERNET on my phone NOT WORKING????
Come on T-Mobile!!!
I can't check my email. I can't send pics to my blog!
I can't check my email. I can't send pics to my blog!
I can't chat with my best friend! Stop the madness!
Why am I on this reggae kick so hard?
I've been rocking out to Ayo.
I even did a search for Reggae gospel.
And I liked what I found. =)
And I liked what I found. =)
Why do men find it necessary to pop in and out of your life?
'nuff said.
Why do I feel the need to re-do my entire wardrobe because I went natural?
I feel more in tune with me.
And I feel that my clothes just don't represent that.
Why have I discovered what one of my biggest personal issues is?
And I really believe I inherited it from my momma.
But praise God that I recognize it
But praise God that I recognize it
and can allow him to work on me.
Why does coffee make my stomach hurt?
But I'm hard headed and I drink it anyway.
5.01.2008
Ayo. Vitamin Water
"Down on my knees! I'm begging you!" So, I have always been a sucker for great vocals, beautiful melodies, and anything sounding different from the "norm". Introducing Ayo. She is Reggae meets Neo Soul meets Funk meets genius!
I stumbled across her and was curious. I'm so mad that we (stateside people) get the good stuff so much later than Europe. That is one thing I do miss about living in Europe. I miss the eclecticness of it. I would give her bio, but I'm at work- and technically not supposed to be on here. So check her out at http://ayomusic.artistes.universalmusic.fr/ Her album was released here in 2007. But of course, she doesn't sound like Beyonce or Mimi- so you probably never heard of her. (I do, however, enjoy Mimi and Be.)
On another note....
My hair is super chunky today! Yeah! I was doing 'wash-n-go's' everyday until I got lazy two days in a row and realized that I liked the way my hair looked without co-washing. I would post a pic, but the server is down on my Blackberry. T-Mobile will be getting a call as soon as I get off of work. Hey, why wait until I get off? I'm OBVIOUSLY not doing anything work related at the moment.....
Oh yeah!
Carbonated Vitamin Water- the yellow one is the DEVIL! Don't drink that stuff less than 4 hours before you plan to sleep. I drank about half a can before church last night. When I got home, I was WIRED! I didn't fall asleep until 1 am. And I'm feeling it now. I'm in need of a nap. Seriously.
I have nothing interesting to say. So, I guess I'll go and do some work. *sigh*
Peace and Blessings.
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