Gimme a Sec...

So much is going on in my mind right now... Gonna be M.I.A. for a hot minute. I have a lot of sorting and reassessing to do. Your prayers are highly appreciated. =)

Guilty Pleasure

I have a love affair with music. I call it a love affair because of the views of my church and a lot of the people that I'm around. Secular music is the devil! Watch what you put into your temple! I agree to an extent. Not all secular music is "the devil". Sure, I can see how listening to Teddy P. or Maxwell can make one want to call up their significant other and get it poppin. And I definitely know from experience that Lil Jon can make you want to jump on a trifling hater and pull all her hair out feel a little hostile.

I used to be a Three 6 Mafia chick. The Unbreakable's was my favorite album. If you know anything about them, you know that the subject matter of all of their songs is: sex, weed, money, sex, more weed, more money... oh and taking the charge. And I used to LOVE IT! But now, I know that those things aren't in my best interest. And there is nothing Christ like about any of that. So, I don't listen to it.

My problems arise when their is a tight beat or melody. I love music. Maybe I just need to get me some instrumentals or something. Because if a song has a tight beat, I will usually find some way to justify me listening to it. As long as the lyrics aren't way out there, then I'll probably nod my head to it.

With that being said, these are my guilty pleasures at the moment. None of them have horrible lyrics. The fact that some of these songs are arguably crap is why I call them my guilty pleasures.

1. DIVA- Beyonce

Now, I have NO CLUE what she is talking about. I get that a "diva is a female version of a hustler. Of a hustler. Of a, of a hustler." But what is she saying? Out the blue she says, "tell me something. Where your boss at? Where my ladies up in here that like to talk back?" WHAT?!?

When I first heard it, I hated it. But then, I listened to it a second time. And that pulsating A Mili like beat got me. And it was over. I LOVE the way the bass pulsates in the background with that kick drum... AH! I turn it up really loud in my car and just ride. I'm so ashamed.

2. Heartless- Kanye West

"How could you be so Dr. Evil? You're bringing out a side of me that I don't know." I LOVE IT! Once again, its the beat. It's the drums and then the melody on top of the drums.... man o man. I have to listen to it at least once a day. I think the video is pretty hot too. Kanye is a really creative guy. I want to know how they made that video. What type of animation is that? I need to go do some research. Research=Wikipdeia. =)

3. Wanderland (album)- Kelis

I've always been a fan of Kelis. I first heard of her my junior year of high school. Jason put me on her. I immediately went and bought her first album and was hooked. I have loved her and the Neptunes ever since.

I guarantee that NONE of you have ever heard of this album. Wonderland was not released in the US. But I got my hands on it. It's the Neptunes at their finest. Kelis sings over classic Chad and Pharrell beats. Pharrell is heard throughout the album along with Clipse before they even had a hit. I love the music. It's mellow, melodic, and far out there.

I need to do a list of my guilty pleasures. I'll leave it at that for now. I'm going to go put my Wanderland album on my computer here at work so that I don't have to keep bringing the CD in. =)

The Best Things in Life Aren't Free

I had an epiphany.

I am where I'm supposed to be. Every single event that has taken place in my life led to this point. I'm alive. I have family. I have only an extreme few people that I really call a friend because people up here are crazy wonderful friends. I have a job. I have a car. I have a roof over my head. I have clothes to wear. I enjoy the use of all of my limbs and senses. I have a God who loves me more than anyone has or ever will love me.

I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

I believe that from this moment- right here, right now- I am going to begin to truly walk into the plan that God has for me. God said that He knows the plans that He has for me. They are good plans, not evil. (Jeremiah 29:11)

You know what's funny though? Things aren't easy right now. I am dealing with things. Money isn't where I would like it to be. I can't do all of the things that I want to do. My relationships with different people are teetering on being non-existent, mind you I was once extremely close to some of these people. Things are a bit haywire at the moment.

But I know that I have the victory. It has been promised to me. So all I have to do is go through TRUSTING and BELIEVING God's promise to me.

If God came to you and showed you who you were to be and all of the grand things that you would do, would you tell Him, "I'm good. Don't worry about it." Of course not. You'd jump right on that and believe it. "I receive it!" But what would you do if after you accepted that, He showed you all of the trials that you must go through to get to the victory?

Anything worth having is going to take time. It's going to take perseverance. It's going to take trust and faith in God. My being is in Christ. I believe that all things good for my life is in Him. So, I'm ready and willing to get in the seat, strap on my seat belt, and go for this ride. It's like riding a roller coaster. You know that the ride is about to be something crazy, but in the end, the twists and turns stop. The sudden drops and surprises cease. And you have peace.

You just have to simply trust Him.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Today God has blessed me with another day, another year, another chance to get it right. And for that, I'm truly thankful. =)

Hallelujah and happy birthday to me!!!!

Re: Nappy..Curly.. WHATEVER!

So, yesterday I told my 2.5 cents about the obsession with having Kelis-like, curly hair when your hair simply don't. Yeah. I like that: It just don't! And as I stated, I'm all for twist-outs and creating cute styles, but when you get obsessed with trying to have something that you don't, then the problem arises.

My beautiful friend- I'ma ask her if I can post a pic- had this reply:

I read your blog about us naturals at church. I totally agree that we as naturals should be comfortable with our own hair texture the way it is. When I first went natural, I got the feeling that people felt that only curly natural hair was beautiful, but I never got sucked into that ideal. I totally and absolutely love my hair exactly how it is, if I didn't I would never rock my fro :) However, at times I like manipulating it with different products to produce a different look. Twist outs with cantu give me a nice wave, twist outs with cantu and coconut oil give me a very moisturized wave, perm rods with cantu give me curly fro, and the curl activator gel that I recently bought gives me a very moisturized curl. Right now I am just doing a lot of experimenting to see how different hairstyles look on me. My absolute favorite: twist outs.

So, I am one of those people that you are talking about, heck no! I love my hair and I wouldn't trade it for the world. The fro that I have now ain't got nothing on the fro that I will be rocking a year from now :)

Yesterday my sis and I were looking at this picture of my aunt from the 70's and she had a huge afro. I asked my sis if she thought that I was going through a natural hair phase. She was like "I don't know." Anyways, I don't think it is. Relaxers broke my hair off and thinned my edges out. Why would I subject myself to that again? I want healthy hair and being natural is the best way for me to achieve that. In addition, for the past 27 years of my life I was taught that straight hair is beautiful. Therefore, I want to be a poster child for natural hair. I want black girls and black women to look at my hair and realize that natural hair can be beautiful too.

OMG...this e-mail is sooo long. LOL. Anyways, enjoy the rest of your work day and I'll see you tomorrow birthday girl. Welcome to the late 20's...LOL


Isn't that awesome? =) Big smiles! Oh yeah, tomorrow is my b-day. Wish me lots of birthday happiness!!!

Nappy... Curly....WHATEVER!!

The latest craze these days seems to be black women embracing their own hair. We're ditching the relaxers, blow dryers, and pressing combs for afros, twist outs, and wash n gos. All of that is great. It's spectacular! But I have a huge problem.

We're going natural and still not embracing our own self.

What's the point of "going natural" if all you're going to do is obsess over trying to get something that you don't have? If your hair isn't curly, chances are, it's not going to ever be. If you hair isn't thick and doesn't give you that big chunky fro look, chances are, it will never be.

I'm all for styling. Sometimes you do want more curl definition- meaning that you want to rock your hair this way for a style. But becoming obsessed with getting your hair to curl urks the crap out of me.

I have a tight nit circle of friends at my church and all of us are either natural or transitioning. It's a beautiful thing. But lately, I've found that there is this obsession with having curly hair. And I really want to yell: "YOUR HAIR IS NOT CURLY!!" Wetting your hair and then putting all of this product on it just to give yourself the allusion that its curly is pretty pitiful to me.

To me, that tells me that 1. you don't like what you have, 2. you think there is something wrong with hair that doesn't turn into beautiful ringlets when its wet and dries, and 3. you are going around selling false hopes to all of the other people that you give advice to.

I just feel that if you have to go through this long hoop-la process to get your hair to hold a curl, then it wasn't meant to do it. So rock what you got and keep it moving.

One of my friends doesn't have curly hair. She has beautiful soft, almost cotton like hair with little curl definition. But the other friend who is curl obsessed keeps feeding her these stories about what products will "bring out the curl". NO! How about you tell her how to keep the hair that she has healthy so that she can grow out her own beautiful hair just the way that it is.

I walked up to another female in the church who was natural and asked her what she had done differently to her hair. She said, "My mom put a texturizer in it last night." Of course I asked her why and she replied, "I wanted to loosen my curl."

I was engaged in another conversation and I AGAIN heard, "I want to loosen my texture."

Now, don't get me wrong. Do you. If you aren't happy with what you got, then by all means, do you. But that doesn't mean that I agree with it. And I don't.

Even in our "natural" state, we still can not accept ourselves for who we are.

When will the cycle end?

My Life

It's one of those days....

I'm upset. I'm confused. I'm afraid. And on top of all that, I called my grandmother and she is sick. sigh....

Please keep her in prayer.

-FC

My Hair is Mad!

My hair is super mad at me. It is dry and it's starting to get those pesky little knots at the ends. I've been wearing my hair back in a puff all winter long. I've been so lazy. And it is screaming bloody murder. So, I decided to lay off the hair for awhile. I put it in a protective style. Protective meaning little manipulation, away from the elements, and moisturized. I really want my hair to continue to grow. My goal is to have shoulder length hair by this summer. And I know I can do it if I get back on track. My hair has grown far beyond my expectations already. So, with some extra TLC, I'll see if I can nurture a few more inches out of it.

Tuesday night, I wasn't feeling very well. So, I didn't go to church (we had a Homegoing service for one of our members). I don't want to put my business out like that, but I had to stay home!! So, while I was sitting around, I decided to deep condition my hair. I washed it and conditioned it. I then mixed EVOO, honey, Jojoba oil, and Carrot oil together. I popped it in the microwave and slapped it on my hair in sections. I then covered with a plastic cap. I usually get under the hair dryer, but I decided to talk with my roomie instead. After I washed it out, my hair felt uber soft and my curls were so pretty. =) I then decided to flat twist it back. I want to do box braids, but I just don't think that is the best look for me. Anywho, this is the end result. I'ma see how long I can make this flat twist routine last.

Lie To Me, But Please Don't Leave

I have a love affair with music. I am no respecter of genre. If it's something I can feel, then I'll listen to it. Luckily in my almost 26 25 years of living, I've been exposed to different cultures and a mixture of different people that have given me an ample dosage of all types of music. One of my favorite songs is "Strong Enough" by Sheryl Crow. That song... I just feel it all down on the inside. And I love it so much because it describes me to a T.

Are you strong enough to be my man? Yes, there are things that we must change about ourselves to help the relationship. But there are also things about me that make me the fullcomplexity that I am.

And it begs the question,

"Are you strong enough to be my man?"

God, i feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage i cannot fight
I'd be the
last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Nothing's true and nothing's right
So let me be alone tonight
Cause you can't change the way i am
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise i'll believe
Lie to me
But please don't
leave

I have a face i cannot show
I make the rules up as i go
It's try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?

When i've shown you that i just don't care
When i'm throwing punches
in the air
When i'm broken down and i can't stand
Will you be man enough
to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise i'll believe
Lie to me
But
please don't leave

Hung-Over...Not Really

Something extremely weird is going on.

At this very moment, I am feeling something that I haven't felt in a long time: the physical side effects of being extremely drunk. Now, here comes the weird part:

I haven't had a drink in ages.

In college, my friends and I were the girls that you shook your head at. We were the chicks dancing on tables, swinging from anything remotely close to a pole, being holstered on the shoulders of random dudes when crunk Lil Jon songs came on, and drinking ourselves into an inebriated bliss. Whenever I partied that hard, I most likely ended up regurgitating all of the food and drink that I obnoxiously consumed. As a result, for the next couple of days, my insides felt like crap. I couldn't laugh hard, run, or do anything that caused the muscles in my mid- section to work.

I got sick a few days ago. I'm not sure if its the new vitamins I'm taking, the McDonald's I had on Sunday, or the dinner my beau cooked. But my body rejected whatever it was. And now, I feel horrible! I called my friend this morning because a gospel song that was playing on the radio reminded me of tarrying. LOL... don't ask questions. And we laughed at the memory of me tarrying- which was utter torture for me then- because I was not ready for no Holy Ghost power. And that's probably why the Lord didn't see fit to give it to me until about two years ago. But anywho, as we laughed, I felt that familiar pain in my insides. UGH..... I've been drinking water and eating toast and rice.

Hopefully this feeling will go away. Soon.

10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1

Got this from Ms. Muze. Do it too and enjoy~

10 things you wish you could say to 10 different people:

- I'm just not feeling this.
- I want what you have. I don't think you realize how blessed you truly are.
- The answer is no. But I'll never admit that to you.
- It was me. I started all of the mayhem with that "mysterious" email in high school.
- Those wigs are the worst. Please stop wearing them.
- I think you're immature and have serious issues.
- I don't want to hang out.
- Who is this and why are you calling back to back?
- Soul mate might be the right word.
- I faked it. A lot.


9 things about yourself:

- I don't know how to come out and say what I want to say when I know it's going to potentially hurt the other persons involved.
- I love love and want to be in love.
- I have low tolerance for attention seeking individuals.
- I don't trust easily and I'm always watching and observing. My friends called me detective inspector.
- My stomach hurts when I get really upset.
- I can be manipulative- which usually ends up back firing.
- I played the piano and danced ballet.
- I can't see past my hand without my contacts/glasses.
- I want a family.


8 ways to win your heart:

- Love God more than me.
- Make me feel special, show me plenty of affection
- Know how to express yourself
- Have direction in your life
- Think outside the box. I'm an eclectic type chick.
- Laugh at stupid things and not be afraid of being goofy.
- Be real.
- Freaking try.


7 things that cross your mind often:

- what 2009 will bring.
- why i never seem to get what i want.
- why doesn't this feel right?
- what else can i write?
- how can i change what i don't like?
- i need to go to the doctor.
- is this it?


6 things you do before you go to sleep:

- wash my face
-wrap my hair
-talk to my roomie
-think about all the things i should've said but didn't
- talk on the phone/text
- talk to God


5 people you couldn't live without:

- grandma
- Jesus
- a few close friends
- sadly, that's it


4 things you're wearing right now:

- scarf
- black pants
- pink sweater
- black coat


3 songs that fit your life perfectly:

these could change within the next thirty minutes...

- "Far Away From Here" by Kindred the Family
- "If It Makes You Happy" by Sheryl Crow
- "I Just Wanna Be Loved" by Jill Scott (The Real Thing: Track 14)


2 things you want to do before you die:

- experience true love
- the other is too personal... lol...


1 confession:

- i wish you would've left