Photo Op!

I miss my family :(This is my heart. My grandmother. God favors me because he blessed me with the best grandmother anyone could have. Her love, wisdom, discipline, laughter, stories, experience, hugs, tears, and prayers have done more for me than words can describe. There are no words to express how thankful I am for her. I love you grandma!!!

Whip Appeal

So... pics are coming. But I liked this video more....

Mommy and I..... And watch my little sister in the background get it in the beginning... lol

MERRY CHRISTMAS

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Blogging from my brand new Sony Vaio Notebook!! =) Yeah me! This thing is niiiiceee.... Mom and Dad went all out. =)

Okay.. Back to my family. Enjoy the Holidays! Enjoy your family! Thank God for our Lord and Savior!!! Bye!

More to Come

Wow! This test is ALREADY becoming my testimony. This is crazy..... I'll explain later.


I knew that Sunday was a setup for what was about to happen. How can one hear without a preacher? I received that word and it is already manifesting: 

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy

Random + Photo Op!

Random: Looking at this grad school stuff today. Pray for me!!!

Photo Op:

Cause I'm Foxy Cleopatra! And I'm a whole lotta woman!!!

hehe! :p

I Surrender All

Today, God showed me how much He loves me and how much I mean to Him. He gave me my joy back. He gave me my confidence back.

I have a new found reverance for Him. And He reminded me that no matter what happens, no matter who comes and leaves my life, He is still in control and ALL things are working together for my good.

You can talk about me. You can scandalize my name. You can leave me. It's okay because I realize that the ones that walk out were never meant to be there.

What I'm realizing is that I learn from all situations. And God gets the Glory for it all. And the things that I learn simply set me up to be able to handle the blessing that God has for me.

I almost lost sight of the beautiful, intellingent, funny, eclectic woman that God had made me. In no way am I perfect. I am still learning and growing everyday. And I thank God that He will never leave me. And I thank God that He is not like man, including myself.

Today opened my eyes about a lot of things. And I'm going to give it all over to God because He knows what's best. And I'm not going to fight His will anymore.

This is my white flag. I surrender, Lord. I don't want this anymore.

Kill Joy

"misery loves company"

All I ask

Last night as I was laying in bed, I had an epiphany. Or maybe it was this morning… I realized that I have an issue with not being first. I don’t mean, “first” as in winning or being the best dressed or being the top performer. I mean being first in the lives of people that I put first.

I think back to the major issues that I have had in past relationships and the bottom line in all of them was that I was never put first. I’ve always played second fiddle to someone or something. The only time that I felt like I was number one in my significant other’s life was in high school. Crazy, huh? He and I were each other’s best friends. It was literally just me and him. Yes, he had child hood friends. He had female friends and male friends that he had for nearly 10 years. But when him and I got together, it was him and I.

I miss that.

Let me break it down a little further. When it came down to spending time with me or spending time with the frat, the frat was always chosen. When it came down to hurting the feelings of the random chick that liked my man or hurting my feelings, my feelings were hurt. And then, after he was caught, he wanted to care about me. When it came down to my man expressing himself and being vulnerable with me versus being vulnerable with his ex, he chose her. What about me? Who are you in the relationship with?

I had a conversation with my ex, and he stated that he felt like I always compared him to my friend’s relationship. They are the light in one another’s eyes. Their relationship is all about the other person. She doesn’t have to worry about ex’s. She doesn’t have to worry about random female friends calling the phone. She doesn’t have to worry about him having a hard time letting go of the past. He has never given her a reason to worry or doubt. She has always been number one in his eyes. When they became serious, he didn’t see anyone but her.

No, I’m not in their relationship. No, I don’t know him the way that my friend knows him. But from just being around him, I can see that she is his everything. He isn’t concerned about the crowd. He isn’t concerned about pleasing the masses. He could care less. It’s just him and his woman.

I want that.

And it’s not that I was comparing our relationship to theirs or measuring my ex up to my friend’s fiancé. It was me seeing something that I want. It’s me seeing something that I’ve had. We all are entitled to our feelings. And we all have a right to expect certain things in a relationship. And that is something that I want and expect.

Why would I want to marry someone who is much more concerned with people who are not in our relationship? And why would I want to give you my all if you can’t even see past all of that?

Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to be locked away from the rest of the world. I have a life. I have friends that I love. I have a family that I love. But the bond that I want to share with my significant other will be one that is undeniable to myself and anyone who encounters us. There will be a respect that he has for me. He will know and understand boundaries. He will care about my feelings in all situations. He will know how to be my man.

Am I asking for too much?

photo op!

random... i just like this pic...

stay tuned...

word vomit coming really soon....

" sometimes the words run out of my mouth before I get a chance to catch them"

Just Get Back Up When it Knocks You Down

"Giants do die. The bigger they are, the harder they fall. Giants they Die. Just walk around the Jericho wall. Now I come in Your name and I stand on Your Word. What is loosed in the Heavens will be loosed on earth. Let God arise, giants fall."

SO.... I'm so digging (yes, I used that word) the Lord right now. It's crazy. I had some darts thrown at me this weekend. These were huge, cannon ball sized darts. I was knocked down. But I didn't stay down. And I thank God because my weekend could've easily gone a different route.

Yes, I cried. Yep, I even let out a scream. And at church on Sunday, I couldn't stop crying. Rivers flowed from my eyes. At our 9am service, the scripture for the sermon was barely read all the way through before tears started streaming down my face. I really think my spirit was weeping. Is that possible?

Sometimes I wonder about myself. There are times when I worship the Lord and I feel absolutely nothing; there are no tears, no emotional outbursts. And then there are times when I just cry. But I know for a fact that my worship on Sunday was more of, "I don't understand. This hurts like crazy. But I'll trust you." I think that's why I cried the way I did.

I was knocked down hard on Saturday. But I'm up again. The fight continues on. To God be ALL of the glory.

I Need More/ The Shack

I'm reading "The Shack". If you haven't heard about it, either you're living under a rock or maybe you just don't care for books, especially ones about God. This book has completely and utterly given me a new view on my God. The book is a page turner. I can't put it down! It knocks all of the religious stereotypes right out the window. But at the same time, it makes you want more. I'm so thirsty for a real relationship with the Lord. It's unreal.

That's my focus right now. The way one goes about spending time with their significant other is what I'm doing with God. It's harder though because I can't see Him or touch Him.

What God wants is relationship. That's why Jesus died. Not only did He pay the ultimate price for our sins, but through his death and resurrection, we were reconnected to God again. God loves us very much and He wants the best for us. The only way that we can truly know and understand His will for our lives is via relationship.

What does a relationship entail?
Communication- We need to pray. Talk to God. It's realy simple. You don't have to pray like the senior deacons in your church. Just talk to Him.
Understanding- We have to read the Word in order to really get to know Him and understand him.
Time- How can we cultivate a relationship without investing time? Make time out for God, just like you do in your natural relationships.
Trust- As you grow and learn more about Him, you will begin to trust Him more. Trust and believe the promises that He has for your life.
Reciprocity- We want God to shower us with all of these gifts and blessings. But what do you give Him? Praise Him! Worship Him! When praises go up, blessings come down. ;)

"It's a new season, it's a new day. A fresh anointing is coming my way. It's a season of power and prosperity. It's a new season, coming to me."

Grab a hold of my coat tail! Because I'm going all the way! =)

Round 3

I've been fighting many a battle. This is really probably more like round 345. But for the sake of simplicity, and my blog, we're gonna call it round 3. (Round 2)

Ephesians 6: 12
"for we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places"

Jeremiah 29:11
"for I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope"

I'm stronger. I'm wiser. I'm better. Yeah, Marvin Sapp was pretty much on point when he said that. He obviously went through something. And he realized those things. And now, so have I.

I'm on a higher ground. I have the mind of Christ. And old things have passed away. And I have FAITH enough and sense enough to know what the Lord has for me.

So, bring it on!

I'm ready.

Still Here

Wow. I've become a stranger to my own blog. I think it's time to start writing again...... Geez- it's going on two months!

Praise Break!

Don't have time to write what I want to write! But I just had to give glory to God real quick! He is truly awesome! He keeps on blessing me. He is faithful, full of mercy and grace. And He is sooo worthy to be praised. He is my best friend. He is my redeemer. He is my provider. He is my father. He is my healer! I LOVE HIM!!!

Praise the Lord today. And thank Him for His goodness.
My reasonable response is that I will praise you!

"I live to praise. I praise to live!"

My latter will be greater...

Rambling

This is a random post that you will not understand. So, don't even try to.


Last night I had a dream. In the dream, I got a phone call from someone from my past. I missed the phone call. When I went to call this person back, my phone died. So, I borrowed the phone from a friend of mine who happened to be visiting me from Texas. So, I called the person from my past and someone else answers the phone. The someone else is extremely rude to me. Then, the someone else gives the phone to the person from my past. What do we do? We argue. Go figure.

"The LORD is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

Just a Thought

Insanity: Doing things the same way and expecting different results

Not by My Power

I see God's undeniable presence in my life. I see Him working. It's crazy (in a good way). It's really kind of freaky actually. When I think about it, I become a ball of gratefulness because I've done nothing to deserve it and I most definitely do not understand it. But I'm pressing on throughout the confusion and thanking Him in the process. I see the open door, I just don't know what's through it. Testimony on the way. Stay tuned....

In the meantime, enjoy my favorite song at the moment: "Already Here" by Brian C. Wilson. Jacks me up every time.

Already Here

Favorite.....

We watch and we wait Lord we anticipate…the moment, you choose to appear.

We worship we praise until there’s no debate, and we recognize you're already here.

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hal-le-lu-jah

Hallelujah… you're already here. Hallelujah…you're already here.

Oh God.

We watch and we wait Lord we anticipate…the moment, you choose to appear.

We worship we praise until there’s no debate, and we recognize you're already here.

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hal-le-lu-jah

Hallelujah… you're already here. Hallelujah…you're already here.

Oh God.

Hallelujah… Hallelujah

You’re here

The balm for my wounded soul you’re here, God, because you choose to make us whole.

Pause for the Cause

1. The first thing that made me laugh this morning: "I know we facing a recession; but the music yall makin gonna make it the great depression". I was channel surfing in the car this morning and listened to "Death of Autotune" for the first time ever. LOL! That was great.....

2. I FINALLY have goals. I know.... I know... How am I 26 years of age and just setting goals? I dunno. Call it me growing up? Call it me tired of just merely living. Let's just say that in 6 months I will be on my way to "having my own."

3. I finally cried. No really. I sobbed, like a baby. I felt crazy. And then it wouldn't stop. And don't you hate it when you're trying to put on a happy face and then folks say, "what's wrong?" and then the tears just start flowing? Luckily, my friends know me. And they understand that if I don't want to talk about it, I'm not going to talk about it. I'll come around eventually.

4. 4 words: "LORD MAKE ME OVER"
Enough said.

5. Happy Monday! Have a great week! Look for God in even the small things. He wants to be where you are.

Directionally Challenged

Directionally Challenged

The Weekly Walk

'Why have we fasted, and you see it not? Why have we humbled ourselves, and you take no knowledge of it?' Behold, in the day of your fast you seek your own pleasure, and oppress all your workers. Behold, you fast only to quarrel and to fight and to hit with a wicked fist. Isaiah 58:3-4

Sometimes Christians are directionally challenged. They focus either on their horizontal or their vertical relationships, not connecting on how these relate to each other. Maybe you have some horizontal stuff (with people) that you need to deal with before you can get the vertical thing with God right. Isaiah 58:3-4 says, "Behold, you fast" (you seek God in a worshipful way) "for contention and strife and to strike with a wicked fist." In other words, you fight and fume with people all week and then you come to worship. Instead of leaving church determined to get right with people and be an instrument of reconciliation in this world, you walk out and before you get 100 yards, you pound the steering wheel over a traffic jam in the parking lot. You fuss at the kids all of the way home. In the middle of all of that, you try to fold in some genuine, personal relationship with God. God is like, "You're kidding, right? You want Me to be part of that?" God doesn't meet with us when our lives are filled with strife.

God has taught me the hard way that you can't have the vertical thing right with Him if you haven't at least done your part to make the horizontal relationships right. Romans 12:18 says, "As much as it is possible, as much as it lies within you, be at peace with all men."

Jesus said in Matthew 5:23 that if you come to worship God and, while you're at the altar, you remember that you have a problem with somebody, you should leave your sacrifice and go make the relationship right. Just get up and walk out and get on the phone or write the letter or get in your car and get over to that house and humble yourself before that person and say, "I'm just so sorry for what's happened. Please forgive me." Or "I want to tell you that I forgive you." "As much as it lies within you, be at peace with all men."

Sometimes you can't control it. I've learned that, too. But if you haven't done your best to be right with people, don't come and expect to be right with God. God doesn't involve Himself in that kind of worship.

This is taken from James MacDonald's book, "Gripped by the Greatness of God"
Check him out here: Walk in The Word

Working on Me

Quote of the day:

"but you have to understand you before you can understand anyone else..."

Just a Thought

It's Friday! This has been a long, emotional week for me. I'm glad it's over! I'm thankful for God's mercy and His unconditional love. If I treated a human being the way that I treated God, he/she would be outta here!! I doubt God, question Him over and over and over again after He's already given me an answer (doesn't that annoy you when people do that?). I cry, I scream, I disobey and do my own thing. But still He loves me. That doesn't mean that He doesn't chasten. He chastens the ones he loves. I thought about that regarding my relationship. Were we being punished because we did what we wanted to do despite what God was telling us to do?

Anywho.....

Have a wonderful weekend!

God bless!

Photo Op!

I want one!

Revolutionary Road

Last night I watched a movie that I had forgotten that I wanted to see. Revolutionary Road. Wow. The movie had me in tears. The movie isn't a tear jerker. It's actually quite hilarious at certain moments. (But I have a very weird, eclectic, unusual sense of humor.) The movie did, however, bring out emotions in me that I thought I had dealt with. And I really did sob a little- just a little.


The movie is about a married couple who struggles behind closed doors with their personal demons.

That last line...... hmmm.....

Tell Me Bout Myself

Don't ever let your mind or the enemy trick you into thinking that you don't have enough time. We all make time for what we want to make time for. =)

I came home and started cleaning out my car. I came across my schedule for New Members Ministry and saw that I have to work tonight. I thank God for that because I would not have gone tonight!

So, of course I was like, "aww man!" because I had other plans. So, I continued to clean out my car then went inside. I'm being better with my money, so I decided to cook. I was thinking, "I'm not going to have time to do anything before church tonight." But I cooked, took out my roommates dog, studied the Word, and now I'm blogging!

There is always time.

God has been showing me things about myself. Some good and some bad. :/ But all in all, I'm grateful for it because I used to complain and ask God, "why don't you speak to me??" But He does. Via his Word, my Bishop, and His Holy Spirit.

Today God led me to 1 John. It was about love.

I went to D.C. this past Sunday and walked around with a friend. A homeless guy- I guess he was homeless- came up to us and said, "excuse me sir or mam, can you please buy me some food?" And it was so rehearsed. It sounded like he had been saying it all day. We had our take out from this Chinese restaurant that we went to in ChinaTown. I didn't even think to give him my food. But my friend did. So, I said, I hope that was your food and not mine. The response was, "we can always get food." And I felt bad. I wasn't trying to be ugly.... it just came out that way.

So today, when I was reading, I read, "But whoever has this world's goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him?" And immediately that incident came to my mind.

The Word really is sharper than any two edged sword. It will tell you about yourself. But its up to you to repent and change.

As my friend Jen says, "don't judge me!"

That's my testimony. I'm not perfect!!! But I'm working on it! See the post below!

I have to get on the road now.

Be blessed!

Thought For You

Christians aren't perfect people. They're changed people.

I'm blogging from my phone. So excuse the mistakes and anything that doesn't make sense.

I have a few things on my mind that I wanna share.

1. Today my Bishop preached three sermons and in every single one my rhema word was: "trust God, even though it makes no sense to you." that was confirmation for me because God told me to do something that to me, is completely backwards and will not do anything to help the situation. But alas, I shall be obedient, shut my mouth, and do what He said. (insert pout face)

2. I need to take this to the altar. I have a hard time giving people my time after they vehemently deny it. But when they're ready to come around, I'm supposed to jump? I don't operate like that. I keep saying that I'm gonna pray for God to soften my heart...

3. I love Deitrick Haddon's new CD. Its like Bobby Valentino for Jesus! =)

4. My new thing: getting super cute and walking around our nation's capital on a sunny afternoon. Only downfall is all the dude's that try to holla. Ugh! Kick rocks! My name is Rachel when I go to D.C. Hehe...

5. I love me and I think I'm extremely fly. Don't hate because I love all that God has created me to be. You should love yourself too.

6. Don't put your trust in man. Its a let down evertime. Expect it. Then you won't be so surprised. I wasn't...

That's my randomness for now. Goodnight!

Jesus

Jesus,

I need you more than the air that I breathe. You are the air that I breathe. You are so many things to me wrapped up in one. You are a helping hand when no one else has anything to give. You are a shoulder to cry on when the world is too busy. You are my counselor when friends give me 30 different viewpoints. You are my peace when life becomes hectic. You are my healer. You are my help. You are my father. You are my friend. You are my comfort. You are my deliverer.

I don’t always understand the things that you tell me to do. I don’t understand your ways. But I know that your way is perfect. Help me to walk. Help me to stand in the midst of my situations. Help me to walk in the deliverance that you’ve given me. The door is wide open. All I have to do is trust you, put one foot in front of the other, and walk.

Trust.

That is the hardest thing to do at times; especially when I’ve done things on my own for so long. I have leaned unto my own understanding. I have operated out of my own feelings. I’ve done what I wanted to do. Listening to you, believing you, and trusting that you won’t lead me into harm is hard for me. I want to do it. But, you know, Lord: the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

So, when I have my temper tantrums, when I’m crying because I don’t understand, when I’m hurt by what my eyes perceive, remind me that your way is perfect and that I can rest in your righteousness. Remind me that I can rest in your presence. Remind me that you are all that I need. Remind me that you know me better than I know myself. Your way is right. And all Glory and Honor will be Yours.

I love you. J-E-S-U-S

Lovingly, adoringly, in worship,

-fullcomplexity

Obedience

OMG I WANNA BLOG SOOOO BAD!!! LOLOL!!!! AAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!! But I can't and I won't!!!!!

Not until I figure out what my true motives are for posting it......

So instead I'll just kiss those thoughts goodbye! hehe... i just wanted to post this pic. Me likey.

Let Go

Aight Lord, you're in control. =)

Wise Counsel

"A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels" Proverbs 1:5

Thank God for wise counsel. I'd be looking real foolish right about now.

You Can Do It Too pt2....

You Can Do It Too....

Random Goofiness

So, I'm in such a great mood. Driving home tonight, I realized that I am so happy with my life. I have my friends. I have my girls again! And its such a wonderful feeling. Having life back to normal- the way it was exactly a year ago today- is awesome.

OMG! If one more person comments on my extra package.... a guy in church hugged me tonight and then he said something about being thick. And then he squeezed my side!! AAHHH!!! Okay.... it wasn't just any guy. It was my big bro. But really??? And then, a fellow choir member looked at me and said, "you look real greedy." I was like, "is it that obvious?" she goes,"you have a small frame. So any weight that you put on is going to be noticeable." Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with me. But like I told my roommate, I didn't think that I would not fit my clothes anymore. I wanted to be able to gain weight and still wear my clothes! ha! I'm goofy...

Speaking of being goofy......... Last night I was burning candles to relax me. So, before bed, I went to blow the flame out. It wouldn't go out, so what does my goofy tail do? I tried to put it out with my index finger and my thumb. I've seen it done on TV shows, so why wouldn't it work for me? WRONG! I burned the CRAP outta my finger!!! LOL!!! All I could do was laugh at my goofy behind....

Hmm.... I love my job. It's super busy, but I'm learning so much. And I'm so grateful for it. All glory to God.

That's about it.

Be blessed!

The Night Time is the Right Time....

I love the Cosby Show and I love Ray. Great combo....

Traces of You

I was sitting at the computer catching up on some things yesterday. I usually have music playing while I’m getting myself situated. And I play my same old favorite albums over and over again. I LOVE Joann Rosario. “Traces of You” happened to be playing. I’ve listened to that song a thousand times. But what I got from it yesterday- I had never received before.

My interpretation of the song was that sometimes things will come up in our lives that we have no control over. And even though we’re supposed to pray about it and let it go, sometimes we fret because it’s a situation that we’ve never dealt with before. That’s what I took from, “Now I don’t like to pray and worry but this situation is new". However, there is a verse in there that didn’t quite make sense in my mind. It didn’t really fit with my interpretation of the song. When she sings, “Lord I know better. Use me whenever, but I must see traces of you. Here what I say. Lord, I believe You. I know You gone come through. But I must see traces of You.”

I would think to myself, why is she saying, “Lord, I know better. Use me whenever, but I must see traces of You”??? Well, because of the past three months, I know what it means now.

See, this life is not about us. I hate to burst your bubble, but it’s the truth. Yes, there are trials and situations that are beyond our control. And yes, we are supposed to learn, grow, and mature from these storms. But what God has shown me in these last three months is that we go through for others. Our tests become our testimonies. Our misery becomes our ministry.

I have an extremely close confidant. She is one of my best friends. She is one of the few people I can go to when I have my mini melt downs and shouting matches within the spirit realm. And EVERYTHING that I go to her about, she went through. And it dawned on her that she went through all of her mess for me. I’m telling yall, every single trial, every single struggle in my mind, me losing my job, my relationship issues; she went through ALL of it. And now, because she got through it, she is able to minister to me and speak life into me.

I know that I have ministry in me. And I know that these storms are not only to make me stronger, but to encourage someone else. It’s to be a light in the midst of darkness. It’s to be a shoulder to cry on. It’s to be a witness to the awesome and unfathomable unconditional love of God.

Look at Jesus. Jesus didn’t go through just to go through. He didn’t get mistreated, lied on, beat, betrayed, abused, ostracized, and killed just to do it. He went through that “storm” for you and me.

Do you get it? It’s not about you. And I truly believe that once you submit your will to God and realize that, you won’t fear the storms. Know that with God by your side, you’re going to get through it. You really will come out pure as gold, much better than you were before.

Now, when I sing, “Lord, I know better, use me whenever, but I must see traces of You”, I truly understand it and mean it. I know better than to fret and become upset. I know that this storm is about more than just me. There is a bigger piece. But I want you to use me. I want to do Your will. So, use me whenever. But please, allow me to see traces of You during the storm.

Isn’t God good? He loves you. And so do I!! =) Have a blessed weekend.

Traces

OMG! Just had a revelation... Traces of you... This is a reminder to myself to come back and share.... gotta run now! More tonight...

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!

I GOT IT!!! HALLELUJAH!!!!!

I am OFFICIALLY A FULL TIME PERMANENT EMPLOYEE for NHQ for TSA!!!! THANK YOU JESUS!!

DETAILS LATER.... DON'T HAVE MY PHONE TO TEXT EVERYONE. SO I'M POSTING IT HERE!!

AAHHH!!!! NO more Vicky's Secret EVERY NIGHT!!! AHHHHH!!!!!

Gigi! You gonna shout with me tomorrow night?? lol! I already did it in my office, but there is a whole lot more where that came from!!!

Oh yeah! And didn't I say God was going to do a work in me in 30 days? (click here) Today is EXACTLY 30 days.... Isn't that Dude awesome???!!

No Looking Back... Flesh vs. Spirit

Can I talk about how God loves me? No, seriously. I know this is like every other post, but OMG!

So, tonight was Bible Teaching. Good word. Bishop talked about how to have a true experience with God. Well, I've already had plenty. Jesus knows my name. And I definitely know His. I've called on it more than I ever have in my entire life during 2009. And here is another experience that I had:

So, in church, my roommate tells me she's hungry. I concur. So, we decide to go to our favorite spot: Denny's. Well, the one in Alexandria is our fav because it's new. I didn't feel like driving all the way to that one because it's past my house. So, we went to the one near the church- in the hood. OMG!

When we pulled up, I looked at my roommate and told her that it was going to be an interesting experience. And I ain't never lied! The orders were wrong, my cappuccino tasted like hot chocolate, a grown woman was running around excited about the games in Denny's, and then some homeless looking dude walks in with a lot of bags, crutches, and sheets wrapped around him.

Needless to say, we get our food in to-go boxes and leave. On the way home, I drove quietly, dealing with the brand new thoughts that had been bothering me. I've been good. Really good. But today, for some reason, these feelings were trying to overtake me. And the Word says that we have to take those thoughts captive.

So, I have this random outburst. lol! And my roommate goes, "you wanna elaborate?" And I just spilled it all out. Mind you, I'm screaming at the Devil to leave me alone in the process. (She knows me and is used to me, so I can be me in front of her.) And that's what I do. I just let loose. Afterwards I felt better. Now, I've been listening to nothing but Gospel- whether it be traditional, R&B, Rock, or hip-hop. But it's all Gospel. Tonight, I popped in a mixed CD and listened to "So Beautiful" by Musiq. I knew immediately that I was playing with fire. So, in the midst of my rampage and venting, I decided to take the CD out because I know the effect that music has on me and I know that it's a spirit.

Tell me why as soon as I took that CD out and turned to 104.1 (our gospel station) "No Turning Back" by Damita Haddon began to play. I knew IMMEDIATELY that it was God. He loves me sooo much. And He speaks to me via ways that I can understand. I had just got through telling my roommate about how my flesh was fighting my spirit and how I was fighting internally to keep looking forward and not dwell on the past. And then that song comes on. That is nothing but God. And then after that, "What God Has For Me" came on. If you know the songs, then you'd understand why this is such a big deal to me.

God told me tonight, "Don't look back. Don't turn back. It may get hard at times, but know that I'm here. You made a decision to give me your life. So keep on trucking forward." And then he told me that, "what I have for you is for YOU and YOU ONLY."

I love Him so much. He just loves me and cares for me in a way that no one else does or ever will. I was talking to my other friend on the phone today and I told her that the problem that our generation has is that we're looking for love in all the wrong places. We want to be in love. We want to feel that euphoric feeling; trying to fill a void that only God can fill.

I asked God to fill the void that I was trying to fill via relationships with men. I wasn't happy in my relationships because I expected them to fill a space that was unfillable. Only God can fill it. And now that I've realized that and allowed God to move into that space, I don't desire a man. I don't need a man. I know that when God gets ready to bring him into my life, He will. And he will be an addition to the life that I live; a life that isn't mine. A life that I have given to God to use for His purpose. And my man will help carry out that purpose. We'll do it together, as one in the eyes of God.

Good stuff.

I Was Tagged

I was tagged by UrbanCurlz:

What's your current obsession?
EATING! Someone help me!! It's out of control! I went to bed eating a ice cream Popsicle.

What's your must have fashion need?
My big hair :) and my Dream Angels Bra from Vicky's Secret

What are you wearing right now?
black linen pants, black tank, black cover up

What's your favorite food?
Chinese, Italian

What do you do for fun?
Listen to music, praise God (it really is fun), hang out with friends

What made today special?
I got a lot of good feedback from people in high places today!

What would you like to learn to do?
Speak Spanish fluently

What's the last thing you bought?
Two things of Suave Coconut Conditioner, Aloe Vera Gel, Body Wash, Face Wash, and some sun chips

What are you listening/watching right now?
Kim talking to me

What's your favorite weather?
Summer and Spring

What's your one goal in life?
To get out of all debt!

What do you think of the person that tagged you?
AWESOME!

If you can have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
Somewhere in the south or here in VA

What would you like to have in your hands right now?
Food... lol!

If you can swap lives with anyone in the world for one day who would it be and why?
Beyonce..... WITHOUT A DOUBT!!! OMG!! No explanation needed!

If you can go anywhere in the world for the next hour where would you go?
to my grandma's house

When was the last time you traveled and where to?
Last month- North Carolina

What do you look for in a friend?
I don't look for anything. Thankfully, God just brings the right people into my life.

Who do you want to meet in person?
My husband... he's in the Spirit realm right now

What's your favorite type of music?
Gospel.... On the real! He (God) changed my desires....

What's your dream job?
Doing something that I love

Do you admire anyone's style?
Sure: friends and a few celebs

Describe your personal style?
Man.... me and Kim were just talking about this. I don't know!! It's just me: quirky, casual yet sexy with a dash of "ho"... lol!!!

What's your favorite t.v show?
I haven't turned on the TV in weeks!

What's your favorite ice cream flavor?
oooooh!!! Anything with fudge in it!

What's your favorite makeup brand?
MAC !!! Fo' Sho!!

What's your all time favorite perfume?
Right now it's "Fresh & Clean" by Pink.

What's you fondest childhood memory?
Being at family outings

Rules:
1.)Respond: answer the questions on your blog.
2.)Replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one more question of your own.
3.)Tag eight other people

I'll tag you guys later... I'm tired....

I'm Still Here!

I've been SOOO busy! No time to write a for real post. But one is coming soon! I'm still in love with God- sho' nuff in love with Him. hehe.... (that was supposed to be a play on Al Green's "Still in Love"). Aight.... I have to get some sleep now. Good night!

Praise Break

Just got back from Bible Teaching. Bishop had a great word. But that's not what this post is about. This post is about how God is changing my heart and my desires. I realized tonight that I don't need money. I don't need a man. I don't need the latest clothes or the hottest car. Although those things are fun to have, the only thing in my life that can truly bring me joy is God. And today, especially this afternoon, I just praised God. It all started from pain. I was feeling down and instead of sitting and dwelling, I prayed and praised. And that praise has been non-stop from that moment on. I want more of you God. I need more of you.

Something broke in me. All of my heaviness, bitterness, unhappiness, worry, anxiety.... it all broke. My God is enough. His grace is sufficient. I'm free to pray for those that hurt me. I honestly want to see them do well. I'm free to shout and dance and truly worship the Lord. I'm free. And it's a wonderful feeling.

Whom the son sets free is truly free indeed.

I told yall, 30 days.....

More Abundantly

I'm so excited right now. I hope all of you know that God is really real. Like, seriously. And He loves you. Doors are opening for me, left and right. Listen. Obey. Have faith. Trust. Those are the ingredients for a wonderful relationship with God and an abundant life. That pretty much sums it up. =)

Now it's time for a PHOTO OP!!! hehe....

This is us after church on Easter Sunday. Aren't we fly? ;)

And this is my big bro and my "sis". Everyone thinks we're sisters. But we don't see it.....

Us one late night at Ihop...

Grown and Sexy! =) Watch out there now!


Me and Tanisha in North Carolina

Okay! I'm done!

Be Blessed!

Friday Re-cap

::: Round 2 baby! Click here and you'll understand.

::: "Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Because He lives, all fear is gone. Because I know He holds the future, and life is worth the living just because He lives." Thank you, Jesus for giving up your life for mine- all so that I may have one more abundantly. Because of your sacrifice, I am free from the bondage of sin. I am free from chains and shackles. I am free from my past. I have the victory over all of this crap that has crowded my life. Hallelujah! Thank you so much for loving me just that much. All glory and honor belongs to you, Lord.

::: It's friday. I'm off today because the company that I work for observes Good Friday. I absolutely love it. I'm so thankful for this opportunity. PRAISE BREAK!!! God is opening up doors left and right. Today, like 10 minutes ago, I got a serious issue that was affecting my $$ resolved. It had been going on since February. And now, it's all taken care of! Thanks, Lord!! =)

::: Have I mentioned that I adore this head of hair that God so graciously gave me? My friend rodded it for me earlier in the week. It was cute! But me and rods have never gotten along. My hair is just too soft. And then, it looked like I had a perm. I missed my naps!!! ha! So, I ended up washing it out like two days later. But it was pretty while it lasted. Thanks, G!

::: I love my friends!! I have to give you an excerpt from an email that one of them sent me. You know someone is true when they can tell you about yourself and it's all in love because they want to see you grow:

You look much better now, dress much better now and walk better now too. You seemed to be very weak, loss and easily manipulated while you were with him. It seemed like the things you openly admitted about yourself that you didn't like and the evil ways of your heart and how you treated others all of a sudden became ok when you were with him. It seemed like all of the progress and Christ-like ways that you were eagerly striving towards went out of the window!You can't get so wrapped up that you lose focus of who T is what T is about, the person that T wants to become and the woman of God that God is trying to create you to be!

I didn't feel that you were in a place to listen back when, but I definitely feel that you are in a place to hear and listen now. I've watched you change, grow and develop...and I've been praying for you and I knew that one day you would come around...with credit to no one but GOD! All of your friends could have pulled you to the side and we could have had a big intervention but it would have done NO good...But now, you are ready girl! Ready roll! So rock it out and be T!I love you!

I'm really excited about 09. The first 4 months have been chaotic! But this organized chaos is all in God's plan! And I'm so excited!!!! =)

Judas

I was sitting in church tonight and the message was about letting go of our Judas. And I was thinking that I really hadn't been betrayed. Turns out God was preparing me for what was going to happen immediately after church.

Everything that I knew, everything that God was trying to tell me via my intuition and even my dreams came to fruition. And I tried to pray it all off because of pride and fear of what's next. But I always knew.

And I'm not even mad, sad, or upset. I feel free. Bishop was right. Once you let go of your Judas, God will be glorified. Didn't I tell yall? 30 days.

God is getting rid of all of the junk and people in my life who didn't really care about me. And it's funny because I told him that I wanted to grow with him. But as soon as I released him, all of that weight, all of that heaviness was gone. It was like, "ahhhhh..... freedom"

No more. I'm out of it. And I'm so happy. I'm even happier that now that I've let it go, my blessing is on the way.

Larry told me, "T, that is not your husband! But don't tell B that I said that." And then he said, "He will know without a shadow of a doubt and will love not only you but the God in you." And I so believe that. As a matter of fact, I already knew that. That was just confirmation.

Today was fear. I was afraid to let go so I egged on his messages. I entertained it. But I'm so grateful that tonight happened. Because I don't want to be with a man who has to choose. She can have you. I need someone who is whole and knows who he is also. Seriously, he isn't what I thought he was. So what I thought I wanted was just really a lie. It wasn't reality. The reality turned out to be ugly, selfish, sneaky, and just plain wrong! And I'm glad I got to see the truth. Because I could finally make a sound decision based on THE TRUTH with NO REGRETS.

=) I really feel a shout coming on!!

HALLELUJAH!!!!!

God is so good to me. I don't deserve it.

A Letter to the Devil

Dear Satan,

I will admit, you really had me going. The mind is the battlefield and I've allowed you access to my thoughts for much too long. Those days are over. I'm declaring victory over my mind! Victory over my finances! Victory over my relationships! Victory over my family! Victory over my flesh! Victory over my career! Victory over my calling! Victory over my life!

You see, I know who I am. NDR is a child of the most high God, who is the Great I Am. I'm more than a conqueror. I'm blessed in the city and blessed in the fields. I'm blessed when I come and when I go. I am of a chosen nation. I am of a peculiar people.

Jesus already defeated you. You have no power over my life or anything connected to me. I'm going to come out of this like the phoenix rose from the ashes. I am mounting up with wings as eagles. I will run and not be weary. I will walk and NOT FAINT!

Hallelujah!!!!

Satan, get thee behind me!

You should've gotten me before I realized who I am. There is no room at the inn. I declare victory, healing, and deliverance right now in the name of Jesus.

So poo on you!!! =)

With all sincerity, realness, and conviction,

30 days.... God's going to do a work in me... so be prepared for an awesome testimony....

P.S.- and another thing! I just thought about how I used to run to everyone but the ONLY ONE who can truly help me. Those days are over too! I've got my Daddy behind me, in front of me, and to the left and right of me. So you might as well flee. Because whom the Son sets free is free indeed. And baby, I'm free.

Okay. Now I'm done.

50 Words

1. Beer: college- lots of crazy nights
2. Food: I've gained weight!
3. Relationships: man-o-man
4. Your CRUSH: lol!
5. Power Rangers: I was ALWAYS the yellow one
6. Life: Wanna hear God laugh? Tell Him what your plans are….
7. The President: Sexy
8. Yummy: food
9. Cars: I’d like a new one
10. Movies: I sat and watched movies non-stop today
11. Halloween: I don’t celebrate it
12. Sex: Can’t wait until I get married
13. Religion: That word causes confusion
14. Hate: is so unnecessary
15. Fear: getting over it
16. Marriage: “White Picket Dreams”
17. Blondes: white girls?
18. Slippers: I don’t have any
19. Shoes: I wanna go shopping
20. Asians: yummy food….. that is so wrong, I know.
21. Past time: watching movies
22. One night stand: STDs. Say no to sex with strangers!
23. My cell phone: doesn't ring like it used to
24. Smoke: stinks
25. Fantasy: Mariah Carey's album... that was a fav back in the day
26. College: ROLL TIDE!
27. High school life: immature
28. Pajamas: ex’s t-shirt, that I'm wearing right now. Breaking up is like a divorce. You get to keep his stuff.... lol!
29. Stars: beautiful
30. Center: God
31. Alcohol: OMG! Did my mouth just water????
32. The word love: No one loves me like Jesus does.
33. Friends: tricky, tricky
34. Money- Jesus!!!!
35. Heartache: I’m so over it
36. Time: heals all wounds
37. Divorce: It won't happen to me
38. Dogs: ugh, like having a child
39. Undies: vicky’s secrets! Sexy!
40. Parents: Jesus!
41. Babies: awww thhhhrrrrr!
42. Ex: closed chapter
43. Song: too many came to mind
44. Color: black
45. Weddings: boring
46. Pizza: yum!
47. Hangout: the bridge of wood
48. Rest: I get plenty
49. Goal: having a career that I enjoy so much that it never feels like work
50. Inspiration: is it a problem that no one really inspires me?

White Picket Dreams

So, I've had this song on repeat (via Youtube, mind you) all night. I love it. It's by Solange Knowles. I'm not a huge fan- yet, lol. I say yet because I tend to dislike the artists who end up becoming my favs. Nice song. I like the lyrics. I love the vocals. And the music itself is awesome: harmonious and melodic.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com