So Many Looks Through the Years

I like this one best:

Surgery

I open my eyes and I'm laying on an operating table. The bright white from the lamp blinds me as I try to look around to see where I am. I look to my right and see a man standing in full scrub gear with knife in hand, ready to cut on me.


I immediately tense up and try to run. But something is holding me down.


"This is what you wanted, isn't it?"


Yeah, it's what I wanted. But no one told me it would hurt like this.


"I tried to protect you. I offered you plenty of anesthesia. But every time the opportunity to take it was given, you ignored it. You chose pain instead."


Tears begin to run down my face. I lay there in my puddle of tears realizing that there is no other way to go through this. I've been given plenty of chances. Now, I just have to trust.


"You're going to have pain. But the sufferings that you feel now will not be comparable to the joy that you will have when I'm done with you."


I cry even more. I cry at the fact that my purpose of rejecting the anesthesia was to keep me from this inevitable pain that I'm still going to end up experiencing. There is no need to think back. There is no sense of dwelling. What is done is done.


"Look at Me. Look forward and focus on Me......."


I look up. But things begin to become unclear.... I can't control it. The tears continue to flow. Just before I loose consciousness, I hear the words again,


"Look forward and focus on Me...."


to be continued.......

It's My Time, It's My Turn

I know its so cliche to say that God is up to something.

But seriously. He is up to something.

My Bishop has declared 2010 "The Year to Become". He has spoken some very prophetic words over us. Its up to the people to accept it and receive it. I've done all of the above and then some. It's crazy because well before the new year, I could tell that God was shifting things around. I was slowly starting to lose control.

I didn't realize how much of a control freak I am until about a year and a half ago. I like to be in control of my life. Sure, I'm easy going. I don't plan my days out. I rarely use my daily planner. But when it comes to matters of the heart or things dealing with my emotions, I like to be in control.

When I feel ANY inkling of that control being lost, I freak out. What's funny is that I want God to take over. "Take control of my life!" "Take over, Lord" "Your will be done!" But God can't have His way unless we allow Him to take control.

I have been driving this car for almost 27 years. It's hard handing over the keys, especially when you see a route that you want to take. I saw a journey that I wanted to go on. But instead of allowing God to take the wheel, I have gone around in circles- over and over again. And I'm not just talking about one area. It's been in my finances, career choices, relationships, and my spiritual life.

Deuteronomy 2:2-3: Then we turned and took our journey into the wilderness by the way of the Red sea, as the LORD spake unto me: and we compassed mount Seir many days.

And the LORD spake unto me, saying,

Ye have compassed this mountain long enough: turn you northward

I have been driving around in circles far too long. The journey to no where stops here. The never ending cycle of unhealthy relationships stops here. The halted dreams stop here. This is my year to become ALL that He has called me to be.

I mean, He said it himself:

Philippians 1:6: he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ.

I have a purpose. I have destiny. I have a calling. God did not save me from destructive relationships and a lifestyle that was spiraling out of control just to leave me. He began a good work. And like it or not, believe it or not, its going to come to fruition. This is my time. =)