So, tonight was Bible Teaching. Good word. Bishop talked about how to have a true experience with God. Well, I've already had plenty. Jesus knows my name. And I definitely know His. I've called on it more than I ever have in my entire life during 2009. And here is another experience that I had:
So, in church, my roommate tells me she's hungry. I concur. So, we decide to go to our favorite spot: Denny's. Well, the one in Alexandria is our fav because it's new. I didn't feel like driving all the way to that one because it's past my house. So, we went to the one near the church- in the hood. OMG!
When we pulled up, I looked at my roommate and told her that it was going to be an interesting experience. And I ain't never lied! The orders were wrong, my cappuccino tasted like hot chocolate, a grown woman was running around excited about the games in Denny's, and then some homeless looking dude walks in with a lot of bags, crutches, and sheets wrapped around him.
Needless to say, we get our food in to-go boxes and leave. On the way home, I drove quietly, dealing with the brand new thoughts that had been bothering me. I've been good. Really good. But today, for some reason, these feelings were trying to overtake me. And the Word says that we have to take those thoughts captive.
So, I have this random outburst. lol! And my roommate goes, "you wanna elaborate?" And I just spilled it all out. Mind you, I'm screaming at the Devil to leave me alone in the process. (She knows me and is used to me, so I can be me in front of her.) And that's what I do. I just let loose. Afterwards I felt better. Now, I've been listening to nothing but Gospel- whether it be traditional, R&B, Rock, or hip-hop. But it's all Gospel. Tonight, I popped in a mixed CD and listened to "So Beautiful" by Musiq. I knew immediately that I was playing with fire. So, in the midst of my rampage and venting, I decided to take the CD out because I know the effect that music has on me and I know that it's a spirit.
Tell me why as soon as I took that CD out and turned to 104.1 (our gospel station) "No Turning Back" by Damita Haddon began to play. I knew IMMEDIATELY that it was God. He loves me sooo much. And He speaks to me via ways that I can understand. I had just got through telling my roommate about how my flesh was fighting my spirit and how I was fighting internally to keep looking forward and not dwell on the past. And then that song comes on. That is nothing but God. And then after that, "What God Has For Me" came on. If you know the songs, then you'd understand why this is such a big deal to me.
God told me tonight, "Don't look back. Don't turn back. It may get hard at times, but know that I'm here. You made a decision to give me your life. So keep on trucking forward." And then he told me that, "what I have for you is for YOU and YOU ONLY."
I love Him so much. He just loves me and cares for me in a way that no one else does or ever will. I was talking to my other friend on the phone today and I told her that the problem that our generation has is that we're looking for love in all the wrong places. We want to be in love. We want to feel that euphoric feeling; trying to fill a void that only God can fill.
I asked God to fill the void that I was trying to fill via relationships with men. I wasn't happy in my relationships because I expected them to fill a space that was unfillable. Only God can fill it. And now that I've realized that and allowed God to move into that space, I don't desire a man. I don't need a man. I know that when God gets ready to bring him into my life, He will. And he will be an addition to the life that I live; a life that isn't mine. A life that I have given to God to use for His purpose. And my man will help carry out that purpose. We'll do it together, as one in the eyes of God.
Good stuff.
