This Can't Be Life

I feel drained. I feel like the world is going on and I am remaining stagnant. I feel like I'm drowning and I need someone to grab my arm. Pull me up. Give me a hand. But this is life. And in life, you don't always get a hand. You don't always get help. You have to make your way on your own.

I feel lost. I feel like I am in a twilight zone. OK God. I'm where I'm supposed to be. But am I really? Something isn't right. This isn't how I pictured my life at 25. But then again, a few years ago, I couldn't see my life past that day. I didn't want to see my life past that day.

I want so bad to just gather everything and move. But even that will be a headache. And once again, I'll be running from my life. I'm good at that. I'm the master at reinventing myself. I'm the master at uprooting my life when things go haywire. I feel like its time to move again.

Is this the result of being a military brat? I just don't know about anything. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I had so many plans for my life. But how do I go about obtaining them? How do I get out of this hell that I'm in at the moment?

How do I activate what is on the inside of me? I can give out advice all day. Words of encouragement. But how do I swallow the pill myself?

It's so easy to spruce up a resume, send it out, go on an interview and get a job. But I don't want to be miserable for more money. But hey, it's America. Who said happiness was important when it came to survival? Just do it. Just go out there, find a job that pays more money. Spend another year working for someone else only to find out that you really aren't making more money. You really haven't climbed up the ladder.

I must be PMSing. I'm in a terrible mood.