I'm back for the 347th time. Haha! As usual, I retreat when life takes twists. Because I've allowed my blog to become so visible, and my identity is no secret, I've shied away from writing about the difficulties and mistakes that I've made which could become "gossip" for some people. Nevertheless, I'm back.
During my time away, I spent a little time back in Egypt. For those of you who can decipher what exactly that means, kudos to you! To those of you who can't, just know that Egypt is the land that God brought the children of Israel out of in order to bring them to the promised land. You following me now?
I'm definitely NOT going to go into detail about my past two months. There is no need. It would be raising the dead. Seriously. I've written about it far too many times. Frankly, I'm tired of writing about it. Now, let's move on, shall we?
As usual, I have to say that God is so good. There is this song by Crystal Lewis called "Beautiful Savior."
Beautiful Savior, Beautiful King.I have to say that this song speaks to the very core of me. The last week of 2010 laid me out, flat on my face. I didn't want to work. I didn't want to go to church. I just wanted to cry. And that's exactly what I did. I laid in bed and cried. I cried, and cried, and cried. I asked God what to do to make the situation better. I cried out to Him: tell me what direction to take! What should I do?
In my broken heart, you did a beautiful thing.
Who am I that you'd be mindful of me?
Beautiful Savior, Beautiful King.
I'm humbled
By your gracious gift
I've stumbled too many times to be worthy of it
Yet you pursue me
And lavish me
With mercy, forgiveness and grace
Guess what the Lord said to me: move forward and focus on me. I wasn't feeling that AT ALL the first few days. But to make a long story short, he did a death, burial, and resurrection in me. He healed my wounded heart (for the 10th time) and picked me up again.
God is so faithful. Can you imagine being in a relationship with someone who ignored you all the time? They pay you little to no attention. They refuse to listen to you when you talk. Instead of spending time with you, they fill their time with extracurricular activities and other people. However, when they're hurting or in need, they come running back to you.
What would you do? I'd probably go off. I would tell that person to kick rocks and leave me alone. Go cry to someone who cares!
But thankfully, God isn't like that. You see, we do those things to God all the time. And that's exactly what I did. I filled my time with relationships and other activities that excited me. I had lost interest in spending time with God. I can imagine how much that hurt Him. God loves us with a crazy love. He only wants what's best for us and He desires to be in relationship with us. This is why He sent Jesus to die; just so that we could be reconciled to Him. So can you imagine how much it hurts to see the ones He cares so dearly about ignore Him?
Even after I strayed away, when I cried out, God was there. It felt as if He was nearer to me than He'd been when I was in constant fellowship with Him. After I realized what the Lord wanted me to do about my situation, He began to speak to me. I would cry and pray. And like clock work, I'd open my Bible and the tissue for my tears was right there. It was as if I was having dialogue with Him.
Psalm 34:18 says that, "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." I can truly, without a shadow of a doubt testify that this is the truth!!!
So, when Crystal Lewis sings, "in my broken heart, you did a beautiful thing. Who am I that you'd be mindful of me? Beautiful Savior, Beautiful King" I can relate. When she says, "I've stumbled too many times to be worthy of it. Yet you pursue me and lavish me with mercy, forgiveness and grace" it makes me cry because I am not deserving of anything that He has done for me. I didn't deserve to have Him comfort me the way that He did. I didn't deserve to have Him welcome me so graciously back into His presence.
Despite all of my shortcomings, He pursues me and lavishes me with mercy, forgiveness, and grace. There is no one like Him, no one greater.
He truly is my Beautiful Savior, my Beautiful King.
1 comment:
Well I recently went through a year of uncertainity, betrayel, and the feeling of just being lost. I couldn't figure out which way was up. I never gave up, I've accomplished lots and learned even more. My brother in law says I'm like a cat, I always land on my feet and I always say, God takes care of fools and babies and I'm certainly too old to be a baby. I love your blog. Welcome back.
Sincerely,
Go
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