FullComplexity

Can I be candid? Can I be honest? Can I be real?
---Of course I can. This is my blog.

I love rainy days
I love watching clouds float by in the sky
I love music that doesn't quite fit in a box
jilly jill
dwele
ms. badu
miles
kelis
coltrane
N.E.R.D.
I see colors when I listen to music
I want my house to reflect my musical tastes
My favorite's always bring to mind deep earth tones
browns
reds
black
oranges
purples
I love to touch
I can lay with you all day long
and not say a single word
Just being near you
hearing you breathe
listening to your heartbeat
is enough for me
I want a house with lots of trees
I love trees
I love nature
I love the fall
I love your lips
I love the way you look at me
I love my complexity

But with that brings intricacy, confusion, and rage
I'm a ball of love, compassion, tears, passion, fears, worship, anger, and happiness
I'm constantly thinking
constantly analyzing
constantly amazed at myself
I fight internal battles that only God knows about
But the aftermath resonates

I believe you pick up on it
I believe you know
I believe you would never do anything to
intentionally hurt me
I believe you would never do anything to
perpetuate this battle

I need you to be understanding
I need you to be here for me
I need you to be
even when you don't feel like it

Selfish
Add that to my repertoire too

I'm trying to understand myself
my motives
my wants
my desires
my heartache
my worship

Where is all of this going?

Could you really be made just for me
I stopped believing
stopped trying
stopped caring

This urgency pulls from inside of me
It causes me to completely loose focus
change courses
and retreat
How can I get past this
Why hasn't it gone away
Women's intuition
The Devil in me
God trying to tell me something
My own evil mind

I'm trying to find
But to ease it all
I'll just think about the fall
the trees
the music
your lips
watch the clouds
paint colors
and cry

this sounds sad, but i'm actually extremely happy. just wanted to add that. =)