Keep Pushing

OK. I do want to share.

My eyes have been opened. Everything that I did in the dark has come to light. I was blind. The eyes that I saw the world through were flawed- blocked by selfish views, naive dreams, lustful desires, and hasty thinking.

I had two doors in front of me. I chose the door that led to the hard route. The route encompassed with tears, confusion, frustration, lies, and loneliness. It was lonely because I ignored God. I heard Him plain as day when he said not to turn the car around. I heard him plain as day when he said to leave a certain situation alone. I heard him plain as day when he said to let it go. I heard him plain as day when he said to give it to Him.

I chose the wrong door. But you know what? I still came out on top. Yes, I'm bruised. Yeah, I'm a little broken. Yes, I am suffering the consequences of my actions. But I learned so much. My eyes are wide open. And I see. I truly see. I see now that the life that God delivered me from is not where I want to be. I see now that nothing good can come from that situation. I praise God for loving me enough to grab me by my hair, kicking and screaming, to whisper, "no." I praise God that He STILL loved me even after I found myself back in hell.

I thank God that He showed me what I don't want. I thank God that I now have a clearer understanding of what a man of God is. I thank God that I now have a clearer understanding of what a woman of God is. In all my wrong, I learned. I was rebuked- am still being rebuked. But I take my punishment as love from my Father. Deuteronomy 8:5 says, "Thou shalt also consider in thine heart, that, as a man chasteneth his son, so the LORD thy God chasteneth thee." It's because I am his child that he disciplines me, wipes my tears, kisses me, and tells me that it will be OK. And because of that, I "press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:14)