Not Reality, yet

Lately I've had these feelings
Lately I've been having these dreams
Lately I've been thinking about you

In my dreams I'm in love
In my dreams you love me
In my dreams I'm so happy

Could it be that I'm lonely?
Could it be that I'm ready?
Could it be that he's coming?

Are you ready for me?

Do you dream about me?
Do you love me in your dreams?
Do you feel happy in your dreams?

I don't know who you are
I don't know when you're coming

But you are on your way

Random

I LOVE NAPPTURALITY.COM!!!!!

It's like talking to your BEST FRIEND!!!! We talk about everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING on there.

Sisterhood via the Internet.

Gotta love it...

Feeling. The Invisible Man.

So..... lately I've been feeling, well, um... a bit, geez. How do I say this????

Hormonal???

That's the best word I can use to describe it.

Last night I had this dream. I was with a man. We were hugging and stuff. HE WAS MINE!!! But he didn't have a face!!!! My friend used to tell me that she had dreams like this, and I thought she was weird. But I had one!

I remember lookin down at him, (for some reason I was standing above him), and his shirt was HOLLOW!! It was just a shirt- but no man. It was like invisi-man!!!!

But I was so happy.

Could this mean that my hubby is on the way??? =D

Does this explain me feeling, um, well.... hormonal???

Stop It

i came back into your life again
and still you blew it
i gave you another chance
and still you blew it
i opened up my heart to you
i told you that i loved you
i wanted to spend the rest of
my
life
with you

and still you blew it

you sat at that table
looked me in the eye
and asked me
what do you do
when you think
you've blown it
with the one who was
meant
for
you

i gave you the answer
and still you blew it

your time has come
and now its gone

my eyes have been opened
my arms have closed
there is no vacancy
for you
anymore

i wanted to spend the rest of
my
life
with you

and still you blew it

Dansha

Never judge a book by it's cover. Never put a person in a category before you get to know her. We've all heard these sayings. We all say it. We all claim that we don't do it. But,

We do.

I've always been able to get inside of people. It's a gift. It has to be. What other reason would it be? I can break down the toughest person. They just let me right on in. And I love it- for the most part. The most recent display of this happened at work.

Let me first brief you on me:

I am friendly. I love people. I try to be opened minded. I can be judgemental- but I try really hard not to. I take things that people say about others into consideration- the info sits in the back of my head. I don't, however, act on it. I like to find people out for myself. One man's trash is another man's treasure. And I believe that is true in all aspects of life and relationships. I'm not rich. I didn't come from a rich family. I grew up around the corner from the hood. (Thank God, my family shielded us from that with love.) I'm not materialistic. I love the fact that I am extremely simple. I've always been that way. I don't have to have the latest Gucci or Louis Vitton. You get my drift?

So, in walks Dana.

Dana comes from a wealthy Caucasian family. She is the girlfriend of the President's son at the company I work for. She is beautiful. She carries expensive coach bags. She ALWAYS has on something sharp and potentially expensive. She just test drove a BMW for graduation.

My judgemental radar is on overload. But, I am me. And I get inside of people. And I let her get inside of me.

The President's son dumps her. We've been getting cool during the time she worked there. But this brought us closer. In comes God. Everything that I've been through with men- all of the hell and drama, the tears and heartache- was used to help her. I opened up and told her things about my past. We bonded over that one common factor: HEARTACHE.

Me and Dana become close. I no longer see the Coach carrying, BMW driving, little rich girl. I see a young woman who is hurting and who needs someone to talk to. I see a beautiful young woman who I bonded with over hour long lunches and chats over AIM.

Her last day is next Friday. And I'm in tears. There is a lot of this story that I'm leaving out. And that's to save you time. But the situation surrounding her departure isn't good.

But I know that God brought us together to help one another. I've learned a lot from her and she from me. I just got a text from her that said, "I'm going to miss you!" And you know what? I'm gonna miss her too. Terribly.

Situations in life know no boundaries. White, black, Muslim, Christian, man, woman, poor, rich, Coach bag, or Target bag. It doesn't matter. We all go through the same things. We are all human. We were all created by the same God. And the same God loves us all. Don't judge a book by its cover- or a woman by her purse. You may miss out on the best friend, the best memories, the best therapy that you'll ever encounter.

And another thing...

I don't understand why people think Diddy's "new word" is cute. That phrase is everywhere!

I think it is rude and unacceptable. Granted, I think differently about things now. But even when I was doing what I did and cursing like a sailor, I didn't walk around- well.... lol.... never mind. I had a shirt that said, "Niggaz ain't..." on the front. And on the back it said, well, you know what it said....

So, I guess I can't go off on them and call them heathens for having it in their status on Facebook and Myspace. But now that my eyes have been opened, I see how ridiculous it all is. Talking like that is not conducive to anything positive. It sets no boundaries. It's lewd. It's rude. And people love it!!

It's funny how we grab onto and base our lives around the words of celebrities. Celebs have no power. They can't save you. They can't get you out of a rut. They can't heal. They don't even know you! Yet, we watch them faithfully. We make time out of our days to watch their shows. Faithfully! We know when the album is going to drop. We give them our money. This is worship, people. Yet, we can't find time to give God a simple thanks...


Remember that commandment??

You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything
that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the
water under the earth Exodus 20:4

Whether you know it or not, like it or not, we are making these images, people, shows, music, our idols! It's being put before the Lord.

What would you rather do?

Watch a football game on Sunday or go to Church?

Watch American Idol on Wednesday night or go to Bible Study?

Stop and give God thanks for what He's done or finish listening to that song on the radio?

This may seem extreme to some. But I'm a believer. And I speak from experience. I did it too. And it's something that I have to work through. I don't want to put anything before God.

And I definitely am not going to walk around talking about, "Girl did you see the way he was acting? That was just plain bit**a**ness."

HORRIBLE!!!

Nothing Really

I don't have anything important to say. I have nothing random to ramble on about. I want to talk about my hair, but I didn't bring the USB chord that goes with my camera to work. So, I can't upload pics to give you a visual.

So, I will just write. Stream of thought.

The sirens around my office building are constantly going off. And there is a hu-mon-go parking garage right outside of my office. I can look out the window and see it. People are always going BUCK WILD in there! One day we heard brakes screeching, car alarms going off, and a woman screaming! lol... The drivers up here are absolutely insane! Road rage has taken on another meaning. Seriously. How are you gonna have road rage inside of a parking garage?? It's not even a road!! You can only go 5 MPH.

I have a bad habit of slowing down, on purpose mind you, when someone rides my tail. And I have a good laugh about it too. I'm not getting all worked up. Traffic lights were invented for a reason. To control traffic! Hence "TRAFFIC" light. You can speed all you want to. But if you get caught by that light, you're going to look like an idiot when the people that you cut off and sped past pull up next to you at the same red light. Trust, I know. I do it almost every Sunday on the way to church...... *shakes head at self*...

I realized that I do have pics of myself!! I love pictures! It's not a conceit thing. It's just something I like to do. Thank God for camera phones! My trusty Blackberry holds a few pics... so on to the visuals!!!!!! =)

So, last night I co-washed my hair. The new growth is absolutely gorgeous!! I'll never go back to relaxers again! I'm tired of the bun, so I thought I'd try flat twists. Keep in mind that this is my first time trying them. I strategically posted two mirrors so that I could see the back of my head while sitting down comfortably:

lol!!!

I then sprayed my new growth with my "AV gel - tea tree oil (for itchy scalp)-H2O" concoction. I then used Elasta QP Mango Butter for moisture. I think they turned out pretty well:

pay no attention to the slanty parts....

Here is a new growth shot. You can see how healthy the new growth is. The relaxed part is booooo!!!

Ok. So, maybe I should go and be productive... I am, by the way, at work...... =/

Scissor Happy

Ok. So you may or may not know. Well, you probably don't know. I'm going natural. I've decided that I want the hair that God blessed me with. So, I haven't gotten a relaxer since November 07. I've been wearing it in a bun or in braid outs... etc.

Well, last night, I took my hair down because the bun was bothering me. I needed to re-do it. When I let my hair down, I was so ELATED to see the beautiful, healthy, moisturized, curls and coils. It shocked me! I need to put batteries in my digital camera and take pics. It was so beautiful.

So, I got curious. You know the hair that never stays in your pony tail at the nape of your neck? In the "kitchen" area? I went and got the scissors and cut off the relaxed ends!!!!!!!!!!! =o

But let me tell you, it's so cute. My hair curled right up! So, I have my hair in a bun with the cute little curls in the back. I'm truly excited and I'm so mad that I waited so long to do this!!!!! I wish I would've gone through with it in high school. But, I didn't. Oh well!!!!!

I want to grow my hair out for at least 9 months. I've got that BC itch! (big chop). It may be sooner. We shall see....

(oh yeah- i took that pic with my phone)

Worship

It's no secret that we were made to worship Him. And everyone worships the Lord differently. People have different views on worship also. Worship is an area that God is working with me on. The deeper my walk with God gets, the more I want to worship Him and the more willing I am to do it.

There was a time when it took all of me to simply raise my hands in submission to God. But now, I feel awkward if I don't. The Bible says to let every thing that have breath worship the Lord.

I used to think that it was all about a "feeling." I wouldn't do it unless I was touched by what the Pastor said. But I see now that we need to worship God at all times. Worship Him when you don't feel like it. Worship Him when things are going well. Worship Him when things are going bad. Worship Him when you're happy. Worship Him when you're sad. Worship. We were made to Worship Him.

The more I worship God, the more I want to do it. lol! Can one become addicted to worship?? I love feeling His presence. And yes, I know that sometimes you won't feel a thing. But we have to trust and have faith that He is indeed there.

Last night, I had a wonderful worship experience. I just let it all go and worshipped Him. It was a great feeling. The presence of God was all throughout that sanctuary. And I'm just so glad that I experienced it.

Some people are quiet worshippers. Others are more open. I don't think that one person's praise is better than the other; or that one person's praise is favored over the next person's in God's eyes. And I say that regarding the manner in which one worships. My Co-Pastor talked about worshipping in "spirit and in truth." This is talked about in the Bible in John 4:21-23.

Quiet worship doesn't mean that the worship isn't coming from a true place. It doesn't mean that the person is not worshiping God in "spirit and in truth". And if one feels the need to break out in a sprint, that doesn't mean that their worship is fake or for show.

If I feel the need to step out in the aisle, I'm going to step out. I don't care who is around or what anyone thinks. No one knows my testimony. No one truly knows just how long that "mighty long way" is for me. He's brought me from a mighty long way and I will bless His name.

Telephone. Mr. Waters

I’m taking a break from work. We’re not doing much. I’ve been cleaning up my office for the past hour. The main office is moving- 10 minutes from my house! Praise the Lord! Gas prices are climbing higher and higher everyday. So this is a blessing.

I’ve been on an Erykah Badu kick every since her new album dropped in February. It’s something weird that I do. If an artist, who has been MIA for a minute drops an album, I have to go back and listen to every single piece of work they did. Luckily for me, Ms. Badu is great. “New Amerykah” is growing on me. After I listened to Ms. Badu explain the album and the though process behind some of the tracks, I gained a new appreciation for it. “Telephone” made me cry this morning. I was so touched. And for the longest time I thought she was saying, “Telephone, you so dirty. He wants to give you directions home.” I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why the dirty telephone wanted to give this dude directions home. It hit me this morning, “Telephone, it’s OL’ DIRTY”!!!! J Dilla would have these dreams that O.D.B called him and told him that when he passed, he would see two busses; a white one and a red one. He told him that the red one would look enticing, but to take the white one. Thus, “Telephone, its Ol’ Dirty.” Later in the song, Erykah croons, “Gather on the hill, two hearts up in the sky. Celebrate your life, say I love you.” She said that at his service, two clouds formed hearts. I thought that was beautiful. I was riding in the car singing with tears flowing down my face. A beautiful song to J Dilla.

Why are some men plain dogs? M. Waters. Yes, I’m calling you out. You clearly have a girlfriend. Why deny her? Matter of fact, we don’t even live in the same STATE!!!!

Do I have a sign on my head that says, "REBOUND CHICK"????

It’s a shame. It really is. I’m so thankful that I have the right mind and spirit to TRUST GOD to bring my man to me. I don’t want to end up with just anyone. People are crude, rude, shady, and plain ol’ liars. I want my man to love me with every inch of his body. He will love me from the depths of his soul. There will be no one, and I mean no one, who will compare to me in his eyes. No, second guessing. No shoulda woulda coulda’s about someone else while he’s with me. If you’ve been blessed with that, then I suggest you thank God every chance that you get.

Video didn't Just Kill the Radio Star...

**Disclaimer: "Video Killed the Radio Star" is a song from the 80s...**

Randomness- Yesterday I finished an entire box of Girl Scout Cookies- BY MYSELF!!!!! I felt so weird when I got home. I was drained or something. I guess my body was coming down off of that sugar high. I was afraid to go take a shower because I thought that I would pass out...

Ashanti's new video, "The Way That I Love You." I don't think its cute at all. Sure, its just TV. But, in my opinion, media is getting entirely out of hand! There was a little girl in Maryland who stabbed her boyfriend to death last week! I wonder where children get ideas like that from? Yeah, I'm sure some see it because of their surroundings. But what do you think happens when a child turns on the television to see the body of a man that cheated on his girl in a bath tub??? Their minds aren't really mature enough to deal with that.

I am a witness! And I'm gonna share my testimony. My friend's mother took us to see "A Thin Line Between Love and Hate." We were in the 6th grade. I walked out of that movie theatre thinking that that was the way to act when you love someone who didn't love you back. And that's how I was. I went through high school trying to fight females and spent college being called, "crazy" because I was quick to key a car or go publicly off on my man if he did wrong.

These images are wrong. We shouldn't be setting examples like this for children, or adults! I was disgusted. Honestly.

And that's my randomness for today.

Who am I?

Religion
practiced by a people
governing truths
you can and can not do

Relationship
I have with Jesus Christ
I am not religious
I am a Christian
I love Christ and have
New Life
in
Him

I am not transformed by this world
but renewed in my mind
by my
Spirit
through His Word.

A spectator in this world
not participating

Sinful lusts that made me
salivate at the thought
now I do not desire

The Word
read it daily
the living Word
Sharper than any two edged sword
It's words will not
return
Void.

My life was void before I knew Him.
I was alive, yet dead.
Now dead, but alive.

Living to please myself
no more
to please Him
my ultimate desire

Back In The Day... Puff????

Ever since I purchased Ms. Badu's new album, New Amerykah, I have been on this Erykah kick. I tend to do that. If I am into a particular artist's album, I'll want to go back and listen to every other piece of work that they ever put out.

Well, I was listening to "Back in the Day (Puff)" off of her World Wide Underground CD. Man, listening to music is like playing with fire for me. It took me right back to undergrad, circa summer 2003. Now, keep in mind that I was an entirely different person back then... I was walking on campus, probably coming from work- on my way to class, when a green crown vic with dark tinted windows pulls up. I recognize the vehicle immediately. But to avoid embarrassment (if it wasn't who I thought it was) I just kept looking straight. So, the green vic pulls up next to me. The window rolls down to reveal a car full of well known boys from a popular fraternity. I was cool with all of them. So, they said whats up, asked me where I was going and some way I ended up in the car with them.

We drove around Tuscaloosa on that beautiful, bright, sunny day. I sat in the back with two other guys. They were smoking black and milds and drinking. And so naturally, I drank too. I don't really remember much more than that. I just recall not going to class and riding around the entire afternoon. I do remember telling them to take me home When the sun started to shift in position a little. I was stupid for jumping in the car with them, but the little sense I did have screamed, "DON'T STAY OUT PAST SUN LIGHT WITH THEM!!"

So, after another hour of pleading to drop me off, they finally take me to my apartment. It's a Tuesday evening, not even 9 o'clock, I didn't go to class, and I'm good and tipsy. And that was fun for me. Wow. Talk about how things change.... Thank God for a new life!